memes

Onion: Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

“Our assessments indicate love is stronger than any technology possessed by the U.S. military,” said Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin, pledging to work with Japan, South Korea, Australia, and other regional partners to stop China from harnessing the invincible cosmic force that always emerges victorious. “Intelligence estimates suggest the program is in its final stages, so we must act quickly or love will overwhelm us and we will feel compelled to surrender to it.”

“If China succeeds, it will have the power to remake the global order by spreading universal love and understanding to every corner of the world,” Austin added.