Sounds like you are doing good by Moobeans and your plants. That's enough. It really is. Big hugs.
I miss my mum. She's been dead a few years now, and was elderly and in poor health. And I am a grown up. But sometimes I just want to be able to lay down next to her again and feel safe. I really miss her.
I will be ok. Just needed to tell someone. And if I tell anyone here in my real world they will want to make it better or something and it can't be. It just is.
A little thing. I had a rest day today. Read my book. Watched some old tv. Felt sad but managed to get myself out for a walk. I am so terrified of slipping back into depression I struggle to rest. But I stopped and looked at my to-do list I made for the weekend and I did it all. And I rested.
Just wanted to write that down so I remember it's ok
Took myself out to dinner and met a charming fella
::: spoiler
:::
someone ate a whole packet of mint slices while working away at their desk...
Title
Me. It was me. I regret nothing
It's been a shitful couple of days but the sun is streaming in the windows, and I am about to have a glass of wine and some pasta with fresh tomato onion and a truckload of cheese and right now it's ok.
I appreciate the optimism that comes with the first warm days
I am having a sort of low grade but continuous panic attack. I have a big conference coming up and I don't feel grown up enough to network (even though it's my job) and I have so much to do. Everything feels like a mess and I can't seem to get enough focus to make any inroads on anything. I am scared of failing. I think I like things better when they are a struggle and I have nothing to lose. For once things are going well and I am so scared of stuffing it up.
Stupid brain
The need to clean and hang out clothes is strong but so is the need to nap. Think I will do the clothes then let myself have a lil snooze. Life has been so hectic lately I just keep crashing everytime I stop.
So order of the afternoon (I got a walk and some food prep done this morning so that's good)
Hang out clothes Nap / lazy snoozing Clean kitchen and vacuum Suss out the diary for the week. More snoozing.
Yeah. We did good though.
I still want to be Mackenzie Arnold when I grow up
Wow thanks so much for putting these thoughts out there with all the complexity and in open language. I also (yes progressive left here) thought about the other sites and tools I use and made the decision to go with beehaw because of the community. As you say it's a messy colonialism-coloured world in many ways so the best place to start is with community values.
Thanks for your work
You know those days when you think "this is fine" then you realise you have spent 20 mins spiralling about what to wear this afternoon when one of your besties (who has seen you at your best and worst and doesn't care) is dropping in for a casual hello (so you don't even have to go out)...
...and you realise you have been in a low key panic attack over nothing most of the day you just didn't connect ... 😔
Off to have shower and a cuppa and try to reset.