Connecticut (AP) — "I just wanted to test something" were the only words that Hollywood luminary Bill Murray had for reporters on the morning of his arrest in connection to the tragic pickleball incident that nearly cost fellow actor Kevin Bacon his life.

According to his estranged family, the 73-year-old Groundhog Day star had been acting erratically in the months leading up to the attack. "Every time I came to visit he just had this weird Dominion movie playing in the background non-stop," said a relative who wished to remain anonymous.

Murray had recently been spotted attending PETA events, but members say no one in the organization has ever had even a conversation with the reclusive actor. One unimpressed activist stated "I tried making small talk with the guy, but he kept cutting me off going 'huh? huh? huh?' and yawning really loudly."

Mr. Bacon remains in critical condition, and while his injuries are yet to be disclosed, a source within the hospital staff reported that they were shocked that someone could inflict so much damage with a pickleball paddle.

ACCESS HOLLYWOOD - During an interview with the renowned Darth Vader actor regarding his role as a consultant of Disney's upcoming Mufasa, the film crew on set became abuzz as Mr. Jones' pockets began ringing profusely. "What on Earth are you talking about?" uttered in the smooth rumbling voice of the flabbergasted Academy Award-winning actor. After consoling his loved ones over the phone, James returned to the interview and simply exclaimed "Nobody checks for fake news these days!"

It's Goon O'Clock Somewhere

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