What army does Columbo play?
this post was submitted on 29 May 2026
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grimdank
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Anything. He'd just show up randomly at you local game store to play a test game with the store demo army. His wife told him about this curious board game and it sounded fun.
He'll get almost completely wiped of course, but then, with the last units, somehow manage to smurf out a win with "oh, one last thing"
This is exactly right - but whatever trick he used to win would also be a little hint that he'd figured out how you did it.
He probably played Inquisitor more than the game itself. But probably Bretonnians in Fantasy and Guard in 40K, though he has a Dark Eldar warband ready just to throw people.
This has me wondering if there is a separate RPG table top set in the 40k universe. All I know of is the war strategy game with the minis; but I love Owlcat's Rogue Trader (which is more of a D&D type RPG but you're one of those royalty merchant guys with a ship and an army at your disposal) and was thinking he'd probably be like the investigators in that. Which essentially amount to that copypasta of the libertarian police officer.
There are many games set in the 40K universe. Fantasy Flight produced the following:
- Dark Heresy (with a 2e) - basically, Inquisitor but as a TTRPG. You play as members of an Inquisitor's retinue. You fight chaos mostly.
- Rogue Trader - You're a Rogue Trader, and a tier up from the people in Dark Heresy.
- Deathwatch - You play as Space Marines who are members of the Deathwatch. You mostly fight xenos, as is appropriate for the Deathwatch.
- Only War - You're in an Imperial Guard Regiment. Good luck.
- Black Crusade - You're a Chaos cultist. Good luck?
These are now discontinued, but they can be acquired.
There's also Cubicle 7's Wrath and Glory, which is the current game. I think it's trying to cover every Imperial faction at once.
“So let me get this right, because I’m trying to understand, …there are no good guys?”