this post was submitted on 25 Feb 2026
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Why the hell do we call it “coconut water” like it’s some holy, saint-blessed hydration straight from God’s urethra? It’s juice. It comes out of a fucking fruit. If it squirted out of an orange we wouldn’t sit there pretending it’s “orange water.” But no, slap “water” on the label. It’s not magical glacier piss. It’s coconut juice. Stop jerking off the branding like it’s some enlightened nectar for smug wellness cultists.

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[–] quediuspayu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I've never thought about that but I'm going to come up with a reason.

I'll say it is water because it can be just poured from inside the coconut, you just need to poke a hole.

[–] hector@lemmy.today 0 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

"Just poking a hole" is easier said than done, it's a very difficult thing to get through. A cordless drill would do it, or a brace, a hand drill. But good luck with a pocket knife or something in the field trying to get in one. You could smash it and get a fraction of the water as it spills out.

[–] calmblue75@lemmy.ml 1 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

Drills!?

You poke a hole in one of the three 'eyes' of the coconut. That part is not covered by the shell

[–] hector@lemmy.today 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I don't know about that, I didn't see any eyes, I talked to a dude that sold them, climbed up for them, and he had like a little hand drill, he would pop one of those little rum shots in one for extra cost, with a straw in them. I mean I tried to use a steel spike and it didn't work at all.

Where are these eyes you speak of?

[–] calmblue75@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)
[–] hector@lemmy.today 2 points 1 hour ago

Huh, thanks. so you can pierce that with like a big nail or something less than a hand drill?

I only was around coconuts that one time for a few months so I'm no expert, I like most northern guys that go up there, rubbed the skin off my lower legs by climbing the tree bear style to grab some. Then the falling ones to half break on hitting the ground and waste most of the juice, then not being able to well open the others without similarly smashing them and losing most of it.