434
Do you have this guy at work? I do (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 week ago by whydudothatdrcrane@lemmy.ml to c/programmerhumor@lemmy.ml
66 comments fedilink hide all child comments
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] BaumGeist@lemmy.ml 8 points 6 days ago

Take the passive-aggressive nerd approach:

  1. Start a niche online movement that only cares about one aspect of computing and convinces people all their problems are caused by your pet peeve

  2. let the company dig its grave

  3. create a FOSS alternative

  4. sell a premium version for businesses (it includes phone support and management-friendly marketing matetials)

  5. congrats, you are now the de facto standard software in your field

[-] riodoro1@lemmy.world 201 points 1 week ago

Company’s project is not your project. Don’t get too attached.

[-] kureta@lemmy.ml 41 points 1 week ago

Words of wisdom.

[-] nehal3m@sh.itjust.works 79 points 1 week ago

This guy is me. Fuck your job. Take all you can, give nothing back.

[-] victorz@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

So... How are things at work?

[-] nehal3m@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 week ago

Super relaxed, that comes with the territory of not giving a fuck. Also I make good money.

[-] AdamEatsAss@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago

Lol, "fire me if you dare, then it's your problem"

[-] Reddfugee42@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

💯

#I'm going to talk to HR! I'm going to have you fired!

Me:

[-] not_woody_shaw@lemmy.world 73 points 1 week ago

Reminds me of the KSP2 fiasco. Management insisting on reusing the engine from the old game, and firing all the senior devs who could have told them there was no possibility of getting the features they'd announced to work without rewriting the engine from scratch.

[-] PlexSheep@infosec.pub 48 points 1 week ago

It's so sad what happened with KSP2, we were all so excited at the start. I'm glad I didn't buy it though

[-] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 47 points 1 week ago

It can't be repeated enough: never pre-order a game

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] SaintWacko@midwest.social 11 points 1 week ago

I bought it, learned that there was no career mode and no plan to add one, and refunded it

[-] Jumuta@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago

you ... liked career mode in ksp1? respect lmao

[-] SaintWacko@midwest.social 12 points 1 week ago

Do people not? I love the challenge of designing efficient craft that can complete multiple missions at once!

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] zurohki@aussie.zone 28 points 1 week ago

They also wouldn't allow the new devs to talk to the old devs, so they had to figure out the old codebase for themselves.

[-] rtxn@lemmy.world 48 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

My previous work used two mission-critical software for continuous operation.

One was some guy's university project written in Object Pascal and PHP and largely untouched since 2006. I tried offering fixes (I also knew Pascal), but I was rejected every time because the cumulative downtime caused by software issues was not enough to justify the downtime caused by the update (obviously this was determined by a Middle Manager (derogatory)).

The other was (I shit you not) an Excel spreadsheet with 15000 lines and 500 columns. I tried making a copy and cleaning it up, but Excel couldn't handle the amount of data and ran out of memory.

[-] CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 34 points 1 week ago

I absolutely cannot stand this kind of logic.

"We make a shit ton of money on this very critical piece of software!"

"Then let me fix it!"

"NO! It's making us money NOW! It only stops making us money when it's broken. At which point then we fix it."

"But that might be hours. We can minimize downtime if we plan properly."

"But it's making us money NOW!1!1!”

I shit you not I have had various versions of this conversation throughout my career, across industries, across disciplines.

[-] rtxn@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago

True zen is achieved when you realize it's not your problem. Even better when the thing eventually breaks and you can be smug about it.

[-] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 week ago

I'm not in the industry anymore, but every time I raised an issue to the boss that got ignored, I used to like to keep a little folder where I'd print the emails or just take notes about the issue, the proposed fix, and when and why it got rejected.

Then, 8 months later when everything is on fire, I could point at the date February 12, where at 3:40 PM I raised this specific issue that got ignored.

It never benefitted me, not once, in fact I sincerely think my boss at the time thought I was a smug little prick. Which was fair, I was one. But credit where it's due, every time I brought the folder back out, he'd get a look like he just swallowed a mug full of cold piss and tell me I was right. That's all I really wanted out of that folder anyway.

[-] whydudothatdrcrane@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 week ago

a smug little prick

lmao

a mug full of cold piss

worth it

[-] CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 week ago

It's your problem when they can't make payroll because of it. And it's your problem when they ultimately blame you for not having the solution ready to implement.

The first has happened to me once.

The second more times than I can count.

[-] victorz@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago
  1. Make PR ready to merge.
  2. Mark as Draft and write in the description that management says this should not be merged until the site breaks.
  3. Site breaks.
  4. They blame you for not having a solution ready.
  5. 😎 👈 You.
[-] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago

And while you're busy making this PR to fix a problem that you haven't been authorized on, you're falling behind on current tickets.

The only way to realistically make this happen at most companies is if you're doing work for your company on off time, and, generally speaking, never ever do that for any reason unless you're being paid for on-call.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[-] bleistift2@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 week ago

Even better when the thing eventually breaks

You mean when it finally does become your problem?

[-] rtxn@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

If it's going to be your problem no matter what, start making offline backups of your email account, and print out the email conversation where the bossmang rejected the fix. Make sure your HR rep is present on every meeting, ~~even~~ especially if it makes the people uncomfortable.

(this assumes that you live in a place where employee protection laws exist, i.e. it might not work in America)

[-] SigmarStern@discuss.tchncs.de 29 points 1 week ago

Oh yeah, I remember the good ol' "Our whole business Logic is within this 30 tables spread sheet, that only one person can read, and don't you dare restarting that computer" times.

One person. Sitting in front of three monitors. In front of a spreadsheet that maxed out every resource of that computer. It was glorious.

[-] rtxn@lemmy.world 20 points 1 week ago

don’t you dare restarting that computer

We had two desktop PCs on the factory floor doing server stuff for a lot of assembly machines. We couldn't move them to proper hardware or virtualize them because the GUI and the server were built as one monolithic application (I still don't trust any Japanese company's developers as a result), so one computer was made the primary server for one half of the factory and the fallback for the other half, and vice versa, to solve the reliability issues stemming from the software's dogshit design.

What it couldn't solve was Windows' dogshit design. One early Monday morning, when we switched on the factory, Windows decided to force-update itself, then failed and bricked both computers. We spent half the shift with our thumbs up our asses periodically checking if tech support bothered to show up yet.

[-] IrateAnteater@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 week ago

I have a lot of questions for whoever set that up in the first place, first and foremost of which is: why in the everlasting fuck was that computer ever attached to the internet? At most it should be allowed internal network access only.

[-] rtxn@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Some required network services were located off-site. It could've been done in a secure way, but don't expect such considerations from the company described above. It's still better than the many XP and Win2000 production machines with the same internet access.

I can't say a lot because of confidentiality, but if you had seen the factory around the time I quit, having a Win10 computer with internet access would've been the least of your concerns. If we had OSHA here, that building would've kept them busy for a week.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] velox_vulnus@lemmy.ml 45 points 1 week ago

Back then when I used to have elitist techbro brain-rot, I used to feel the same. Now that I've become very pro-labor, I think that this guy is based.

[-] beejjorgensen 31 points 1 week ago

"Every dependency is an asset. Every dependency is a liability."

[-] Funwayguy@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago

Sums up every Node project I've had the displeasure of looking at. The lock file being the only thing holding the twisted web of versions keeping that franken-app running between a minefield of incompatibilities and buggy hacks.

[-] glowie@h4x0r.host 11 points 1 week ago

*laughs in wordpress*

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

Dude, I'm so bad at arguing in zoom so the guys that push for that shit get their way. Fml.

[-] Reddfugee42@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Have you considered you're just bad at arguing in general and it's not the medium?

[-] magic_lobster_party@kbin.run 6 points 1 week ago

Difficult to punch coworkers in their face in zoom

[-] Artyom@lemm.ee 6 points 1 week ago

I have a coworker who thinks I'm this guy cuz it's apparently absurd for us to add the 5 most popular dependencies on the planet to our environment and I'm sentencing us to the doom of dependency hell.

[-] Flyberius@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago

That's me

[-] RampantParanoia2365@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Yes, most of my jobs have had people who take vacation.

[-] Reddfugee42@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Oh I hate that

[-] ocassionallyaduck@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

So you use SharePoint as well? Hahaha

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2024
434 points (95.4% liked)

Programmer Humor

31314 readers
30 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml
cat_programmer@lemmy.ml