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The Newtown Pippin Apple
(hexbear.net)
- Well, science has finally created an apple that tastes like the spit in your mouth right before you vomit.
- This fever dream of a deranged Washingtonian scientist is shielded by a clever name and shifty marketing team who carelessly toss around manufactured flavor notes such as “caramel”, “warm cider”, and “subtle cinnamon.”
- But, make no mistake, this pee-stained lump-fruit tastes less like cider and cinnamon and more like a urine-soaked gas station bathroom floor that someone accidentally spilled cinnamon on. Which makes this apple less Autumn Glory more Autumn Glory Hole.
- That being said, this nasty piss floor of an apple does have the benefit of tasting unique.
- And while it certainly won’t be for everyone, there are an adventurous few who may actually enjoy a walk on the wild side.