Ask Lemmy

My old dog was super racist. It was hideous to walk in town and she was happy to be there and chill with everyone until we meet one black person and she'd start growling and barking, baring teeth, hackles up, the works. Absolutely mortifying.

Picked a fight with a stationary chair and lost

Couple days ago my cat decided to sprint out of the bedroom. She jumped down from her hammock on my headboard, zoomed across the bed, hit the floor and started sprinting. However there was a problem. At the corner of the open door was a manual that I had left on the floor, being a lazy piece of shit. Her back paw hit it and she immediately spun sideways and nearly fell over. Instantly went into a sassy walk and started sauntering off like "I totally meant to do that." When I started laughing hysterically she gave me the stink eye and sprinted away again.

I bought a 3 liter gravity fed water bottle for my cats and thought it would be great! They'd always have water while I'm at work.

Set it up, tested it, worked great, went to work, came home, 3 liters of water all over the kitchen floor. WTF?

Mopped it up, re-filled, everything was fine, no leaks. Went to bed, next morning all dry, no leaks. Went to work, came home, 3 liters of water all over the floor again.

WTAF?

So I clean it up and re-fill it again and I'm working next to the kitchen where I can see it.

My big male cat walks over, gets a drink, sees the bubbles float up inside the water bottle and starts SHOVELLING water out of the bowl trying to chase the bubbles...

And that's when I got rid of the gravity fed water bowl.

We had a male German shepherd/husky mix when I was a kid. One winter a snow drift built up on the fence and he used that to jump out. As spring melted it away, he continued to use it to jump over the fence until there was no drift left and he was just leaping from the ground.

He would go on adventures. There was a wooded area a few miles away and he would regularly drag back deer parts. Usually bones, but one time we got a call from our neighbor who said our dog was dragging something down the road.

It turned out to be a multi-point buck head.

Happened quite recently.

So my cat is kinda easily startled and generally jumpy so she has these hilarious moments. Like she's chilling on my lap when i'm laying on the couch and I suddenly have to sneeze, the poor thing jolts up and jumps off like hit by a lightning.

So last time I was playing with her using a string of yarn, she hunted it down, pounced forward and fought it on the floor.

Then for some reason she jumped up and got the zoomies...

And ran head first against the dresser.

I mean she knew it was there... Just stood around for a bit and walking slowly dizzily. She even looked kinda embarassed lol.

After my initial shock faded and i realized she was ok i just had to laugh. I love that jumpy little idiot.

My dog got himself tangled in the leash before I could get him untangled he saw another dog, immediately ran full speed ahead and did a summersault when he leash stopped him.

My dog isn’t too derpy so she doesn’t do that sort of stuff often but I always remember one goofy moment. We were walking along and she was doing her thing, sniffing all the great sniffs to be had. We were walking on concrete when she stopped to sniff something, all I could see was a small dark stain on the concrete but she was super into it. In one motion, she went to roll in it but must’ve realized too late that it was just concrete and did a full somersault, ass over her head, the whole thing. She popped up with a very confused look on her face for a few seconds while I stood there cackling to myself.

Ages ago, we had a cat that went outdoors (not my choice, I was a child). This cat lived to hunt birds. One winter he was stalking along the railing of the deck, with a bird at one end of the railing. He launched at the bird and the bird

flies up

And he plummets down as he forgot birds could fly and he can't and he's over empty space

He hits the snow covered bushes with a thump. A moment later he stalks inside shaking snow off. He absolutely did not want to talk about it.

My ex's chihuahua. We were walking him at this park one day, the park had a few walls that were like 20 to 30cm high that had grass fields on top. He looks at one of the walls from afar and decides he's jumping it. He starts sprinting with confidence, head held high, but when he arrives he jumps forward instead of upwards and smashes his face against the wall. Only his pride was hurt, but I nearly died of laughter, I couldn't help it.

My dog got her head stuck inside an empty McDonalds bag and banged her head into a wall, not hard but enough for us to go check what was going on. When we found her she was shaking her head back and forth but couldn't get it off until we helped 😂

Many moons ago we had a budgie. In his cage he had a little swing on a hook and one of his games was unhooking the swing and rehooking it. One day he had unhooked his swing and then let go of the ceiling of his cage. With a loud clang both he and the swing fell down. He looked very embarrassed and very caught in the act.