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I'm a dude and at work I'm a super nice guy and like to talk to everyone.
I'm happily married with a kid. This girl became super agitated towards me one day after being quite friendly/normal.
I later found out she was super into me and just found out I was married with a kid. My other coworkers told me she felt like I was leading her on.
Don't date people at your workplace. It is never a good idea.
IDK. I've been married to a former coworker for 25 years and things are going okay.
Work is a huge part of people's lives and where adults tend to meet new people. I understand why you'd say it, but I just don't think disqualifying anyone you work with as a potential partner is practical or even a great idea.
ON THE OTHER HAND... I did move to another state with a woman I worked with and that ended after just a couple of months when she started seeing another coworker.
So maybe you have a point.
ask her out and you'll get your answer.
lots of people flirt with zero actual interest. at least half the women who flirt with me don't have any legit interest, they just think it's fun and they are bored. easiest way is to ask them out and they say no.
every woman in my office who was flirting with me was looking to cheat on her bf... so yeah that sucked. they only told me that after we went out though.
Off topic, but "legitimate interest" has a really foul taste after years of seeing noncompliant cookie banners. (I mostly got rid of them with browser addons now)
She's probably just being nice. She could be Canadian.
At the very least she feels safe around you.
Every person flirts differently. But there seems to be a pattern here. Does she actually talk to you (like in a conversation) when she sits next to you?
Does she know you are single (I assume)? Do you know if she is?
Start asking about her interests, if there is something in common you can say "hey, I saw there is an event about that thing on a certain weekend, do you want to go?". If she wants she'll agree giving her the cover of the thing, not you. If she doesn't want she'll decline saying she has other plans for the day (and if she wants to go out with you but really has previous engagements she'll propose a different date).
Best of luck!
That's a solid advice but no I'm not looking for a relationship right now haha. I am just observing things and noticed this little thing. Currently, I feel like I have a lot things to learn and grow from before I consider being in a relationship. I'm sorry that I didn't mention this detail in the post.
Yeah I know her and we met very recently. We don't talk a lot but we talk. She's a much more reserved person and I am kinda same lol, so we didn't have many conversations.
Sounds healthy. You do you, and in this case that is good.
(and if she wants to go out with you but really has previous engagements she’ll propose a different date)
Maybe not. If she's really shy OP might have to propose two or three things that might be interesting to her. Just don't do it in rapid succession.
relationships aren't something where you can apply rules that somebody else gave you. you have to follow your own gut feeling. you'll learn through experience, is my guess.
no, relationships have rules and patterns that are easy to figure out.
your own gut feelings are often unreliable, esp if you are not socially savvy.
that's why people go to therapy, to learn to stop reacting with gut feelings and recognize what is actually going on, so they can respond to reality of other's behavior rather than their emotional reaction to it. because lots of people have poor emotional reactions.
in my opinion, having a gut feeling is similar/comparable to having a taste of smell.
not everybody has it. for most animals it's the most important sense of all, since it is able to tell what food is edible/poisonous, navigate in the environment, read the emotional state of other animals nearby, ...
but for some reason, some humans seem to have more or less completely lost the sense of smell. or if they still have it, it's very reduced and can basically only differentiate a few very basic smells. the same is true for gut feelings: most animals have them and they are the major source of information and navigation for most animals in existence! (it's not as if animals had schools, many animals aren't even raised by their parents at all). it's only humans that seem to have lost all senses of gut feelings, at least many people seem to have. i think i'm actually one of the few people that i know personally that still have an excellent gut feeling sense.
I disagree that the rules and patterns are easy to figure out. However, I agree with your point about gut feelings and therapy.
Different people can act/react in different ways, which is part of what makes these moments confusing. Sometimes gut feelings can clue you in to things you're not consciously aware of, but in interpersonal situations gut feelings can also be colored by your own hopes, fears, and biases. Someone who likes another person may be more likely to read another's cues as flirtatious. Similarly, someone who doesn't like another person may read different cues as confirming that they aren't liked in kind.
Either way, this isn't enough information to go on. I do get a positive vibe, but what that means can vary. She could like OP romantically, or she could like OP as a colleague and friend. Assuming romantic intent too soon can be disastrous, but building a friendship in the meantime has pretty much no downsides. Personally, I'd let it simmer for a bit and see if other signs come up before making any decisions that could jeopardize either kind of relationship.
It definitely can be. Question is, do you know how to flirt back in an appropriate manner?
I don't know. Share me your tricks, wizard. Might come handy in the future.
Ooh that's a tricky one. There's a lot of different ways to flirt, it all depends on a few things. I've also never had to write this down so I'm working backwards from my own learned experience here.
Flirting is pretty close to just acting regular around someone, at least in the context you're talking about. You need to work with implied intent, like she is with going out of her way to be around you, if it is something she's doing on purpose a few times. You'll have to be careful if you're in a workplace like it sounds, don't take it too fast, and always leave room for her to gracefully disengage. I've never been brave enough to risk my work for a potential connection, but that part is up to you.
First, be yourself. I know that one gets thrown around, but it's incredibly important that you don't suddenly start acting like someone you're not, or do stuff you otherwise wouldn't. If they're flirting with you, they must like you being yourself already, and if they don't like you being yourself, it wasn't worth pursuing anyway.
Obviously, as you don't know if they're into you, you don't want to come on too strong. In general being playful is the key, slowly becoming more comfortable with them as time goes on. Keep it fun, easy, at least initially. Light teasing, jokes, a bit of eye contact. Whatever is most comfortable for you.
In general, I would make sure they know you appreciate that they're around, especially if they're putting themself out there to you like you suspect. Smile at them when they turn up. Go out of your way to initiate conversation and hang out with them in turn. Comments/compliments on they way they go out of their way to spend time with you, stuff like saying it's good to see them when they turn up. Veil it as jokes, or just be upfront with it. Be a bit warmer with how you talk to them, maybe a small gift. You want the subtext to be that you've noticed they put the effort in, you appreciate it, are into it, and willing to reciprocate. This is also key because this signals to them that you've taken their intentions as flirting, and if they weren't going for that, they have the opportunity of de-escalating.
Keep compliments generally about stuff they have control over, stuff they've obviously put effort into. Jewellery, hair, clothes, how they act, their competencies. Don't go for stuff like body or attractiveness until way way later, like after a date or two, or they do it to you first.
You can also leave casual touching a bit later, generally after you're actually on a date, things have been going well for a good while, or if they already break the touch barrier. Women get to be a little looser with that, but if you're a dude it's incredibly easy to come off as creepy if they're not 100% into it. Keep in mind there's often a power imbalance, testosterone will likely make you stronger than someone without it, so by default women need to be careful around men. It's important she always feels comfortable around you, coming on too strong can really torpedo things. It should be fine by the sounds of things, but just to be sure you know.
If all is going well, at some point you'll have to turn it from subtext to text. That is, you'll actually have to say to her face that you're enjoying this, and want to spend more time with her. Dating is a different topic, but similar rules apply. Don't leave it too long, but it sounds like it's already going well, so it should be fine.
Take it easy, enjoy yourself. You might mess up, consider it an education for next time. It'll get easier as you go.
Intake feelings nonjudgmentally without inserting your opinion, understanding, or analyzing it so that the other person feels heard.