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most perverted men are actually very vanilla and run away when faced with a perverted woman
(lemmy.world)
this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2026
499 points (92.9% liked)
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Same. 100% same.
A friend thought she was edgy to throw rimming in a "never have I ever" as if it defined kink. Awww.... Sweetie, that's cute.
No shade intended but for my own curiosity what’s like a normal kinky thing or a very kinky thing? Ty
Kink is weird. There are some things that are considered kinky but aren’t super kinky (biting, feet, degradation/praise, ect) that can be done with anyone if the vibe is right. Then there are kinky kinks that are a little less common and require more trust and familiarity to be done safely.
Kinky for me is to be tied down and have hot wax poured over me while I’m blindfolded. Or free use / cnc type stuff, being available 24/7 without word at literally anytime to be used as they please. Or ddlg / age regression with a daddy dom that extends outside of the bedroom.
Idk, I feel like these are still pretty vanilla. At least as far as the people in this thread are saying "I'm soooo kinky".
Of course, this is all the societal hedonic treadmill in kink. All kink becomes vanilla eventually. But at this point I feel like it isn't "real" kink unless it makes me queasy or say "what the fuck?" Like, furries, pet play, shit, piss, vomit, blood, asphyxiation, and sounding are "real" kink to me. Anything that boils down to basically "you're in charge of me" or "you inflict pain on me" is pretty vanilla.
And then I've heard of being set on fire and sensory deprivation, which seems less like a kink and more like a silly experience / party trick
I've never liked CNC sex. Feels more like masturbation with a safety officer. Prefer those kinds of tools be operated manually.
Shibari is normal for me. That's just my jam. Not into impact, blood, not super into choking, but can do it more-or-less safely if that's what my partner enjoys receiving. No shit or piss (technically squirting is mostly pee, but somehow that's okay). I like tying a partner up, blindfolding them, and then alternating between soft/erotic touch and riding crop/paddle/etc. Or tickling, but that's one is a bit risky, since I had a partner that nearly dislocated a shoulder straining at the ropes. Feet are meh, biting is okay, wax seems like a pain to clean up.
Had a partner that really wanted to be 'abducted' and 'raped'; never got around to it before we broke up. It would have been risky in a big city, but still...
Iv seen rape play go about as wrong as it can and now I absolutely fucking hate the idea of any form of power dynamic that can be abused.
To be short, a good friend ended up having a girl convince him to tie her up and "rape" her. She arranged to have a friend show up and call the cops.
Ruined his entirely life. He's still in jail from it. They had dated for a bit over a year and till then I had thought they were a great couple. She just turned out to be a raging fucking cunt who wanted all his shit.
Fucking stole everything from him basically.
Swear to God it feels like the only reason she got away with it is she was white and he was black.
Had a girl pull out a full set of knives for "scraping and light cutting". Never been more scaroused
I'd say three ways are pretty common, but trains and glory holes and the like get pretty kinky imo
Definitely goes much further down the rabbit hole but I've not gone that deep
Fuck I'm using that term from now on. One of my girls loves knife play, and, well so much more.
Normal kinky is whatever you like that's a step or two beyond vanilla missionary stuff. Intentional, deliberate stuff that requires a bit of trust. Or, at least, willingness to try something. Could be rimming or other butt stuff. Could be dressing up or light role play. Dirty talk. Threesomes. Spanking. Things like that. Things that most couples might try one or twice to satisfy curiosity.
Very kinky requires a lot of trust. Bondage. S&M. Knives. Group situations. Hugely demeaning public stunts. Glory holes. It's consensual teamwork toward a deep, psychological goal.
i really don't like "knives" in there
And yet, the people into it are all about it. Don't yuck their yum. And it's more of a scraping and almost-but-not cutting thing. Usually.
I've seen it done in an up close private performance. 100% not for me personally, but seeing it happen, hearing the scraping, seeing the woman go wild for it was amazing. I respect the discipline needed to do it right.
I dislike the notion that some people lay down of "oh that's not kinky, what I do is kinky". It's not a competition, nobody gets points for being at some "level" of the game. A good kink gets you off HARD and you have an awesome time. It doesn't have to be some fucking extreme thing where you have to have a bunch of tattoos, black leather, knives, ropes and all that shit. It can be that stuff, but it can be whatever dials up the fuck-o-meter to 11. Fetlife is full of people who want to gatekeep some shit. Every group has insular douchebags who want to say they are the expert. Fuck right off with all that shit.
100% agree, and we agree on the 27-axis spectrum graph.
Personally, I see it as the only real requirement is trust with a partner. That's also an axis, but without full trust, the less socially acceptable stuff gets out of reach. Doesnt matter what it is, if you trust someone else to do a thing to get you off hard and ping that fuck-o-meter to 11, that's key.
And gatekeepers of kinks are idiots. Telling people how they should enjoy getting off isn't a kink itself, it's asshole behavior.
yeah no yucking, i didn't mean it like "nobody should do it", but like "i really don't like that idea"