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I know it's one of you guys
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
566 points (97.2% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
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That was made that way for the joke. How would you even begin fucking a flat bar of soap? Even pre-drilled, it would wear out too fast to be any fun.
Don't use conditioner guys!!!
For the 4th time (I'm an idiot) I got serious dick issues. Don't know if it dries the skin out or what, but the end gets hypersensitive, turns dark red, skin turns black and peels off, hurts like hell, and then you get nice, new pink skin. It's painful and revolting and takes about a week for the whole process.
Thought was just me until I saw a reddit post a few months back. LOTS of dudes experiencing the same exact thing.
Don't use conditioner guys!!!
What in the bed bath and beyond is this shit
Would you mind choosing a verb other than "use" so I know what in God's name I shouldn't be doing with conditioner?
If the context didn't provide, I meant jacking off. Paddling the pink canoe. Abusing the wicked stick. Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger. Shaking hands with the milkman. Boxing the one-eyed champ. Taking the self-guided tour.
Seeing to yourself? Tossing your salad? Clearing the pipes? Sopping your tissues? Summoning Spiderman? Switching to manual? Burping the serpent? Don't know it.
"Switching to manual". I'm stealing that. You can't stop me.
"Switch SCE to AUX". You can steal that one!
Very kind!
Are you sure that's conditioner and not bleach?
Even if you accidentally use conditioner instead of lube, there's no way it will make the skin of your dick turn black and fall off. It'll irritate your skin sure, but that won't happen.
One of two things must actually actually be happening...
You're using the conditioner lube to fuck something like sandpaper or a sex toy that is literally set on fire
You've confused conditioner with something like lye or hydrochloric acid
For the love of Christ, get your shit checked out
This is disturbingly specific 😰
Want a pic? It's at the blackened and peeling stage. Shower water hit it tonight and I yelped. Brand new skin in just a few more days!
How many times have you repeated this process? Why was one flayed dick not enough?
This is the kind of wholesome informative content I come to Lemmy for. Thank you for your service, sir!
Actually, wait, I have a question. How did your ball-hair feel aftwards? Did it help with testicular split ends?
Ball hair is mostly nonexistent. But here come more conditioner tips!
Decided to get nice and clean for my ex-wife. Showered and used a little conditioner on the meat puppet. She stuck it in her mouth and made a face. "Tastes like shampoo!"
That woman could pop the balloon on the sexiest of times. Ever had a lover so tacky as to complain, in the moment?! Not like, "Move a little.", or "Ouch, not like that." More like... Know what? Not gonna relive that foul woman.