For what it's worth, I ended up choosing the obsidian sync service. While it goes against my "self host everything" mantra, I do also want to support software makers who make great products that respect peoples privacy. As such, I decided the $8/m investment was warranted.
My son in highschool uses Obsidian for all his school note taking, so he actually is able to use the same sync subscription.. As each vault has separate keys, there's no privacy issues between us...
My favourite part of this solution is it supports live update from multiple devices at once, so I have the vault open on phone, tablet, home laptop and work laptop simultaneously, and it just works...
Just thought it was worth sharing.
Oh, I totally get it.... I've been in the same place many times (and I'm sure I will be again...)
I just have a policy of trying to support these things whenever I'm able to, otherwise I feel I'm not able to grumble when privacy respecting apps disappear from existence through lack of financial support...