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cross-posted from: https://mastodon.art/users/NickEast_IndieWriter/statuses/116583839234928477
I'm in this meme and I don't like it π π
I'm in this meme and I don't like it π π
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"The best code is no code" I say to myself before I take the fifth toilet break of my workday
Shitty day?
You could say that.
has no bugs, extremely easy to make, very easy to read
what is there to hate
No maintenance, no comment typos, no regressions, no legal/license drama, no security breaches, no hosting costs, no issues or feature requests...
we had a (creative) writing workshop once where they said "write the worst possible dialogue you can!" with the idea that then we would read them back, and it'd be stuff like "I love you! I'd die for you!" "But you killed for me - that's horrible!" etc and they'd point out it wasn't actually that bad with a few tweaks and a good performance.
I kinda saw that coming so I wrote stuff like,
"Zbijgl, my old fart, my favmamort n n n n number is 183442356742255214676213566873225566333543"
"But my cat food is singing, it goes anganganganganganganganganganga"
and they were forced to concede that yes, it is possible to write truly bad dialogue.
βZbijgl, my old fart, my favmamort n n n n number is 183442356742255214676213566873225566333543β
https://www.workableweb.com/_pages/tips_how_to_write_good.htm
How To Write Good
Lesson 1 - The Grabber
The "grabber" is the initial sentence of a novel or short story designed to jolt the reader out of his complacency and arouse his curiosity, forcing him to press onward. For example:
"It's no good, Alex," she rejoined, "Even if I did love you, my father would never let me marry an alligator."
The reader is immediately bombarded with questions, questions such as "Why won't her father let her marry an alligator?" "How come she doesn't love him?" and "Can she learn to love him in time?" The reader's interest has been "grabbed"!
Wow, thanks for the link, I bookmarked it. When it mentioned it was a satirical article, I was not expecting a masterclass. π
Michael O'Donoghue was a writer and editor -- as well as an author, playwright, radio writer, filmmaker, satirist, scribe, essayist and commentator. He was an editor and writer at the original National Lampoon, and a writer on Saturday Night Live in its early years.
I imagine you haven't dabbled in Korean web novels, or some humour/parody comics.
Your Zbijgl and cat food lines are better than a lot of stuff I read before. Honestly, in the right context, they could work on something from Hitchhiker's Guide to The Shining.
I can almost hear them in an episode of JoJo or Cromartie High School
my favmamort
π Sounds cute.
Edit: today I will call someone my favmarmot to see their reaction.
I was thinking the same. Zbijgl could be a quote from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I know you referred to those two separately, but now they are canonically now a crossover
Not sure if you mean the crossover between Jojo and Cromartie, but I could only think of that conversation in the train, going like the root comment said.
Sorry, I am still bad (and lazy) at Krita.
Better than I am
Vogon poetry
my second worst script so far is probably the one i had to slow down in an attempt to not crash a hospital.
Did your worse one crash the hospital?
no, i was hired because the previous guy did.
my worst one allowed me to do a python import on an excel sheet.
I physically recoiled at this
You can't work in the corporate world without being forced to do unspeakable things with an Excel spreadsheet.
I get flashbacks if I ever see VBA excel syntax in the wild. The horror... the horror
Oh yeah baby, you like that, you want all my formulas, don't you? So many sheets that we'll need an ultrawide to view all of you.
Wdym its the best script. No dependencies, zero maintenance cost, extremely small attack surface.
No error handling, no input validation.....
There aren't any unhandled errors! There aren't any unvalidated inputs!
Don't need input validation if you don't take input!
No code, but 4.2k issues. This is bonkers.
4 commits
Hypocrite.
I think we would flip it around, like:
Oh no, the BEST code ever written is the stuff that's never written.
Well, maybe that's second best only to deleting code. Why stop at zero when your amount written can go negative?
Eh, unless you disqualify the latter because it's actual work making the project or product better. I leave that up to the reader.
Oh, come on. They can't ALL be the worst code I've ever written!
I double dog dare you to teach high school html and say that again
π
My favorite script is the one I wrote to keep my session from timing out due to inactivity. It pressed a null key once every minute.
Nah I'm in this meme and I don't mind. Some validation is nice
Don't like my code? Comments are there, you do better.
Well, you can comment the shit out of your code, but if you use regex, you either can read it without any comment or you even can't with one.
hell yeah brother
Eh, as long as it works and is readable enough