this post was submitted on 22 Mar 2026
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[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 102 points 1 week ago (9 children)

OKAY BUT HOW. I can't even find one damn person, now I'm supposed to find multiple WHO ARE COOL WITH EACH OTHER!?

What kind of lives do you people even lead?

[–] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 58 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Have you ever talked to a polycule? Most drama on earth

[–] eupraxia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I promise plenty avoid the drama. also my god, have you ever talked to a monogamous couple?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Okay, but none of you are addressing the HOW? question. Dating apps suck now, it's so hard to meet people, where are poly people meeting!? It's literally a purely logistical question, to me. How. Where.

[–] JennyLaFae@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 6 days ago

Queer coffee shop that also does DND nights 🤣

[–] eupraxia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 6 days ago

Queer spaces/meetups mostly! Or meeting partners' partners. Grindr gets a bad rap for not entirely undeserved reasons, but I did meet some wonderful people there too.

[–] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Maybe humans just need to be single for awhile. Seems no configuration ionic or covalent seems to work

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 4 points 5 days ago

I've been single for a while and I have to say, other than the lack of sex, it's been pretty fantastic.

[–] Kushan@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I find the ones that are super open to the point where it's kind of their whole personality tend to be the drama-llamas. There are plenty of polyciles out there in plain sight quite happy because they don't go around broadcasting it.

[–] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I was mostly kidding (mostly)

[–] Kushan@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

Oh but I actually agree with you!

[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

My fiancé and I were splitting up. I met my now partner on Tinder. They were poly from the start so I had to get used to that.

Married 8 years now, they've added a boyfriend and I have two girlfriends.

[–] dingus@lemmy.world 1 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

How does that work with time spent with one another and housing? I feel like I'd be tired trying to prioritize spending time with so many different individuals if that makes sense. I barely have the energy to hang out with one friend lmao

[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 2 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

Some of our partners are long distance to it's about planned travel like visiting someone for holidays. But we're in talks with one of my gfs to move here permanently and she'd likely live about 20 minutes from us. So I'd more than likely see her after work as I work in the town she'd live in, then go home to my partner. Or my gf would spend the weekend here or something.

Genuinely, Poly isn't for everyone. It's literally multiple relationships. Think about how much effort you put into your own monogamous relationship. Then add another. And another. My partner I live with we're working on getting them abdominal surgery and top surgery. My GF who might move here is a medical student who's clinically blind is living with her mum who has major health concerns so she goes to school full time and then has to come home and caretake. My other GF is dealing with her dad possibly dying while she navigates weight loss, body image issues, and surgeries coming up this summer.

And I need to be available all the time for all three of them. It's not all about "Omg you must have so much sex". It's about being present for people you love 24/7. And if you find that difficult for spending that energy on one person.... Then don't do Poly.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Well, I'll be damned. Maybe I'll give it a whirl someday when I meet two gorgeous, desperate, open-minded women.

[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Be the change you want to see in the world.

You too could be a gorgeous, desperate, open minded woman

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

I just don't think I have the time or energy to learn an entirely new, even harder gender, at this stage. I'm on easy mode and getting my ass kicked already. My ex-wife WAS jealous of my calves in heels tho so...

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago

Skill issue.

But for real I run in circles with a lot of polyamory and have been open from the start of my relationship with my wife that I wasn't interested in monogamy (she wasn't either)

[–] Kushan@lemmy.world 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Honestly it's a lot of calendar management and Trello boards. But we get to share on the cost of subscriptions, which is nice.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago

I'd never survive then, particularly without ADHD meds, as is presently relevant.

[–] Velypso@sh.itjust.works 9 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The people you imagine in a polycule are not as pretty as you think they are.

What does relationship style have to do with appearance? And who cares about appearance over personality? Weird comment

[–] eupraxia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 6 days ago

early on I mostly just got on with my partner's partners, didn't form relationships with all of them but if I like someone, chances are I'll like their partners too!

[–] Senseless@feddit.org 5 points 6 days ago
[–] Lumisal@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago
[–] LouNeko@lemmy.world 87 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Have you tried being an attractive woman?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 72 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I forgot it was an option, honestly. Good call.