It just sounds sophomoric. The focus on modifiers is very chuuni in a boyish sense. It's clear that he was a STEM major

Disagree on concise which was the point of my whole comment.

Read:

To the Feds, I'll keep this short, because I do respect what you do for our country. To save you a lengthy investigation, I state plainly that I wasn't working with anyone. This was trivial: some elementary social engineering basic CAD, a lot of patience. The spiral notebook, if present, has some straggling notes and To Do lists that illuminate the gist of it. My tech is pretty locked down because I work in engineering so probably not much info there. I do apologize for any strife of traumas but it had to be done. These parasites had it coming. A reminder: the US has the #1 most expensive healthcare system in the world, yet we rank roughly #42 in life expectancy. United is the [indecipherable] largest company in the US by market cap, behind only Apple, Google, Walmart. It has grown and grown, but as our life expectancy? No the reality is, these [indecipherable] have gotten too powerful, and they continue to abuse our country for immense profit because the American public has allwed them to get away with it. Obviously the problem is more complex, but I do not have space, and I do not pretend to be the most qualified person to lay out the full argument But many have illuminated the corruption and greed (e.g.: Rosenthal, Moore), decades ago and the problems remain. It is not an issue of awareness at this point, but clearly power games at play. I am the first to face it with such brutal honesty

Punchier. More direct. Adverbs are fine in moderation but this was way too many. I only wish he would've let me proofread this before doing the deed.

Prose =/= format