Just wait til she shits on your lawn though
Who’s a good girl!!!! Yeah you! You’re the goodest girl! Yes you are!!!!
OP scratches gf behind her ears, puts her outside, fucks the dog.
this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2026
422 points (98.0% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
38498 readers
4189 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Yes! That's exactly what we.. wait.
WOAH WOAH WOAH SLOW DOWN
Yeah the dog doesn't like it too fast.
The dog in question: 
Does anyone else hear blink-182 in the background
Yes.... I did.... How did you know....?
This is completely reasonable.
It makes too much sense to be a shit post.
It's just healthy adaptation. They care for their partner so they found a way to meet their partner's needs that isn't overly burdensome.
I mean, what on earth makes you happier than someone you care about being excited to see you?
I just do the things to her that I do to my dog, because I love my dog more.
Ah, I see — we're calling this healthy now.
Unhealthy would be if you as the other in the relationship (the one seeking affection here) were not ok with this and tried to change it. It Doesn't sound like the relationship with the dog is negotiable.
I wouldn't be happy in that relationship because i need emotional mutuality/reflection, which is clearly muted here. But the two partners here are obviously fine with it.
I don't mean to diagnose anyone but this is fairly common for both trauma survivors and neurodivergence. Animals are just going to always be safer than people for some folks, and those folk also deserve love.
It's incredible that I have two people in this thread who simultaneously decide that the OP is an unreliable narrator and completely write in their own stories for why this actually isn't unhealthy.
It's incredible, truly — the delusion I mean.
Not sure where i decided the narrator is unreliable. They say their partner loves it. Two people happy in a relationship. An example of how one problem solved to meet the needs communicated by the other. The result being positive. That's just reading what's written. I don't see where i made something up. I provided examples of types of people who may use a logic like this but didn't prescribed it to op.
Not a dynamic for me but i wouldn't gawk at someone for feeling fulfilled in it. I get the humor that it's expected to be considered demeaning.
🤷
You must love Jujutsu Kaisen
This is the week that Lemmy shitposting died. Now its just horny on main and tumblr reposts.
I would unironically love it if my wife would bust out a chocolate telling me "whos a good boy?".
I will wash the dishes for that.
Bro, dogs can't have chocolate! \s
Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?
Years ago I was a young white guy with long hair and a short ish beard. Someone at my job decided I looked like shaggy from scooby doo. The name kinda stuck and became my nickname.
Few months later, I was at work and one of the guys came over and asked for some favor. I forget what it was but it wasn't like a 30 second thing, it was like a multi hour task. I denied the request and made some excuse. He then reached behind his back and pulled out a box of scooby snacks. They were like small graham crackers in the shape of a dog head like scooby. "Would you do it for a scooby snack?" Everyone around started laughing, even I started laughing.
I didn't end up doing it and the task was just made up for the joke. It was pretty funny though. He said he saw them over the weekend when grocery shopping for his family and thought the joke was too good.
Side note, they still make scooby snacks and the kid I'm basically raising actually really likes them.
I thought this was going to end up where all green text comments end up, choo choo
Nope, just a funny wholesome story from my past.
I would! I want to try that shit.
I want this sooooo bad.
You should wash the dishes no matter what. You live there. Clean up after yourself.
Naw
Unironically good advice though.
Some relationship experts recommend taking elements of treating your SO more like pets, because we are way more patient towards them, understand and reciprocate their needs for affection better, and don't expect them to perfect.
and also we don't hold back our emotions for them!
Ouf, that tldr tho
I just do the things to her that I do to my dog...
Sooo... You're doing it... doggystyle? 👉🏼👈🏼
I hope this doesn't mean that he treats his dog the same way he treats his gf 🍆🍑
Her name is ladybird. You gotts call it laaaaadybird like that or she won't come
Not sure how to react to this tbh.
If this is even real, at least OOP learned a lot in this relationship, so if the relationship ever ends (because the gf found the post and was horrified to discover not only that bf had been treating her like a DOG, but he also told the entire world about it but didn't tell HER), at least he kinda knows a little bit better how to treat a woman.
This is kinda sad but I'm... glad it worked?
It's sad only because the tone is dismissive/condescending. Otherwise it's just describing someone who figured out how their gf likes to receive affection. My head canon says they've only been dating for a couple months and they've had their dog for years.
I don't think I could ever love a partner more than I love my cat tbh
Honestly, can a human ever be worth as much as a cat? Humans are just inherently inferior.
I hope his gf reads it.
On one hand: good for them. On the other: how are people this helpless
Schizoid moment