I am M41. I have a son who is 5, almost 6. The little guy is quite sensitive and cries relatively easily:
- He hates having to wash his hands. Mom and I wash our hands right away when we come home from outside, and often after touching dirty things or before meals. He hates it. He often cries when asked to wash his hands, sometimes for 10 minutes or more. Saying "we also do it" does not help. Washing his hands for him does not help. I asked him what are the worst things about washing hands, but he could not elaborate.
- One day recently, when I took him home from daycare (it was around 16 in the afternoon), he asked me to play with him. I said: "I need to empty the dishwasher first; then I will come play with you." He broke down and cried until I finished my housework and came to play with him.
- He wants Mom to put him to sleep every night. If my wife is out and he has to go to sleep with me, he sometimes cries himself to sleep. I have not found anything I can do that helps.
Whenever he cries or is otherwise in the grip of negative emotions, I try to be as supportive as I can without encouraging it. I talk softly to him, hug him if he wants it, stay close to him if he wants it, and go away if he wants that. I try to praise him when he DOES manage to calm himself down, and NOT reward him for throwing tantrums.
When he cries he often asks to watch TV. I try to avoid letting him watch TV to calm down, but once in a while I cave in and give him TV.
All these things have always been problems, but it seems to me that these behaviours have grown worse this last half year. Do you have any advice?
Thanks in advance!
If there were Lemmy gold, this comment would deserve it. This is spot-on. I work with children OP's child's age, all of whom are on the autism spectrum, and everything said here are techniques I use on a daily basis. From encouraging their agency, to providing forced choices (like the advice at the park of choosing either X or Y), to encouraging them to "help" you instead of telling them the thing is something they have to do.
There's not much I can add here, just keep up with the praise when he does something you want him to do. Like with lifting something, sometimes I have a kid who doesn't want to do something like carry their own backpack. They might say, "It's heavy," but when they do carry it I go, "Wow, look at how strong you are!" Or after they carry it and they put it down where it belongs, I say, "Show me those big muscles!" and do the arm-flex thing so they'll imitate me.
Overall, it's a long process. Change won't happen overnight. It requires being aware of what you're saying and how you're phrasing it, which can be difficult to adjust to, but not impossible. Either way, continuing with the steps you're doing and following the advice in the comment above are a solid way to help your child follow through on such tasks.