this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2025
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers

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[–] CubitOom@infosec.pub 13 points 1 month ago

I would literally die if someone did this to me

[–] Rolder@reddthat.com 7 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Makes me think of Cassius Clay, guy from the late 1800s who defended his home at the age of 89 with a pistol and a knife. And had a home defense cannon just because.

[–] Nomorereddit@lemmy.today 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Once a sheriff was sent to arrest clay in his 80s with 5 deputies.

Sheriff returned to judge and said he couldn't complete the arrest and wouldn't try again without 100 armed national guardsman.

[–] Rolder@reddthat.com 4 points 1 month ago

Yep because clay used his home defense cannon to convince them to leave lmao

[–] pepsi_not_coke@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Muhammad Ali wouldn't even need a pistol or knife to make me run away screaming.

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think Ali was named after the 1800s guy.

[–] Rolder@reddthat.com 2 points 1 month ago
[–] Triumph@fedia.io 5 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Firearms are the great equalizer.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 20 points 1 month ago (30 children)

Yeah it equalizes your chances of killing your family by mistake to roughly the same as a home invader killing them.

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[–] SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 month ago

Only if you know how to use them and practice regularly. And even then ...

"God created men, Colt made them equal"

[–] Manifish_Destiny@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 month ago

See Peter Khill.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Gun nuts are hilarious. Guy breaks into you house at 3am. Wait, let me go down to the basement gun cabinet..shit forgot the keys...ok, got the gun, loaded it, intruder didn't see or hear anything, wait...forgot the hearing protection so I don't go deaf after the first shot..

The don't show people going deaf on TV or using proper gun storage required by law.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Meanwhile me with a suppressed 300 blackout SBR AR simply tucked out of view in my room in a state with no storage laws and no kids who could find it: "Yee-fucking-haw, choke point is the stairs boys come on up."

Won't wake up the neighbors, might wake up the cats (but only because they'll wake up before I even shoot. Som'bitch is quiet but cats are cats and the break/entry will be loud enough before I even stand up.)

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Manifish_Destiny@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Homeowner: Entrenched with lord knows how much ammo, as much as they can store, and knows their house's layout and choke points.

Attacker(s): Only brought what they can carry. Likely 1-2 mags each. Fog of war in an unknown house.

Place your bets now ladies and gentlemen.

[–] LyingCake@feddit.org 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 month ago

Yippie ki-yay.

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 3 points 1 month ago

Real big gravy seal energy (out of shape home defense) or tech bro (I’m prepared for a hypothetical end of the world and deluded myself I will live) energy.

[–] GLOOMSDAY@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I always think of Bill Burr talking about home invasions, and he's like if you need one just get a pea shooter. You don't need an automatic weapon that will shoot a hole through the perp, your daughters room, and your neighbors dog. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaLTWW_yEG4

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 month ago

That's why all these home invasion victims are getting gun charges. Then of course, police know home invasions are rarely not targeted because of some criminal activity.

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago

In your own home you dont really need a solid plan, you just need to be willing enough to really fuck up another human being. In the heat of the moment, quite a lot of us are inclined to show restraint and mercy where we would receive none.

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