The Onion and other satire w/ layers

As President Trump’s Epstein ties continue to dominate headlines, Trump is wielding every measure at his disposal to divert public attention away from the scandal. Now, after making a series of controversial statements about getting Coke to use cane sugar and warning the Washington Commanders to change their name back to the “Redskins,” he’s attempting his most desperate distraction tactic yet: President Trump has threatened to commit suicide unless the Malcolm In The Middle reboot brings back the original Dewey instead of recasting him. [...]