I've found that the jealousy makes it that much sweeter when you do get there. It enhances the experience. As long as you're able to keep it from being toxic for you.
this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2026
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Credit card debt or rich parents
If we're heeding instagram photos, we're too far gone to be helped, until we rise to some baseline of sense. Nothing else can work until we can at least provide that.
As I say, 99 failures and 1 success is 1 success to others. Some things take 9999 tries and some take one. But from the outside 999 failures and 1 win is 1 win.
People who don't have enough money can't afford to take any risks. Risks are only for the rich, and after 9999 failures, effectively ruining other people's lives, they claim how successful they are when they finally wisen up and just steal a poor woman or man's brilliant idea.
100 failures + temporarily borrowing someone else's success also looks like 1 success from the outside.
Delete Instagram and be happy
I did but i feel less connected to everyone now. Still net positive I think
Happy cake day!
Instagram exists to make you feel like that.
I would genuinely uninstall it if it ever has you wondering these things. People's number 1 criteria for whether they should post something to instagram is "will it make people think i'm hitting a milestone in my life??"
You make a good point when you say nobody posts their bad days. I suppose, counter-intuitive though it may seem, that people who post more bragposts are actually having a harder time, hence why they need to bragpost more often.
Many people go into debt to keep up the appearance of success.
Some days I open Instagram
That's the problem.
It's literally in your hands to solve your problem. Don't compare yourself to others and delete social media. It is that easy.
Stop comparing yourself to the ideals that others are presenting as norms.
The whole point of those platforms is to sell yourself as being better then others so the platform can then place ads that make you think those products will help you reach the same place you just saw.
Trying to work on it ..
You can start by deleting the app.
Just do it, postponing it won't make it easier. I did it and find myself not spending as much time on stuff that didn't even really matter. Got most of my family on signal to get off of WhatsApp and now I'm Meta free, until they buy signal or something at least lol.
I deleted all that shite.
It's nice not subconsciously comparing myself to people I don't know anymore.
I got the the point where I just didn't give a fuck about people's holidays, offspring, cocktails at some pijo bar etc.
This song always makes me feel better
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI
Promise it's not a rickroll.
I know this had been said, but, none of it is real. As you said its the highlight reel. I am drowning, but, everyday I wake up I count 10 things I'm grateful for. Comparison is the theft of joy.
Comparison of the theft of joy.
I’ve never heard it stated that way before but I believe it to be true.
I'm only just now feeling like my life is on track and I'm almost 30.
Meanwhile my partners friends both have a nice house, great jobs, and just had a baby. Everyone's path is different man.
My advice is just do your best and enjoy the ride. Count all the good things in your life. Take a minute, put down your phone and just be with your thoughts.
First off, you're on Insta or Facebook, most people are only on there to brag or beg. It's toxic, get off of there.
Second, life sucks. You could have been dealt a crap hand in life and have to work harder than those you associate with. Maybe you made some bad choices and you need to work your way out of that. No way for me to know.
Life is about compromise and you don't know what they gave up or the life lottery they won to get to where they are.
The point is, it's all a mask. As corny as it may sound, you need to determine what goals you need to set, figure out what you need to do to obtain those goals, and you be the winner of your story, not they be the winner of yours.
Very few people post depressing stuff on Instagram.
For me, I do not have a use for social media. I don't use Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat. They're all owned by big corporations who are known to spy on their users (+ they are actively developing consumer spy glasses which is kind of creepy), and I don't feel a need to post my life on social media. Maybe you have a business or something and need that promotion, but most people probably don't need it. I use a mix of Matrix, which is awesome, secure, decentralised, all that, and unfortunately WeChat, since I have some friends and family who live in mainland China, where WeChat is the most convenient option.
Although there are a lot of things that are not great about WeChat (Tencent having an effective monopoly in the Chinese market, they are likely snooping on messages, etc.) I do have to say their "Moments" idea is brilliant. It lets you post up to 9 images with a caption per post, and by default it's only shown to your contacts, which is really cool! Maybe that's something to do with restrictive Chinese regulations on the Internet, I dunno, but it's kind of cool to see a curated set of images in a little feed of just people I actually know.
Right now, I have Matrix for connecting with the world, and WeChat for connecting with parts of my family as well as some of my friends that reside in mainland China. It isn't the best, but it's what works for me. Meta, Snapchat, etc. do not fit into that setup for me.
They don't post the bad stuff.
Personally we're about to be homeless in like 2 months, we have a job but it doesn't pay enough to get a room for rent (not even an apartment. just a room in somebody's house.) and a car at the same time (and I'm kind of leaning towards the car because if we get sick and lose some income and can't make rent it would be... a problem, and a car would be more affordable / easier to cut back on).
But nobody's gonna post that kind of stuff on Instagram.
-- Frost
Teeeechnically that's envy, not jealousy. But only technically, the definition of jealousy has drifted over the centuries. Really it's more of a fun fact about the original meaning of those words than a real correction.
For perspective, me at 22. Kicked out of the military, recently divorced, and living on a couch in my parents basement.
By any measure, I was WAY behind anyone else I knew.
Now, at 50, I have a job I truly love, a nice apartment with just me and the cat. Have a couple motorcycles, game consoles, and my time is my own.
I'm not rich, but I make more than I spend in a given month, have enough savings that I'm not living paycheck to paycheck, and an emergency expense won't ruin me.
It took a long time to figure out what happiness looked like for me, and to stop judging my life by those around me.
Sure, my siblings are more "successful", but I can't say they seem happier than I am.
I don't use any social media aside from Lemmy, I don't follow anyone, and experience people the old fashioned way, in person or through phone calls.
Look around your life and see the things you do have. Not to post, just for you to recognize.
Think about what it is that makes you happy, both day to day, and in say a five year plan. Make a goal, make it achievable, and then do it. Just for you.
Go see a live show, buy yourself a present, take a short trip to see a place you've never been, invest in a new hobby, take up a musical instrument.
And for fuck sake stay away from AI chats and social media!
You are still alive. You have a smartphone and a data plan. You are clearly educated. You are healthy enough to think and type.
So realistically, I'd say that puts you miles ahead of most humans of the past and the present.
Don't forget that some people are handed everything. They are winning on the coat tails of their parents or whomever.
I genuinely feel like...
That's because you have decided to feel like that.
(Yes, I am implying that you can decide the other way now, but I did not say that this would be an easy thing)
I mean, I think you more or less have it figured out, as you outlined in your post. Now you just need to do the work - whenever you feel the feeling of "I'm falling behind, its a disaster!" or "They have a new car and I don't and I want it, its not fair!", just take a moment (personally, I count 5 natural breaths as a convenient timer) to notice how the feeling actually feels. The physical sensations, the kinds of thoughts it brings up, the other emotions it brings up - be interested and curious about the feeling itself. The longer you can sit with the feeling like this - just feeling, noticing, being interested and curious - the more likely it is to feel heard and take its leave. And as you complete this practice over and over, the feeling is more likely to feel its mission is complete, and not come around to worry you.
This actually makes a lot of sense, thank you for laying it out. Could you break down how you actually do the 5-breath practice in the moment? Like, do you close your eyes, keep doing whatever you were doing, or fully pause? And when you say "notice the physical sensations," are you talking about things like a tight chest or racing thoughts, or is it more subtle than that? Want to actually try this properly instead of doing a half version of it....
I find closing my eyes is helpful for focusing on the sensations, but if this would be weird or dangerous (eg, in the middle of a conversation or while driving), I will do my best without closing my eyes. Same with stopping what I am doing, etc. I feel like this technique has the greatest immediate effect when I can stop whatever I'm doing, sit down, and focus on the feeling entirely for an indefinite period of time. But I think the most important thing for long term progress is simply noticing the feeling in the moment and allowing yourself to feel it, even if just a little, for just a fraction of a second.
So to do it properly, I suggest not trying to do it properly. Just do it, but do it as consistently as possible.Then if you feel the urge, carve out 5 minutes per day or a couple times per day to specifically remember the feeling, and feel it uninterrupted.
A ton of Instagram content is designed to amp up your insecurities and then sell you some course or whatever… lots of goofy activities going on like influencers banding together to rent massive houses and nice cars as the backdrop for some video about how they’re gajillionaires at 20 and you can be too if you just buy their course 🙄. And as you said for the real people on there who aren’t influencers there is a bias towards generally wanting to post the things that put themselves in the best light.
I only use Instagram these days when an old pal sends me a reel, the influencer to friend ratio is too high nowadays for my taste
why are you doing this?
