this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2026
376 points (99.0% liked)

The Onion and other satire w/ layers

2633 readers
90 users here now

For posting satire from The Onion and other similar sources.

redundancy, but not for its own sake


Human crafted content only please! If reporting a violation or suspicious content please provide evidence in the report or a direct message. Thank you.


Be nice. All instance rules apply.


Rules:

  • Be respectful. Everyone should feel welcome here.
  • No bigotry - including racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, or xenophobia.
  • No Ads / Spamming.
  • No pornography.

Règles :

  • Soyez respectueux. Tout le monde doit se sentir le bienvenu ici.
  • Pas de bigoterie - y compris le racisme, le sexisme, le capacitisme, l’homophobie, la transphobie ou la xénophobie.
  • Pas de publicités / Pas de spam.
  • Pas de pornographie.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 18 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] achsonaja@lemmy.world 56 points 1 week ago (3 children)
[–] huppakee@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago

Just in: fifa doubles the double points for the US. O ehm, and -1 if you play against the US. Also red cards for everybody who's not the US. Also free Fifa World Peace Price if you are president of the US. Go USA!

[–] albbi@piefed.ca 10 points 1 week ago

rofl. lmao even.

[–] adj16@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago
[–] BillyClark@piefed.social 31 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

What World Cup soccer really needs is to be more like quidditch from Harry Potter. In quidditch, they have a golden snitch, and catching it ends the game and immediately awards that team the equivalent of 15 goals.

Only, instead of a golden snitch, they have FIFA president Gianni Infantino, and instead of catching him, they just have the country leaders of the respective teams try to call Infantino on the phone. And whoever he decides to answer, their team gets 15 goals and the game instantly ends.

Just like in Harry Potter, quidditch was made to make Harry Potter the only important person, this new rule would make Donald Trump and Gianni Infantino the only important people in soccer.

[–] frank@sopuli.xyz 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Man, Quidditch is such a garbage theoretical game lol

[–] BillyClark@piefed.social 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I remember from the first time I read about the golden snitch in the books, I was like, "Oh, fuck off."

The worst part is that the game is a legitimate game if you just take the snitch out and add time periods. It's flying soccer where there are additional magic balls trying to knock the shit out of everybody.

That means that Rowling knew what she was doing. She created a real game, and then ruined it on purpose.

[–] IAMgROOT@lemmy.wtf 4 points 1 week ago

to be honest the snitch was required or the entire sport would be filled with gymbros like american football is

[–] IAMgROOT@lemmy.wtf 1 points 1 week ago

We need two foals that will absolutely RAM into everyone and four foal controllers with hay and a makeshift saddle on each team

and the snitch can be a jumping spider

the seeker was created so the sport wasnt actually just dominated by beefcakes and gymbros but had actual strategy

[–] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

We need the equivalent of a three point line added to soccer.

[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 weeks ago

Make it so if the goalie scores, it's worth 5 points.

[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

They had that in one of the professional indoor soccer leagues in the late 80s/early 90s. I believe it was the CISL (Continental Indoor Soccer League). I didn't like it at all.

[–] 0_o7@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago

"US team and fans get to bring guns to the game."

Yeehaw!!