is it too much to ask to want others to validate/affirm you? (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Alunyanners@lemmygrad.ml to c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net

9 comments fedilink hide all child comments

don't fucking lecture me by saying that i "don't need others to validate me since i'm already a woman" or that "i don't ACTUALLY need others to validate/affirm me, i can do it myself".

like yes i can do that but it fucking hits different when someone else says that. especially if it's someone close to you.

but apparently it's too hard for some people to tell a trans woman in need that they'll "always be a woman". even if you explicitly fucking request that. even if that someone is your partner who also happens to be a trans woman.

apparently according to her i don't need anyone else "to tell me that" because "i'm already a woman"

i hate this constant dismissal of what i need. just tell me what i want and i'll get out of your fucking way.

makes me wonder what's the point of having friends/partners even is when you can't even depend on rely on others and ALWAYS GOTTA FUCKING DO EVERYTHING YOURSELF to get what you want

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[-] imogen_underscore@hexbear.net 10 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

no, it's not too much and it sounds like your partner acted carelessly, and that's putting it generously. it's verging on a toxic individualism. i would try to make it clear to her what she did and how it made you feel (dismissed, frustrated etc.) you may have done that already but just a warning, failure to communicate this now could make it a bigger issue down the line - building resentment, etc. especially if this is a pattern of behavior which it sounds like it might be, you gotta make that clear to her and underline that it's a problem.

above all I'm sorry you were treated that way. your feelings of dismissal and frustration are completely valid. and it should ALWAYS be ok to ask a partner for validation even for little things. it's a total bare minimum expectation in my view.

this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2024

70 points (100.0% liked)

traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

992 readers

245 users here now

Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.

Please follow the Hexbear Code of Conduct
Selfies are not permitted for the personal safety of users.
No personal identifying information may be posted or commented.
Stay on topic (trans/gender stuff).
Bring a trans friend!
Any image post that gets 200 upvotes with "banner" or "rule 6" in the title becomes the new banner.
Posts about dysphoria/trauma/transphobia should be NSFW tagged for community health purposes.
When made outside of NSFW tagged posts, comments about dysphoria/traumatic/transphobic material should be spoiler tagged.
Arguing in favor of transmedicalism is unacceptable. This is an inclusive and intersectional community.
While this is mostly a meme community, we allow most trans related posts as we grow the trans community on the fediverse.