this post was submitted on 26 Dec 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] saimen@feddit.org 44 points 2 days ago (1 children)

PokemonFamilyFriendlyWorkingConditionsAndFreeDaycare?

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 31 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] ghen@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago

Who knew people don't like making babies when the only thing separating them and their parents is two sheets of drywall.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 days ago

Please gamefreak I am begging you

[–] princess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 193 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Pokémon Universal Basic Income?!

[–] criss_cross@lemmy.world 56 points 2 days ago

Pokémon Healthcare for All

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[–] oopsgodisdeadmybad@lemmy.zip 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If you wanna increase birth rates, take 100% of all the billionaire's money (not a "reasonable tax amount" and spread it to everyone else.

I'm more than willing to just let them be literally penniless (and disqualified for welfare) if the world will benefit from it. And it will.

They don't deserve an honest living, they deserve a solitary confinement cell.

[–] Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I’m open to them having social welfare after being stripped of their assets. I think I just expect that our prisons should provide its inmates with a humane standard of living of which they would of course have access to from their cell.

[–] oopsgodisdeadmybad@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 day ago

They can have a minimum wage job.

And hopefully after capping them at the knees (power and influence-wise), we can move to a society that actually has universal health care, even for minimum wage.

I'm not ok with them benefiting from what society at large has been breaking their backs to fund.

At least not outside of an emergency. I don't wanna actually have them die because of actual medical issues in the mean time.

Unless they make spectacles of themselves complaining about their new station in life. That can effectively qualify them to be cut off. Sunny nobody got a right to whine about not getting to use human sacrifice to their benefit anymore.

[–] TastyWheat@lemmy.world 51 points 2 days ago

Pokemon Smash

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 102 points 2 days ago (15 children)

The declining birthrate is a feature, not a problem to be solved. We do not need more people. Capitalism needs more people. We don't.

[–] StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 30 points 2 days ago (5 children)

I mean, it absolutely can become a problem if an entire population turns elderly and Theres no young people to take over businesses, care for the elderly, maintain critical infrastructure.

Say what you want about the capitalist ideals that hold this time important,if the birthrate hit 0% we would be facing societal collapse

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 46 points 2 days ago (1 children)

if the birthrate hit 0% we would be facing societal collapse

Bit strawmanny that. Nobody considers 0% a reasonable target.

[–] StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Just an extreme example, but there are actual statistics out there I cant remember where a bunch of people much smarter than me figured out the "this is an emergency" percentage,

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[–] WhyJiffie@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Pokemon Create and every time you take a photo of a new newborn baby with the app, and send your genetic samples for verification, you have a chance to collect a rare pokemon

[–] puchaczyk@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago
[–] pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 2 days ago (3 children)
[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 days ago

Honestly I was just as surprised as you are

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

The funny thing is that they teased it like 3 years before it actually came out, so people following Pokemon news were like "Where the hell is Pokemon Sleep?" for years

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[–] assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 40 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I hope they release Pokemon guillotine next

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[–] manigordo@lemy.lol 29 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Did you know that Vaporeon....

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 21 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female pokemon breeding, vaporeon is not the most compatible pokemon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however vaporeon has its human on pokemon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, umbreon.

Umbreon boasts an extremely impressive defense stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, defense and special defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, inner focus allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued.

Umbreon also has access to the ability synchronise, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels combined with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect, breedable pokemon.

A great fun fact, umbreon can excrete toxins in it's sweat, which would in turn soak your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your umbreon as well (which with synchronise, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). It can learn payback, which doubles in power after the pokemon is hit, meaning umbreon will throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn guard swap, it could give you it's insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance.

Speaking of endurance, umbreon also has access to endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use taunt, in turn making you only able to do attacking moves such as slam, pound, etc;

It's access to the abilities inner focus and synchronise allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of it's pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other pokemon, or even four times, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with it's extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes umbreon the most qualified to breed with humans; able to take d**k of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.

[–] zikzak025@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

How do I un-read something?

[–] tourist@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago

You have to retroactively do what I did and cripple your attention span to a point where if you see any piece of text longer than a few sentences, your brain just automatically skips past it

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[–] DylanMc6@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 days ago

Pokemon Hump

[–] BilSabab@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (2 children)

TIL there's a game called Pokemon Sleep. My life will never be the same.

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[–] Xerxos@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 days ago

There are already plenty Pokémon porn games

[–] Sharlot@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago

Pokémon GO: touch grass ✅ Pokémon Sleep: touch pillow ✅ Now we just need Pokémon Rent so we can afford kids 😂

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 48 points 2 days ago (1 children)

"We're releasing a Vaporion that can get pregnant"

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[–] Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 days ago
[–] krooklochurm@lemmy.ca 23 points 2 days ago

Pikachu, I fuck you!

[–] stringere@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)
[–] Logical@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago

If it's anything like the original, I am not sure that will solve the specific problem of declining birthrates.

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago (4 children)

It's only a problem for our species. And, only for future potential members of our species. The declining birth rate isn't going to hurt anyone alive today. Not even billionaires, not in any way that matters.

Overall, the Earth would be much happier and peaceful without us. We're not special, we're just selfish.

Finally, probably, even in the worst human-caused catastrophe, at least some pockets of humanity would survive. Again, though, not that it really matters.

TLDR; Don't worry about it. It's no one's problem to solve. We didn't ask to be born, and none of us owe our species anything.

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[–] greenbit@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Cabbage_Pout61@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 36 points 2 days ago (14 children)

Declining birthrates will save the planet. There's already more people than we can sustainability support.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 132 points 2 days ago (17 children)

We CAN sustain everybody we have now. It's just billionaires have decided it's more profitable to let a huge section of society suffer. The more suffering for us, the more profit for them. But you have to balance it, so it doesn't lead to revolt.

Thats what ends suffering. Not decreased birthrates, but instead death and revolt of those holding back food and shelter from those that need it, so they can raise prices on unsold units.

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[–] mastertigurius@lemmy.world 33 points 2 days ago (9 children)

There's actually more than enough resources to go around, but enormous amounts are lost to waste, corruption, inequality and greed. The world isn't actually overpopulated, but over-urbanized. If it was made more feasible for people to live in the districts, more decentralised and with less waste of resources, human society would look very different.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 20 points 2 days ago

Why that direction? Intuitively I'd imagine stuffing the humans into cities would allow more mass transit, fewer cars, more economies of scale, and more area left over for nature. So more like Singapore, less like Texas.

Has anyone ever done scientific research on this question?

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[–] Limonene@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Sapphire Safari is sorta like that. It's basically Pokemon Snap, but porn.

[–] luciferofastora@feddit.org 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Just redirects me to the start page 😕

Edit: Doesn't show up in the search either, but the "similar games" do give some hint about the nature of that game

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 28 points 2 days ago

Fuck Pokémon.

Interpret that how you wish, lol

[–] BootyEnthusiast@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I didn’t fuck my Vaporeon. I didn’t cum on my Vaporeon. I didn’t put my dick anywhere near my Vaporeon. I’ve never done anything weird with my Eveelutions. I promised myself I wasn’t going to make apology videos after last years thing so I’m just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible.

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 21 points 2 days ago (2 children)

My "I didn't fuck my Vaporeon" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by the T-shirt.

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