Day by day I begin to wonder more and more if I can even call myself a communist anymore. Its becoming hard to really reconcile my faith with communism if the ideology itself is theorically opposed to it. Bukharin's book, "ABCs of Communism," has an entire section on Chapter 11 that directly talks about why religion and communism are incompatible. Communists believe history is driven by class struggle and material conditions. Religious people believe in stuff like divine intervention or divine will. A communist would probably look at islam (my faith) and be like "No prophet was sent a message by God and acted upon it, it was their material conditions that made them act." I don't see how one could believe both, it feels like its either or.
Sure, it is perfectly possible for religious people to largely agree with Marxists on such things as historical materialism and present-day class struggles, not to mention struggles for national liberation, against racism, etc. It is possible be anti-capitalist and fight for a classless, moneyless, and stateless society where MOP is colletively owned but at the end of the day, there is philosophical tension.
I feel at best, I can be an ally, but the way I see it, I will never be one of them. I do not belong. My voice does not count equally and my beliefs make me suspect. I have faced hostility from leftists that are atheist and hostile towards religion and been called a revisionist. If this is how me and others are gonna be treated just because of our faith, I'd rather die than simply be used as cannon fodder in a revolution.
Which requires establishing an actual vanguard party and winning a revolution, and none of that is going to happen if participants are required to resolve their cognitive dissonance before there is even a body worth being a member of.
Even at the stage they're at, China is still doing it extremely patiently. What OP describes they're experiencing from others is nothing like that, and I stand by "fuck 'em".
Anyone who thinks that a Marxist movement could take hold in the US while not only ignoring the faith of all the self-identifying Christians in the US but also actively declaring they'll all be fixed is delusional. It's armchair revolutionary chucklefuck thought.