memes

I was overpraised when I was young then accused of purposefully sabotaging myself as I got into my teenage years, and people still think that (and worse) into my adulthood. To this day I have a bit of an insecure desire to be the smartest person in the room, I'll run myself into the ground getting to that point too and pretend that I've not.

I never did my homework, never studied, missed class pretty often too because I faked being sick to get away from bullies. got all As and Bs, did great on my standardized tests. I was the coolest shit ever. Got put into Talented And Gifted classes. Got a lot of "proud of yous" from family members.

Got my first C in 7th grade, did worse in 8th grade, pretty much had straight Ds all through high school.

I never had to study, so I never learned how to study. I asked a lot of questions in class when I was younger but when I got into middleschool and highschool teachers were less receptive of me asking a question they just got done explaining. Had a few teachers who berated me for doing poorly, a few who accused me of "just trying to coast through life". This alongside a not super great homelife led to me missing even more school than I had before. I don't really know how I was allowed to graduate tbh. I easily missed 2/5 of the school year every year of highschool.

When I was 18 my whole family kind of did this intervention style thing where with no mincing of words I was told to "pull my head out of my ass" by all the people who I thought had been in my corner and who I thought supported me. Still haven't figured out what exactly people wanted from me. Still bar none the most hurtful experience of my life and that's saying something considering my father tried to shoot me. (one of those situations where a person has set the bar so low its just expected behavior, I'm sure someone here will understand)

Into adulthood I struggle with work too. It doesn't feel like anything changed from highschool it just got worse. It's particularly upsetting. Maybe it isn't conveyed over text very well but typing this up made me cry. It's my life ya know? And I've seen it circle the toilet bowl for a really long time. Do I have a disability? Idk. I'm probably pretty fucking traumatized though considering I felt the need to share all this on a meme post.

TLDR Once a Loser Always A Loser