I wouldn't really know since I've only ever had "traditional" relationships, but I'm pretty sure they still exist. Most of the people I know (which is now mid twenties at the youngest up to near 40) are in romantic relationships or want to be, it's not just hook-ups out there. Like, don't get me wrong, thinking about how to find a way to get into a romantic relationship again makes me want to CW, but that's partly because it was already really difficult for someone like me and it's getting more difficult as I get older . . .

I think you've misunderstood me. When I say "traditional" I mean like, this fairytail of many weeks/months of dating before sexy time. It just isn't how it actually works in the real world anymore. People are making out and rubbing bits together within the first few days/week or they're moving on.

The intimacy and romance is built alongside the physicality. If it exists.

There's an unwritten rule about not being too clingy during that time, and if the two people fall for each other then they do, but also you have to not be too clingy too quickly or else it becomes massively unattractive. This is a major hurdle for incels because of course they're massively insecure and that same insecurity causes them to massively overthink everything and become far too emotionally attached too quickly to the point that it makes the other person uncomfortable how they're being.

Incidentally, one of the veins of discourse in the incel community is basically doing conversion therapy to become gay because they believe that it's way easier on average for a dude to get laid if he's gay. I've never seen someone report that the converted themselves, though.

I don't think it's easier to get laid if you're gay. I think it's easier to get laid if you're into kink and that community happens to almost entirely crossover with kink due to comfort with exploration.

Not to keep playing reverse "Spot the Contradiction," but you need to remember that these are people who generally have never had a girlfriend. Period. They might get a first date or two and then get ghosted. In the context of a first date, do you think that for a het woman, a man more interested in emotionality than sex is somehow a red flag?

No.

Like yeah, if he's trauma dumping to you while you're at the diner and you don't even really know him, that's probably not gonna fly

This is practically all of them. They will all tell you just how much life has it out for them with practically no prompting, and it's deeply offputting to most people.

but if anything I would think emotionality that is somewhat in check and deprioritizing sex would be considered substantial positives for these guys as candidates

It would be, if they could get their incredible insecurity in check or at least successfully hide it for long enough for someone to see the real person they are.

However, one of the problems with insecurity is that it controls you in a way that causes you to act differently. It holds you back, it makes you not say things, or say things you shouldn't, it causes acting out, etc etc. If you can remove insecurity from the situation you end up with a completely different person, one that is attractive assuming they don't say some women-hating bullshit.