Legend has it xX-1337_gnu_h4x0r-Xx once stalked Tim Sweeny in Unreal 2004. That led to the development of Unreal 2: The Liandri Conflict, where that same Linux user hacked Tim Sweeny's character model to his own grandmother. It was Xbox only, but still somehow the Linux user killed him, at Tim Sweeny's own video game! He just couldn't handle that so he took 2 years to develop the technology to block all Linux users out of sheer spite. He accomplished his goal in 2007 when finally, Sweeny's mission was completed with Unreal Tournament 3. It was so successful that no game from Epic since Unreal Tournament 2004 has had a Linux release.

But that wasn't enough for Tim Sweeny. He needed more, he needed.... Control. Afterall, we all know Gears of War 1 sales for PC were terrible because of pirating, which only Linux users do. Time passed and in June 2012 an opportunity arose, an offer that he could not refuse. Tencent, a multibillion dollar investment company purchases just under half of the shares of Epic Games. His own words, "Tencent's directors are super valuable contributors whose advice and participation helped make Epic what it is today." And thus, the adoption of the live service model arrives with Fortnite: Battle Royale.

Unfortunately for Tim, Beijing's gaming laws culled any revenue from Fortnite China, but that doesn't matter. Tim Sweeny's goal was complete, being able to now buy out any game he desires and kill Linux support for it before it can even begin, even going so far as to actively remove support for it from existing games. With gamers faith in Epic now Dauntless from free games and their image as pioneers of developer first PC gaming, we can finally go to today.

The release of LEGO Fortnite and the other modes. See, there was a competitor to Epic Games that inspired Tim Sweeny deeply. Roblox. The game where you spend money to play games people have made, all without ever leaving the store. A concept that Tencent has successfully established elsewhere, but one that hasn't quite fully succeeded in the United States (except of course for Steam, the actual anti-christ of PC gamers). But no longer, now gamers of all ages, young and younger can see the value of Epic Games all-in-one game, Fortnite. Soon, Tim Sweeny's goal will be complete by extinguishing all games on Linux. But the Pariah Valve ruined that plan by releasing... the Steam Deck. The Linux device that steals candy from babies and money from developers.

Linux. Not even once. It turns your children into striped sock wearers who will grow up to not understand why having everything centrally located in one account is actually a good thing.