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So I'm at a mandatory holiday luncheon
(lemmy.world)
Just leave.
"Oh yeah, I'll be back in a bit. Just realized I forgot something in my car..." They'll probably not even miss you. Just go home. I would. If anyone asks, you weren't feeling well. It's true.
I'm not sure autistic people realize that's an option. My daughter's autistic and I don't think it would ever occur to her than she can simply bail without explanation.
Some do some don't.
Right, that's something that needs to be learned, which is why I'm helping by telling them that.
I have done this so many many times. Just casually end up where there is no one really to pay attention to you or go to the bathroom. Once you you see that there's no one looking at you to see you leave, escape. Listen to your favorite songs on the way home and get excited for what you're going to use your unexpected free time on.
Go to the bathroom and “get lost.” You’re in a strange place. It’s plausible. Slip out a side door and leave.
They mean well, but these things can be such bullshit. These days, I just thank them for the invitation and send my regrets. If they want to make an issue of it, they can be my guest. The fact is, they need my autism (to show diversity and disability in the workforce) as much as I need their job, so neither of us is going to make a fuss.
Allowing you to say a flat "no" without giving you at least mild shit for it later requires competent and strong leadership, so unless you know that's the case, some other tool will be easier. There are socially acceptable "lies" for this situation, where it's kinda clear you just don't really want to, but you've given lip service to their gesture.
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"I'll be right there, just need to take a phonecall."
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Play along until you are leaving the building, then go "oh shit I forgot my phone/medicine" then "forget" to come after.
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"Oof, I might have some stomach issues coming on, give me a few minutes to see it if is anything serious - I'll catch up."
Story time! These are all thoughts I formed after spectacularly failing at a similar scenario: There was supposed to be a social lunch in the office which is usually just some sandwiches and Powerpoints about positivity in the sofa lounge.
This time they surprise invited everyone in the office downstairs and funneled us into a huge lecture room, think cinema theater. They gave us all popcorn, and the head of marketing went on stage to declare they were going to show us some of the cool promotional videos they made recently! And they would be filming us for reactions to use in other promo material!
I panicked. I was seated in the middle of the middle.
Tried to keep calm, but eventually I just blurted out loud "I really hate this". Then a pause. Then looked at my phone going "my daughter is calling me", got up grabbed an extra bucket of popcorn and left. Then sent a complaint at the Office Manager for letting them surprise us like that.
In the end, nobody cared. I was known as a kind and competent weirdo, and far from the only one in the office like that, so it was just ignored. But I felt I could have handled it better, haha.
Great suggestions, and I’d say you handled the surprise very well. I personally loathe surprises of any kind. No one tries it more than once. That once, they usually get off with “I’m not playing along, and don’t ever do this to me again.”
Usually.
Leave. If your boss/manager/whatever starts to make a fuss, “I noticed you weren’t at the lunch”, lie and make a fuss right back, “I was in the bathroom chundering my guts out for two hours. Did anyone notice that?” and take the next day off sick with an unspecified illness. Your boss/manager/whatever will be so embarrassed, and unconcerned for your welfare, that there will be no repercussions.
Oof, this hurts hugely, I'm so sorry that you are in this situation :(
This is a nightmare. I'm sorry.
I feel you. Our team potluck (Small team of people I am comfortable with) was canceled. Instead we have to go to the corporate office and have a pizza party with a bunch of people I don't know.
Are they paying you overtime? No? Leave.
the title made me think this was a steamed hams shitpost until I looked at the community
At this time of day?!
this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
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Autism
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