I don't pretend to understand what it's like to live the life of a total fucking ghoul. That being said, I'm sure she thought she tried - to answer the first question. But to answer the second question - the outcome is probably the same regardless of her internal calculations and reasoning. If this is her being herself in earnest, she learned the hard way everyone fucking hates everything about her. Or, she's in on her own gift, sold her soul in the name of being a winner, and still ate shit.

Sort of doesn't matter, either way. She hopefully feels like shit. Because she should.