this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2026

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Tavern’s Closed (cdn.nord.pub)

submitted 18 hours ago by SirHaxalot@nord.pub to c/comicstrips@lemmy.world

46 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Source: https://warandpeas.com/2026/03/29/taverns-closed/

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[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 23 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

A favourite prank - True Story:

Guy from Québec goes to southern US for work. Thick accent and very catholic. Befriends locals, but finds the trope about ignorance to be ... deserved.

At bar after work, locals try to explain Christianity to him. He plays dumb EXPERTLY.

Merican - So Jesus died for our sins and came back to life.

Qué: Like le zombie?

Merican: Well, no. Not like that. But he showed his friends the holes in his hands to prove it was him and he really died.

Qué: Oui! Like le zombie. Wounds on hands from 'ow he died and fleshrotting off face...

Merican: No no nothing like that.

Qué: But he died? (Yup) For real? (Yup) But got back up? (yes) With wounds. (Yes). So 'ow eez dis not like le zombie?

Merican: I'm just not explaining it well. (Story goes on) Gets to transubstantiation. Take this bread and eat of my flesh. Take this cup and drink of my blood ... and you shall have everlasting life.

Qué: Mais oui! You See. Like le zombie! He eat your flesh. I see many movie like dis.

Merican: No! Sorry, I'm not explaining it well. Jesus doesn't eat your flesh. He wants you to eat his, symbollically.

Qué: Ohhh! I see now. Everlasting life? (Yes) So zombie Jesus feed you his zombie flesh and blood, so you turn into zombie like him and be undead forever. Are all Americain in dis zombie cult?

Merican: 😬🥵 well, when you put it like that I guess it does sound pretty weird.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 9 points 11 hours ago

My mom never appreciates me wishing her a happy Zombie Jesus Day on Easter.

[–] fiatcode@lemmy.ml 55 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

He could just use water from a well nearby, right?

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 28 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (2 children)

Yeah, I don't get this.

In John, there's a wedding and the planners forgot to bring the booze, so Jesus tells some dudes to fill a bunch of casks with water, and then poof kablamo, they are made into wine via the power of Jesus being irritated.

There's certainly a lot of imagery and focus on the blood of Jesus in the Bible... but the whole transsubstantiation/consubstantiation thing is about ... the reverse of this, wine either transforming into, or metaphorically representing the blood of Christ.

I am... not aware of any part of the Bible nor sect/branch/denomination/church that teaches that Jesus at any point turns his blood into wine.

I don't think that even happens in any of the 'expanded universe' / Gnostic texts.

In summary:

Wine -> Blood? Yes*.

Water -> Wine? Yes.

Blood -> Wine? No.

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 hours ago

I love the implication that water could be turned into wine and that wine into blood. Arguably only if the first step happened before Jesus' death and the second after

[–] YesIAmHoomanNoCat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Some Christians (at least roman-catholic) celebrate communion, consuming 'bread' and wine that has been blessed. According to them the bread and wine literally become body and blood of Christ. That's the joke of the comic :)

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

Yes but that's backwards of what the comic is representing.

As I said... I don't think any kind of Christian believes that Jesus' blood ever turns into wine.

That doesn't happen anywhere in the text.

So... the joke is... based off of a thing that doesn't happen?

It would be like making a joke based off the idea that Moses can summon floods.

He can't. He's never shown to be able to do that, he's shown to be a water bender who can move water out of the way, but not generate it.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world -1 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

doesn't happen anywhere in the text.

Religion is more than just the book. Catholics literally believe that the wine at mass is literally Jesus' blood. This is a joke about them. Not about the book that their specific flavor of whatever is based on.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

The wine turns into Jesus's blood when the priest blesses it.

This comic is the complete opposite of that.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I can't believe I'm arguing this..

In the comic, Jesus isn't turning his blood into wine. He's simply tapping the vein.

Jesus' blood is naturally alcoholic. We know this because the transubstantiation turns the wine at mass into Jesus' blood, and THAT blood is alcoholic. The fact that the wine was originally alcoholic is completely unrelated. The priests could transubstantiate water into Jesus' blood, and it'd still be alcoholic.

That's assuming you actually believe in transubstantiation.

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

There are people who celebrate Eucharist with grape juice and it doesn't turn alcoholic. It's not that transubstantiation makes it alcoholic.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

So you're saying that Jesus blood is different based on who is doing it??

Sounds like someone is doing it wrong

[–] prettybunnys@piefed.social 2 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

The literally believe the blessing of the Eucharist turns the wine into the blood of their nailed god.

Not that the blood of Christ turns into wine.

Hope this helps.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 1 points 11 hours ago

And then that wine is like 25 proof. ergo, his blood is 25 proof.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Look, I'm not Catholic or any kind of Christian, but...

Catholics do not believe that Jesus' blood turns into wine.

So... acting like they do... is just trolling, basically.

Its not a joke, because it doesn't stem from a thing that someone actually believes.

It is simply asserting that someone believes a thing they do not... which is trolling.

There are a vast plethora of ludicrous things that varying kinds of Christians believe are literally true, that you could make an actual joke out of.

[–] prettybunnys@piefed.social 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

https://www.usccb.org/eucharist

[–] Mesophar@pawb.social 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

That is the opposite of this though, like all the other comments are trying to explain.

Eucharist = wine and bread turning into Christ's blood and flesh

Comic = Christ's blood turning into wine

How are so many people getting that backwards? Are you all trolling?

[–] prettybunnys@piefed.social 2 points 6 hours ago

You’ll get no disagreement from me

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 58 points 18 hours ago

All hail the artists mark!

[–] Geobloke@aussie.zone 10 points 14 hours ago

Did anyone bright snacks?

Wait a minute! Jes...

[–] Arghblarg@lemmy.ca 17 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (3 children)

He could've just peed into a jug instead, and then turned that into wine, right? I mean, it's mostly water.

[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 8 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

So are people...

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Wonder what they would have called Data? Still ugly, of course, but he's certainly not a bag of mostly water!

[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 2 points 6 hours ago

[–] wolframhydroxide@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Are you sure that his bodily systems aren't heat-sunk with water as a coolant?

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Possible, although it's never been revealed. He's always looked very dry when opened up.

[–] wolframhydroxide@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 hours ago

True, though any engineer capable of the delicate manufacture of a positronic brain should be a master of cable management.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 8 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

For that matter, so is wine ...

[–] brsrklf@jlai.lu 2 points 14 hours ago (4 children)

If Jesus turns the water in wine to wine, what do you get?

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 2 points 10 hours ago

Stronger wine

[–] gnutrino@programming.dev 3 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

Brandy?

[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 2 points 13 hours ago

Wine-ception.

[–] fleem@piefed.zeromedia.vip 2 points 13 hours ago

event horizon

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 13 hours ago

Don't be silly, Jesus didn't pee, he was the lamb of God. Or some stupid shit.

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

"And some bread to go with it."

[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

"and don't spill my seed on the ground"

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 1 points 7 hours ago

Let the heathens spill theirs on the dusty ground