this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works
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Anon blows his dad's mind (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 5 days ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] xkbx@startrek.website 86 points 5 days ago (4 children)

talk to him about non-nippulous topics, like football, or canned beer (do NOT mention draft)

[–] certified_expert@lemmy.world 57 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Or, say "hey how are your nipples" and when he says "what" you reply "what" too, to play with his mind. Then he will question wether the first nipple conversation even happened

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 41 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (5 children)

I can get behind full-on nipple torturing someone’s dad. Constantly mispronounce words- refer to nickels as nipples as you pay for small items. Talking about your city should involve at least occasionally saying something to the effect of “I’m a big fan of this areola, but that one’s been sucked dry by greedy housing developers.”

Maybe cut the nipples out of your shirts. Definitely cut the nipples out of his shirts. Ask him whether he’s cold, glance down, and then adjust the thermostat without waiting to hear his answer.

Change your lock screen photo to a cropped version of this. Replace your light fixtures with boob lights and ask him to help tighten the nipples. “Just give them a twist, I’m begging you.” Serve him Vietnamese milk melons daily. In fact, every meal or snack has to involve dairy or dairy alternative milks.

Yeah, I think I could get this guy’s dad to cry within 2 days. 3 if he’s vegan.

[–] certified_expert@lemmy.world 16 points 4 days ago

Damn! That's far beyond what I was proposing... this took a dark turn... dark and pointy turn

[–] finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Jesus Christ! Go back to waterboarding people in Gitmo, you don't belong in polite society!

[–] Junkers_Klunker@feddit.dk 5 points 4 days ago

Are you some sort of torture mastermind? Holy fuck 😂 even accounting for potential difficulties.

[–] KairuByte@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

It’s a little nipply outside. What? I said it’s nippy outside.

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Help. What if I already mentioned draft

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

Well now he's going to rant about Vietnam

[–] MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

[–] ironeagl@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago

What was Wenger thinking, sending Walcott on that early?

[–] Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Football balls have nipples though.

It is where you blow them up with.

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 days ago

I've been using dynamite all wrong. It's no wonder I was kicked off the team.