Ask Lemmy

Actually, I was working on something similar. The original 'stable relationship' joke is very compact and for me, kind of unfunny. I decided to adapt it into an Aristocrats format. I wanted to spin this out into a five minute monologue and commit it to memory, someday:

A man has been admitted to the trauma unit after inserting a massive collection of objects into his anus, following an unhinged crime spree of public indecency, raucous violence, and gravely harmful bestiality.

He was apprehended by police at the Churchill Downs after a dispute with a jockey. Apparently he had pinched their riding crop and was whipping himself and shrieking like a mare in heat. He was discharged from custody immediately, as it was apparent he had a life-threatening number of objects inside his body. Later, the partially-eaten body of a horse was found hidden under a pile of shit-covered hay. The opinion of the forensics lab was that the horse was slain in a crime of passion.

On arrival, doctors found the man completely insensitive to all known sedatives, until they tried a near-lethal cocktail of horse tranquilizers and Mongolian fermented horsemilk known as airag, which calmed him enough for imaging to be taken.

The preliminary x-rays showed eight My Little Pony toys and one limited edition plushie of Twilight Sparkle, a hardback copy of Equus and a well-worn paperback of Animal Farm, an unloaded Colt revolver, half a lucky horseshoe, a lasso, a ten gallon hat, a pink Himalayan salt lick, figurines of Mr. Ed, Maximus, and Secretariat, a Lego cowboy set, a half-empty pony keg, two white knight chess pieces and one black one which kept on falling out (because he’s been shitting himself uncontrollably this whole time you see), and the broken staff of a hobby horse, which protruded three feet from him. The head of the hobby horse he was using as a sort of codpiece, whose whereabouts are currently unknown. It was later found on eBay and recovered at great expense.

Prior to the procedure, his condition was reported as 'stable'.

Anyway, it's not quite there yet. There are some parts that feel kind of hat on a hat? I'd appreciate any notes you might have, I'll take any critical feedback; after all, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth.