this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2026
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This would be my sister. She was 17 or so when she met the 40 y/o who she later had a kid with.
Gross
Yep. I’ve been nc for over a decade but I do wonder about how she is doing being his nurse these days.
Gross and sad
I'm guessing there is more than just the age of her partner that made you break off contact to her? Having family that you can fall back on in situations like hers is essential.
You’re right, there is. She has the entire family down there who I am nc with. So I don’t feel bad and I don’t need to.
Good on you to have the good sense to create distance where its healthy. :)
I agree, the weird thing is that this view seems to be changing among leftist people. I live in a very leftist area in a leftist city in a leftist country and the past ~5 years whenever the topic of age difference has come up among people my age (35) or younger it's been increasingly "they're both adults, nothing wrong about it". And I just can't agree, it grosses me out and feels wrong in the deepest parts of my soul. Yeah, they're both adults (when it comes to the youngest being 18+) but that can't be the only thing that decides if it is or feels wrong.
I think our idea of "adult" is wrong. The age that your brain finishes maturing is 25, not 18.
Even then, there are 18 year olds I've met that have the maturity of a 25 year old and 25 year olds that just don't seem to have a frontal lobe. Age is an important heuristic but certainly not the only important factor when you are thinking about emotional maturity and power dynamics in a relationship.
Not saying that this is always the case but it can be substance abuse related. Substances let the brain avoid confronting the "crises" that would otherwise result in psychosocial growth and development. When the person gets sober they have to pick up where they left off meaning if they used for a decade or more they're quite behind.
Someone signing a lifelong legal binding agreement at 18 is pretty wild
Like getting your driver's license and heading on the autobaun first thing
Just because you can doesn't mean you should
18-25, 7 years. That's half their current life and basically all they can remember. Just to the point where you should really think about marriage.
No one should feel obligated to get married. If that person cannot wait 7 years to tie the knot then they aren't ready for the rest of the ~55+ years.
If they are both adults it doesn't matter if we think it's gross. It's not our business.
See that's the problem with age differences.
If I tell you they are 23 years apart, you think "uhh".
If I tell you they are 17 and 40, you think "UHHHHH"
Lets see if it applies to me:
Me and her are 11 years apart.
Me and her are 23 and 34.
Hmm.
Well, yeah, of course that's less bad. You're both older and the difference is less
Ultimately a lot of it comes down to levels of maturity and the places ones are in their lives anyway. A 17 year old definitively can never be mature enough to have a healthy relationship with a 40 year old
Half the bigger age plus 7 for the younger.
40/2 + 7 = 27. 17 is ew
34/2 + 7 = 24. You're just okay, but should feel bad in bed
Yeah look I haven't gotten that far yet. Could I have? Almost certainly.
"She and I"
The easy way to figure it out is to remove the other person from the sentence.
Is it: "Her are (is) 11 years apart" or "She are (is) 11 years apart?"
I bet I can make it even more uncomfortable for you to read.