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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by TIN@feddit.uk to c/gaming@beehaw.org

So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[-] Gazelli@lemmy.one 7 points 1 year ago

I've got 20 years on you and I don't see an end to my gaming days anytime soon.

[-] DM_Gold@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 year ago

Was about to say that there is no cutoff age. I distinctly remember my grandfather playing RPGs on the Super Nintendo when I was a kid. That man played most of his life and well into his older years. Do what you love to do man. Ignore those who don't appreciate that you have a hobby you actually enjoy.

[-] Elegast@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago

If they have issues with your hobbies they're not worth it. Who cares what you're into, if it doesn't negatively affect things, who the hell cares. My wife and I regularly game right next to each other and we're well past the "normal" age for gamers.

[-] Grant_M@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'm 55 now and plan to continue to casually play video games until I RIP IRL

[-] waspentalive@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago

I am over 60 and play Minecraft regularly.

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[-] MagicShel@programming.dev 7 points 1 year ago

Anyone dating at 47 (assuming they are near your age) should be taking what they deal with. If gaming is a show stopper for them, I'm not sure I'd worry about them saying how shallow they are. Easy for me to say as I'm married, but I'm going to be 50 sooner then I'd like and while I don't game as much as I used to and I know things like WoW which entail a time commitment are not games I can play, but I still game some nights. Sometimes lots of nights.

[-] l0st_scr1b3@beehaw.org 7 points 1 year ago

I'm 33 and learned about PC gaming mostly from my grandfather when I was about 10. He had games like Jazz Jackrabbit, Jill of the Jungle, and other early era Sierra games. He also introduced me to Nethack for which I am eternally grateful! He continued playing games and using 3d rendering software until he lost his eyesight in his late 60s, and even then used a screen reader to use a computer for some other things. I think any cutoff age is going to be largely dependent on what social circles you're discussing and what area you're in.

[-] SeeJayEmm@lemmy.one 7 points 1 year ago

There's no cut off. Some people are just judgy (and often hypocritical).

I'm the same age as you and I've been gaming my whole life. My father had all the Ataris, (2600, 400, 800, XT, etc...). He and I built my first 386 together. My uncles had the Intellivision. Cousins with the ColecoVision. My father's almost 70 and he's still an avid Destiny 2 player.

I will admit tho, it's harder to find women, our age, who are either into or at least open to gaming as an adult hobby. I'm not saying they don't exist but having been divorced and remarried I can say there's a gender gap there. I was lucky enough to find someone open minded. She never complained about my weekly game nights to keep in touch with my friends and she's even opened up over the last few years and has become a bit of a gamer herself.

So... there is no cut off. It's not immature or childish, and it's certainly more of an art form than 3/4 of the garbage those same people will spend their free time on (reality tv, tiktock, endlessly scrolling the void of facebook).

[-] feidry@midwest.social 5 points 1 year ago

It boggles the mind that the people being most judgemental about gaming are the self same people who sit for hours every night watching garbage shows on Netflix, and they see 0 comparison between that and gaming for hours.

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[-] 018118055@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 year ago

No plans to ever stop gaming. Started at 7, now 48.

[-] GolGolarion@pathfinder.social 6 points 1 year ago

I think it's less of an age cutoff and more of a binary "do you base your identity around this" sort of deal. You'd never catch me calling myself a gamer, even though I'll play video games fairly regularly

[-] Silviecat44@vlemmy.net 6 points 1 year ago

There are heaps of old people (60+) who play Elite Dangerous and Stardew Valley. Never stop gaming just because of your age!

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[-] smallaubergine@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

Why do you care what other people/society thinks? Play/watch/read/do whatever you want. As long as you're not hurting anybody and you're enjoying yourself why would it matter

[-] June7th@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago

I'm only in my early 30s and have no intention of not playing video games because I hit a certain age. I think a lot about this old lady I used to follow on Twitter who would review JRPGs and how cool she is (unfortunately I stopped using Twitter and don't remember her handle). I think these days, it's less likely for it to be "weird", whereas I remember being a kid and hearing people say it was childish.

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[-] ladydascalie@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago

I work in the games industry. So it would be pretty surprising if there were a "social cutoff" in my circle.

I've met people who think playing games is weird for an adult, but then they don't question watching TV or YouTube videos for hours. People who judge you based on where you find your entertainment tend not to be fun to be around.

[-] UziBobuzi@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

I'll be 59 this year and have been gaming since Pong. They'll pry my controller from my cold, dead fingers. Also, I'm a woman as is the circle I play with, who are also all older women (45+). We do exist and couldn't give a fuck about what society thinks about it.

Better gaming than just being a potato watching TV every spare minute with no other outlet.

Gaming's been shown to help prevent dementia because it keeps the brain active.

Consider that the women that you've been trying to date that don't appreciate gaming just aren't the right partner for you.

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[-] rwhitisissle@beehaw.org 6 points 1 year ago

Posts like this remind me of the Twilight Zone episode Time Enough At Last, in which a man who loves to read gets knocked out and wakes up after the world has been devastated by hydrogen bombs. The entire episode leading up to this had most of the characters chastising the protagonist for being a "reader," who spends all of his time reading "doggerel" such as, wait for it, David Copperfield. Perhaps this was a genuine attitude held, if perhaps not as extremely, by people in the early or middle parts of the 20th century before television was truly ubiquitous, who looked at reading as frivolous or immature entertainment. But my point is that you're facing a cultural attitude that will probably shift more and more in favor of inclusiveness as time goes on. Almost all women in their 30s that I know either play video games themselves or just uncritically accept that other people play video games for fun. I can see why women in their 40s might be less amenable to it. I don't have anything to add other than that you're both ahead of the curve and a victim of the times.

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[-] Send_me_nude_girls@feddit.de 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I personally think it's only related to birth generation. For currently past 30 years old it was still pretty rare for people to game a lot. Now everyone has a smartphone and gaming is a big business. Also people past a certain age develop a level of "old people grumpiness" and this sticks to them in whatever they do. Some lost interest in hobbies and are seriously envious of people enjoying gaming instead of watching TV all day or gossiping with neighbors. I also believe current younger generstions are much more understanding of other people's life choices, less judging. Not long ago young marriage was the goal number one, for thousands of years. We're live in a fast changing age at the moment.

There's no drop off for gaming.

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[-] StaticFlow@feddit.uk 5 points 1 year ago
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[-] lemillionsocks@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

I think elder millennials are definitely at the cutoff point for it. I'm in my early 30s so I'm a millenial with a capital M. Right in the middle of the generation. I'd also argue that we were the pivoting point for mainstream gaming.

Based on interactions with people my age and older I'd say the cutoff is closer to like 35 maybe 38? Even in my generation I remember growing up in high school and middle school that it wasnt as socially acceptable to play videogames for girls. As a 34 year old I'll say they werent uncommon and I played games with girls growing up and it wasnt hard to find girls my age in hs and college who played games, but it seems like the majority of girls were encouraged to age out of it. If I were to make up a number I'd say maybe 1/4 played video games? maybe half depending on the setting.

Even among guys I'd argue that after a certain age a majority of guys kept to a very specific type of game like sports games and maybe an FPS like halo or Cod.

It was during my late teens and early 20s that geek chic really took hold and it became more and more socially acceptable to like hobbies that were previously seen as childish or nerdy and it not be a big deal. I feel like a lot of "closeted" nerds and gamers became more open about the silly things they liked, and those who stopped because they were embarrassed as teens were willing to pick up a controller again.

The cultural shift happened right in the thick of things though so the closer you are to gen X the more likely you were expected to outgrow things and the closer you were to gen z the more you're allowed to just have fun.

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[-] closure1170@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago
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[-] hellequin67@lemmy.fmhy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

I'm 56 and play Minecraft and PUBG mobile.

As long as you're having fun I don't see why it should have an age limit.

Unless you're playing specifically children's games.

[-] Skooshjones@vlemmy.net 5 points 1 year ago

I think it's generational. When I talk to folks about gaming in their early-mid 30's, the majority of them either also game, or at least don't think it's weird. Video games and board games too.

I think once you hit that rough age cutoff for millennials, late 30's-early 40's it seems video gaming and board gaming also largely falls off. At least that's been my experience.

My spouse and I are in our 30's and most of our peers game. Keep it up and never stop having fun!

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[-] Drewelite@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 year ago

From my parents, my wife, and her parents I definitely got a, "Oh you still play games, like you're a kid. That's cute." vibe. But they we're pretty accepting once they realized it wasn't some hold over phase from being a teenager and a legitimate hobby with a community that increases technical knowledge, too.

That being said I still feel like a kid in one respect. You know that meme, where you're playing an online game and your mom comes in and says "Pause it and come to dinner." I get similar comments from my wife. And she'll get annoyed sometimes. Like, "I needed you help on something but I guess your game is more important." But I just sunk 45 mins of effort into a match of CS:GO, my rank is on the line which I've spent a lot more time on, it's actually pretty rude to ask me to drop that because you want the trash out. Not to mention I'm tanking my teammates ranks. Like if my hobby was soccer, you wouldn't walk out onto the pitch during a game holding everyone up and expect me to have a conversation about repainting the bathroom. But because they can't see the game, they don't get it.

So in that respect it can be difficult as an adult. You do have more responsibilities and relationships you need to maintain. So you need to be clear about setting aside time for your hobby. Communicate well with those in your life about it and what you need from them.

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[-] EnderWi99in@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You're looking at it from the wrong direction. It's what age is the cut off that gaming was the norm growing up, and therefore remains a part of the culture at any age. I'm 38 and most people I know, both men and women, are into some type of gaming. I feel I'm already fairly close to that line so if you're looking at just a decade ahead, you grew up in the 70s and early 80s when gaming was just truly making it's first rise. For my generation in the 1990s though it was almost an expectation of childhood and making friends. Looks like you have to start dating people in their 30s.

[-] I1l0o0l1I@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

There's absolutely no age cut off for video games. I would even go further and say that more seniors should play video games.

But, I also wouldn't be too judgy with people who think video games are for kids. This is all thanks to decades of marketing. Atari, the first popular video game console, was sold along side TVs and other electronics and was targeted towards everyone. But then Nintendo decided to market their console as a toy, instead of a consumer electronics product. Also, they had to pick a "boy" vs "girl" aisle, and they picked "boy", which is why video games aren't seen as girly.

[-] decavolt@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'm 48. I was dating five years ago, and now I'm married to a woman who doesn't play games at all. So I'll say this: when a date says "oh dear" or some such when you say you play games, that's a red flag. Even if they don't personally play, it's pretty shitty for a partner (or potential partner) to try to make you feel bad about about your hobbies. Absolutely fuck that noise. They don't have to like the same things, but it's a whole other situation for them to tell you it's dumb or wrong for you to like what you like. That goes double when you have kids and you play with them.

I play games, I draw, and I play D&D. Hell, I just bought a Steamdeck and am goingto build an arcade cabinet with my stepson. My wife does none of that, and it's super important to me that I not be shamed about my hobbies. I would never shame her about hers.

There is no age cutoff. The idea that fun things are childish is a stupid concept pushed by boring people on the rest of us because they don't know how to have fun anymore.

[-] Saintzillla@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

33M with a daughter that will be learning Rocket League as soon as she shows any interest. 😂

It's definitely skewed by generation, but it's just an ignorance thing.

My dad quit videogames when I chopped him down with a 180 in 1080 Snowboarding on the N64 right before the finish line.

He loves watching Star Trek.

I game about how much he watches TV. One is passive. One is engaged. Both are fine.

He has spent most of my life thinking they're dumb, but has kind of chilled out over time. Just wish he would check out Starfield or whatever when it comes out.

That said, gaming is polarizing. You either come from a place where it's misunderstood to celebrated or you come from a place where it's vilified.

I have an uncle who put down video games my whole life like I was wasting it.

I'm happily married with a house and a kid and my life is totally kickass.

He's got a (thus far) bad investment in a sim space these days. His sons company. He insists it isn't video games.

You know... It's literally the highest end of gaming... Like, wut.

[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 5 points 1 year ago

Games should always be socially acceptable, and my recommendation is for you to look for women who, even if they don't play, would be willing to try something. Start with something that's easy to learn and that you can play together, like Bomberman (the old SNES ones are still great). Coop will always work better at first, it makes a clear message that you're not there "to win", you're there "to teach"

I strongly suspect most women don't play because they see games as something "for boys". Not many ever had the opportunity to play anything when they were younger and most dismiss the games they actually play, like Candy Crush or whatever, as "not really games".

My ex never bothered with games, despite playing some flash stuff back in the late 2000's. To her surprise, she actually enjoyed playing Tekken 6, Torchlight 2 and Kirby Star Allies, all of which I gave her a chance to play. I also presented many other games, but she didn't show any interest, so I didn't push them. Even my mom, who always despised me and my games, plays one of those Hidden Objects games every day (used to only play Solitaire and Freecell).

My nephews don't have a videogame or PC for themselves, but on 2 occasions that I set up something for them to play, they had a blast, once beating each other on Street Fighter 2, the other getting lost and yelling at each other in Super Mario 3D World.

[-] BingoBangoBongo@midwest.social 5 points 1 year ago

Its dumb to call video games childish then go home and flip on love is blind or some shit like that.

[-] Altomes@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

Until I see grown men stopping caring about sports I don’t think there’s some magical cut off. It’s the same shit, like what you enjoy fuck the rest

[-] JakeBacon@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

I don't think there is a cutoff.

My 80yo grandfather still pulls out the gamecube to play Mario Kart (and for a long time noone else could beat him). My grandmother before she passed was not really big on video games but would play one specific level of crash bandicoot over and over again.

My 45~yo mother streams minecraft in her free time and is even looking to start up a YouTube channel with more content. Some of her viewers are close to her age and when she was playing more Counter Strike than Minecraft the server she played on had adults of all ages on it.

I'm getting closer to 30 every year and I can't see myself ever quitting games. If/when I marry I imagine playing games will just be part of family bonding. I may get worse as I age like my grandfather but I doubt I'll ever stop.

[-] AChiTenshi@vlemmy.net 5 points 1 year ago

In reality there is no age. It is a hobby as any other and don't let people judge you for enjoying it. They can not partake in the hobby all they want but they don't get to judge you for doing so.

[-] surrendertogravity@wayfarershaven.eu 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Interesting question! For me it feels like both a social group and age-based thing. I know of a couple co-workers in their 30s / mid 40s who play video games and we’ll chat about games very occasionally. My ex’s friends were all mid-twenties folks and gaming was one of their multiple hobbies.

But in general, I wouldn’t bring video games up with the majority of my other co-workers, and certainly not during small talk with more-or-less strangers (chiropractor, barbers, etc), whereas every other hobby I’d be cool talking to strangers about. I think I’ve been socialized to feel like gaming is “immature” and only to be talked about with other people “in the know” so I don’t feel judged for enjoying it.

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[-] storksforlegs@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Just be open about how much you enjoy games. You wouldnt want to get into a relationship with someone who dislikes your interests anyway, right? Think of it as a way to filter out people who arent compatible.

[-] Scary_le_Poo@beehaw.org 5 points 1 year ago

I'm 41 and not only do I play games everyday I also develop them. My girlfriend enjoys the fact that I play games. When we aren't together a lot of the time I will stream them and most of the time she's my only viewer lol

She is very supportive and encouraged me to do things that are fun.

Honestly, if the women you are meeting aren't supportive of your hobbies and what you enjoy doing to relax, then trust me when I say you don't want anything to do with them. These women are telling you who they are, believe them and steer clear.

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[-] philpo@feddit.de 5 points 1 year ago

I am a paramedic and used to do some part-time work in nursing homes. In other words: I see a lot of old folks.

There is no age cut-off and anyone telling you there is one is simply gatekeeping/steering up drama.

I have seen an old WW2 fighter pilot who had a kick ass Sim Suite with multiple screen,etc. in his room (was in the early 2000 so still old heavy screens). Every evening an aide rolled him "in" his setup with his wheelchair and he "flew" for hours, either MSFS or various fighter games. (I feel really sorry for him that he died before the wave of really good milsim games came out).

I saw countless people with NES, SNES, PS1,PS2 etc.- just because their body was failing them their mind wasn't. While motor control is an issue we nowadays have much better alternatives for these cases.

And we have overwhelming scientific evidence that gaming does keep your finemotric up to date and decreases some challenges of aging. And online gaming has been proven to reduce loneliness in older people - which is a problem especially older men face.

I know,you are not nearly that old as the people in my examples. But they played since the 80ies.

So why shouldn't you?

[-] asclepias@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

I'm over 40 and still game with my husband and kids. It's a normal part of our lives, and it's fairly limited when our kids (all 10 and under) are awake.

However, I have seen many, many posts over the years in various mom spaces about husbands and fathers putting gaming before their families. Coming home from work and going straight to the console 5 days a week. Using their paid time off to no life AAA releases while their wives had to use theirs on sick kids. Spending "his" money upgrading the gaming rig while putting the stay at home spouse or lower earner on a such a strict budget she couldn't afford clothes or haircuts. Exploding at their kids for being interrupted during online game sessions in the middle of the afternoon. These are extreme examples, but I've seen them all more than once. If that's the lived experience of the women you are meeting, I can see why you'd get an unenthusiastic response to the hobby.

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this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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