KaRunChiy

She posted this photo of a cute mushroom girl and I was like "Fuck yeah I'm drawing that" and then drew it and she liked it

Retry at drawing the girl from a few days ago, but this time with better face hopefully. Her favorite drink is Malort and her favorite food is Surstromming. I swear to god that would be a BJ from hell, not including lacerations and pain.

Wow the weather is beautiful outside

I don't know, had a mental break drawing this one... I can feel my hands cracking and my mind slip away, one thought invades my senses as I claw my way back into reality. That echoing voice in my head said upon me as I gazed into the void...

"Bazinga"

and then I snap back in a cold sweat

track by Los Angeles Power Disco

Did it, I DID IT, YOU CANNOT STOP ME GOD! I MADE THIS ART WITH THE INTENTION TO CIRCUMVENT YOUR IRON GRIP ON MY SOUL.

Btw used krita, good program :>

So It's been probably 5 years since I've had anything resembling a friend group, or really anything like a friend; and recently I've been wanting to get out there again but I've stumbled across a couple roadblocks.

I can't do IRL because my town has 1000 people in it and most of them are hardcore conservatives and I don't own a car (fuck american infrastructure)

I am struggling to find an online group because I am extremely uncomfortable around men due to a lot of childhood stuff, and a majority of the public spaces are either mixed Adult / Teen or Adult only with absolutely zero tolerance for NSFW (I'm a hentai artist, unfortunately, I love my hobby too much lol).

I feel like a lot of it are personal hurdles I need to overcome too - like I'm very embarrased at how deep my voice is, I haven't had very many positive social encounters when I'm being myself and not putting up a façade etc.

But I have been working on myself recently and I think I'm getting there, but by trying to be too safe I can't really find the community I need. But I know for a fact that if I venture out too far I'll just end up getting hurt again, and my sensitive ass is pretty sensitive so y'know that's a shit deal.

What I want to know is: how did you find your group, and is it really worth it to put myself out there right now?

A bit of an ask I'm throwing out there before I go to bed, but I need some advice so...

I've always had low levels of neurotransmitters, basically, when I'm unmedicated, I go into states of moderately decreased mental activity that used to express itself as depression. Since I've gotten a better understanding on it I have noticed when it's (A) Going to happen and (B) How much it is crippling my ability to function properly.

Essentially I become a barely functional brick, just kinda sit there and stare off for long periods, and at work I make a ton more mistakes and just generally perform worse, and I also can't work on my hobbies as my art is noticeably worse and the motivation isn't there. It's like depression just without the emotional component. And the worst part is knowing what's going on, but it takes almost 5 minutes longer to get the answers correct when it would usually hit me instantly.

Because america is america and I am unfortunately amer ican, my access to medication has been cut off for quite some time now. And since the medication I used to take wears off fully after a few years, I've began to notice the full brunt of those depressive episodes again.

Since I have the ability to predict, know I'm in, and understand the disorder, what are some reasonable ways to prop myself up when it hits. My focus is basically 0 when it gets its worse so the best kind of crutch would be something that doesn't require my full attention, but I can understand why such a thing might not exist, I just need something to do that isn't just sitting blankly with all my motivation getting sucked out when I want and need it the most, or something that can help me sharpen my mind when it's the most blunt.

I use the most recent LMMS git version for my music + a ton of extensions, feedback would be nice

Or health, in a sense. Recently I've been seriously overworking myself, but the only signs that I can notice early on are mental. Such as being unable to stay on a task or project for more than 10 minutes at a time max, or forgetting how to talk properly and slurring my speech.

And to put in perspective how exhausted my actual body is, I've been just straight up collapsing, barely able to walk straight, shaky noodle legs and the such. But I don't notice any actual physical problem until I literally fall over, and then I'm like "Oh, I should sleep or stop and relax" or something.

Is this a thing anyone else experiences? I was diagnosed with the AuDD combo a while back but I've been unmedicated, since being poor in America and all that.