Women only trans inclusive This is an inclusive community for all things women. Whether you're here for make up tips, feminism or just friendly chit chat, we've got you covered.
Rules…
some of these things are getting out of hand for sure. one wedding I was invited to also involved a "couple's shower" a few weeks prior. this being the first time I'd heard of such a thing, I asked someone else involved what the hell a couple's shower is. they told me, it's a party where the friends and family of a couple get together with food and gifts to celebrate the upcoming marriage. I asked, isn't that called a wedding?
I imagine it's a replacement for a bachelor/bachelorette party.
I had that and a wedding, but no gifts were expected at either. The reason we did that is because a traditional wedding tends to be very planned and formal with not enough time to just hang out. We wanted the traditional wedding pictures and ceremony, but we had family and friends coming in from around the world just for a few days so we had a few events to see people as much as possible. I think it was well received, but again, no gifts were expected. We didn't post a registry and told people that we just wanted them to make it.
Maybe it's for people who want to celebrate their marriage with their closest friends and family but feel obligated to do the big, traditional wedding, so they do both.
I get it. I would only want maybe a dozen people at my wedding, so I just didn't have one.
At least for a wedding, hypothetically the cost of your gift is often around the cost of your attendance. Like you're basically paying to attend an expensive party with an open bar and a (hopefully) great meal.
But yeah, attending the Bachelorette and shower and wedding, some have a lingerie party.. it's a lot. A lot of our friends wanted out of town trips and multiple day events for their bachelor/ Bachelorette. It was nuts. We had a shared bachelor/ Bachelorette and it was basically a bar crawl. Our buddy expected everyone to pay for a week in New Orleans with plane tickets, hotels, daily big meals. Then a destination wedding in Vegas. We are not a wealthy friend group.
That whole thing is crazy to me, there were 6 people at my wedding and it was fantastic - luxurious, intimate, and loads of fun. And it cost hardly anything, lol
All these bachelorettes, showers, giant weddings and whatnot are performative bullshit pushed by a very cynical industry with some really great (in the sense of skilled) marketeers with the morals of alley cats.
I will attend a wedding of someone close. I refuse to attend bachelorettes, showers, or weddings of vague acquaintances who only invite me to pump up their numbers for bragging rights in bourgeois circles. If they want to pump up their numbers, let them hire actors and do something good for starving artists at least.
If one of my single friends decided to throw a “still single” party, invite everyone they’re close to, and rent a big hall with an open bar, I wouldn’t begrudge them their own gift registry and would show up with something great. In fact, I’d love this, I’m old enough most of my group has had those big life events already and we need new reasons to celebrate.
So.... You give to receive?
She's not just talking about financial expense, but emotional expense. We generally give friendship to receive friendship. A relationship where one person does all the giving and the other only takes, is considered toxic.
If she only gives but never gets, she just have the wrong friends. Presents and emotional responces still work two ways for they are not limited to baby and engagement events. Nor does the relationship status of any person involved matter in any way.
she just have the wrong friends
This is such a weird response to me. Like people are naturally either good friends or bad ones, instead of flawed humans who tend to be focused on our own loves and experiences. All the OP is doing is reminding people to think outside of their own experiences to improve their relationships. Its not a personal attack, I wish everyone would unruffle their feathers.
This is such a weird response to me.
It's the kind of response you get from men babbling in a group whose very first rule is, in fact:
I mean that literally. As soon as I saw his response, I had him pegged as not being a woman and it was trivial to find the evidence thereafter.
Keep it in context.
If she only gives but never gets, she just have the wrong friends.
Friendship is a two way street. You give, you get. (Giving and getting unspecified, what to give and get ... that's something different for everyone)
I had to go back to your original comment.
So.... You give to receive?
And the answer that you just gave (and that I agree with) is . . . yes. We give friendship to get friendship. And yes, that looks different to different people. That is exactly what the OP is saying. If friend A has celebrated friend B's wedding and babies and anniversaries, etc, but friend B hasn't celebrated whatever milestones are important to friend A, it doesn't necessarily mean friend B is a bad person or bad friend. It may just be that they hadn't thought about celebrations outside of a very particular, traditional mindset.
On seeing this post, we can all ask ourselves, am I celebrating my friends in a way that is meaningful to them? Are they meeting my own emotional needs, or do I need to communicate more clearly to them? Have I even given thought to what my expectations or desires from my friends are?
I guess the disconnect is that I see posts like this as an opportunity for self-reflection and improvement. I still can't tell from any of your comments what you find disagreeable about it.
I don't understand your reply. What did I remove from context? The context was the post telling people to remember that our friends may have different life experiences than us and we should be sensitive to their emotional needs and celebrate them for their successes, even if they are on a different life track than us. We all get busy and tend toward self-focus, it's good to have these kind of reminders.
True, they shouldn't, but that's not the reality for a lot of people.
I buy myself gifts of equal or greater value whether I attend an event like this.