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Update on my trans friend who planned on joining Ukraine as a combat medic. Lots of text, but the TLDR is that she's not going to Ukraine.

I was able to talk to her about it today, and a lot was revealed. One of the commenters was spot on, this was suicidal ideation disguised as self sacrifice. I went a bit more critical on her than normal. I normally hold back a little bit because some of the things I said, I don't really feel are my place to say normally. I usually hold back because when she's not on a manic plan, she listens to be a little bit too much. She respects me as being better read and a smarter person when looking at big picture things. Whenever she says stuff like this, I make sure I point out areas that she's smarter than me in. She's really big into theology, so she'll manically switch religions. She's also really big into language, and not mainstream language either, which really impressed me. Doesn't know a lick of Spanish, but knows many indigenous languages. While she is right in her assumption that I am generally better at big picture stuff that sounds conceited, but many of y'all saw the arguments she was making about joining Ukraine, it's very true.

She came to me this morning crying, saying she was thinking about going to a mental institution. I ask why and she tells me that she's very suicidal. I comfort her and tell her I kind of assumed, because the Ukraine mission sounded like a suicide disguised as self sacrifice. She admits that this is probably the case. She is often struggling with suicidal thoughts, and while she deals with a lot of mental illness, I don't think she struggles with clinical depression. I'm not a shrink, but she shares all her thoughts with me, I really think she's depressed due to a mix of being a disabled trans person in America, having incoherent beliefs from not reading theory, and having essentially been groomed to throw her life away in some sort of combat. In my discussion with her today, I tackled all three.

First, being a disabled trans person in America. Under the structure of her religious beliefs in Norse Paganism (more on that later) it says something that amounts to "If you can fight, you should fight." I was very open with her about the fact that I don't know much about Norse Paganism except what she's told me, and what I've seen the alt righters say. I explained to her that this likely meant defending her own people, and as a disabled (schizophrenic) trans woman, she's needed in America now more than ever. Her very existence is radical in a country that's trying to send both schizophrenics and trans people to labor/death camps. Part of her reasoning for wanting to go to Ukraine was to escape America, but if she wants to fight, she should fight for her own people. If she wants to leave America, she shouldn't be leaving to fight in an American proxy war.

Second, incoherent beliefs. She is a Norse Pagan who isn't a Nazi. She rejected all community with Norse Pagans because she understands that they're all Nazis, so she's essentially isolated in her beliefs there. I normally don't go after her religious beliefs, she changes them when she's manic but typically goes for religions that seem to lead to reactionary conclusions. Like you know, fighting for Nazis in Ukraine. I told her she should consider building her own spiritual beliefs, but she has a problem where she just has to be told what to believe. Hence why I typically avoid criticizing her religions, I don't feel like I should determine what religious beliefs she has. I know if I more thoroughly explained mine, she'd probably go with mine. Not because mine are the best and truest, but because she generally follows whatever I say. The first book of theory I gave her to read isn't leftist theory, it's really disability liberation. She feels worthless because she was raised in America, by a bootlicker. She hates herself for being disabled, and I think that's really where she needs to start.