this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
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Not the Onion

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For news articles which seem so much like satire that you're surprised they're not from The Onion.

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[–] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 49 points 1 year ago (6 children)

That website was so awful I had to look up the story from another source lol

Her "bag of drugs" contained:

3.25 grams of cocaine 1.75 grams of crack cocaine 1 gram of crystal meth 1.5 pills of hydromorphone 2 pills of amphetamine 4.5 pills of alprazolam metal spoon 4 glass pipes with residue plastic baggies with white residue full needle 2 straws

[–] Crikeste@lemm.ee 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Fuuuuuun. I’ve always wanted a collection of drugs. That scene in Fear & Loathing always had me jealous.

[–] Mango@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

I applaud her responsible labeling and commitment to diversity!

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 11 points 1 year ago

"...once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can."

[–] Nougat@fedia.io 3 points 1 year ago

No Chore Boy? Amateur.

[–] Dufurson@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

seems like a regular Monday

[–] Reddfugee42@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago
[–] frightful_hobgoblin@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is this one of those Macedonian websites that completely fabricates stories for pageviews?

They have this story as well: https://inshort.geartape.com/man-becomes-10-years-younger-after-93-days-at-bottom-of-the-atlantic/

[–] Cadeillac@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Have you spent 93 days at the bottom of the Atlantic? It is life changing

[–] frightful_hobgoblin@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We should all do this once every ten years. Live forever.

[–] Cadeillac@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Almost like some sort of fountain of youth

Yes, chronic sleep deprivation from your Chief yelling at you is often life changing, but at least you get to hug a torpedo

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

It's the hydration that makes all the difference. I think.

[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I had a band in the 90s named after a guy we called punker Mike. He always came to our practices with a bag of various drugs. He called it his trailmix. We named that band, Mike's Trailmix.

Good times. I think. Can't really remember.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Good times. I think. Can't really remember.

That’s how you can tell they were.

[–] MotoAsh@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I mean... even without drugs, "time flies when you're having fun" is an expression for a reason.

[–] TommySoda@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Does she keep her money in a big bag with a dollar sign on it?

[–] Madison420@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Don't do that or you have to pay Gene Simmons and no that isn't a joke, he copyrighted the cartoon bag of money.

Man I hate when I lose my bag of drugs in my pile of random drugless bags.

This life pro tip is going to save me so much time to do more drugs!

A lot of drug users have poor organizational skills. Maybe this one is self medicating for ocd?

[–] zcd@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

Part of me respects her being responsible

[–] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

"They’ll never look in here!"