I definitely have a hard time consuming media now that I can see the ideology it subtly yet effectively espouses, especially anti-communism. And now that I am outside that, I see how the labor aristocratic people around me basically center their lives around propagandistic fiction and I can't help but see it as disgusting. So certain things like that, I don't think I will ever be able to engage with again and will always call out the politics involved.

I think we all do, comrade. That manic phase of reading and being red-hot angry about how fucked the system is.

Eventually you realize that you can't hold that level of anger constantly. Or if you do, you're gonna go and do some adventurism and end up in prison.

It's a tight balancing act, but you gotta choose your battles. Enjoy life a little if you're privileged enough to do so, but that doesn't mean don't organize and educate...

I suppose that it depends on what exactly you're trying to enjoy.

On the one hand, I agree with the general sentiment. On the other, well. It's not easy, you know? A lot of things that used to bring me entertainment or joy have just ceased to, even before my swerve into ML proper. Sometimes even rudimentary, instinctive acknowledgement of materialism is enough.

To not be empty worded: I'll rant about videogames and movies elsewhere, and focus on one specific example here. There's this fanfic (for the lack of a better term) I used to like, called something like "Humans are space orcs". The basic idea of the author was to highlight some strange things about human biology and behaviour that we take for granted - i.e. having a stupidly corrosive acid right in the middle of our bodies and having to constantly regenerate special cells just to keep it in. Sounds simple fun, right?

Except it doesn't. The author's biases and lack of materialism are so glaring, reading stops being enjoyable and becomes infuriating. I.e. alien species in this setting are essentially categorised into having some single trait that defines them (except for humans, coz we special). One species is obsessed with rules and regulations, but the author fails to actually analyse the implications and just handwaves it as "oh they're bureaucratic haha". Another is apparently obsessed with material (read: monetary) gain, but the author never really connects it with capitalism. Instead it is humans that teach them capitalism! And once again, the author fails in the analysis, instead trying to portray modern day US as essentially what future humanity is. It's annoying.

And it's the same with everything. And on top of that, enjoying simple things (a good book, some miniature painting) gets rather difficult when there's a very real and serious threat of violence and war looming overhead.

I feel like I’m still in the middle phase but heading towards going back down. Some things I can’t engage with neutrally as I’m too irritated to just brush past the cognitive dissonance, but with others I follow the mantra “yes, I understand the frustration but lets all take a deep breath and realize you don’t actually care about that” and its made scrolling social media and talking with people a lot easier.

I've mostly stopped caring since its clear nothing is going to change for the better unless something catastrophic happens first. Like for instance famines and other climate change induced supply chain failures forcing people to fight a government that has nothing left to offer them except violence. I'll still be fighting with CPUSA until I die though.

If you want to be absolutely practical about that, not forcing politics onto everything allows you to be a lot easier to live for everyone around you, which is actually good for the cause. A lot of lefty people are super annoying to be around because they do that. In my experience, no one is willing to change their minds about controversial topics to someone who is constantly bringing them. Oppositely a lot of people will accept the views of someone they see as laid back, fun, socially acceptable and intelligent.