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Do y'all not speak dog?
You say your so sorry in an a high pitched whine and then slowly reach out and slowly stroke them, ideally along the side of their muzzle and neck, around the corner of their mouth and neck until they calm down. Then you give them a little extra generic affection to smooth things over
Also animals are very aware of intent, if there is no prior action or agression and it's one-off they understand that
Seriously. Dogs and cats both have a dozen or so basic forms of body language or sounds that can convey basic messages.
"What's worse than heartbreak?"
*proceeds to describe heartbreak in its purest form*
That's anthropomorphism.
Dogs don't need some long, heartfelt apology. They're pretty good at understanding humans, they've been around us for millennia after all, and most people instinctively know how to convey to their dog that they're not being aggressive - the dog quickly understand it was an accident.
The big apology, the tears, etc that's for us, to make us feel less bad about having hurt them. They don't need it, but they will gladly take the cuddling and petting, so no harm there. :)
The dog understands when I'm upset, and when I'm playful, so I would like to believe they understand my apologies
They do. But for true communication you have to meet them halfway
Sniffing their butts?
I would say you let them sniff your butt, but if that's the half you want to pick...
Don't kink shame
Dogs have evolved to be acutely aware of human emotions. They know when you're sad they know when you're happy. They're not stupid. They evolved WITH us. It was a mutual evolution of years and years. They know you didn't mean to and are sorry, and will forgive.
Man, what the hell. :(
I don’t even have a dog.
Only way to right this is to write a country song about it and dedicate it to your dog.
I saw some videos of dogs using those buttons that will say human words when pressed. Obviously the popular videos are from abnormally intelligent dogs but my takeaway was that animals are incredibly perceptive and aware. They understand a lot of what you're trying to communicate, unless it's some abstract human nonsense.