Remember, George Washington's false teeth weren't wooden, they were looted from dead slave's bodies.
Also, fun fact: James Madison (who was the fourth president and wrote the American Constitution) had a black son who he owned as a slave, and who was the result of him raping his own half-black sister, who he also owned as a slave.
Holy shit, this is a new fave website. The reviews are savage beyond belief.
Crimson Gold Apple
"A crabapple in disguise". 31 points, "Horse food" tier
These little shits are glorified crabapples masquerading as edible fruit and should not be tolerated outside of cider production and pretentious baking applications. Each minuscule bite of these filthy monkey cheeks explode with an intense yet somehow dry flavor combination that will make you want to spontaneously vomit. Do not be fooled by this repackaged trash, Crimson Gold is just a misleading name slapped on a swollen testicle.
holy shit i am crying in the break room right now
My girlfriend and I have been howling for like half an hour at this site.
Sweetango
Honeycrisp
Kanzi
I trust their judgement. That's the right order.
new struggle session dropped!
The Red Delicious is "A baseball glove filled with coffee grounds". That is correct.
Thank you both, this is amazing.
Cosmic Crisp: 74. "The most overhyped apple of all time"
oh these are some fucking fighting words
There are better tasting apples, but there aren't any better tasting apples with anywhere near the same shelf life. As someone who eats maybe an apple or two a week this is an important consideration.
It's a good apple and I think they're not being entirely fair, but the skin is worse than Honeycrisp.
I gotta say they are spot on with the so-called "Red Delicious" apple. Every one of those apples looks and tastes like meal covered in wax.
Holy shit this is great
The Autumn Glory " Well, science has finally created an apple that tastes like the spit in your mouth right before you vomit. This fever dream of a deranged Washingtonian scientist is shielded by a clever name and shifty marketing team who carelessly toss around manufactured flavor notes such as “caramel”, “warm cider”, and “subtle cinnamon.” But, make no mistake, this pee-stained lump-fruit tastes less like cider and cinnamon and more like a urine-soaked gas station bathroom floor that someone accidentally spilled cinnamon on. Which makes this apple less Autumn Glory more Autumn Glory Hole.
That being said, this nasty piss floor of an apple does have the benefit of tasting unique. And while it certainly won’t be for everyone, there are an adventurous few who may actually enjoy a walk on the wild side. "
I kinda pity the person who had real life experiences to even think about those particular metaphors.
- Well, science has finally created an apple that tastes like the spit in your mouth right before you vomit.
- This fever dream of a deranged Washingtonian scientist is shielded by a clever name and shifty marketing team who carelessly toss around manufactured flavor notes such as “caramel”, “warm cider”, and “subtle cinnamon.”
- But, make no mistake, this pee-stained lump-fruit tastes less like cider and cinnamon and more like a urine-soaked gas station bathroom floor that someone accidentally spilled cinnamon on. Which makes this apple less Autumn Glory more Autumn Glory Hole.
- That being said, this nasty piss floor of an apple does have the benefit of tasting unique.
- And while it certainly won’t be for everyone, there are an adventurous few who may actually enjoy a walk on the wild side.
Uh yeah, of course they loved that apple. Dude said it himself, it's useful for.making cider. What did he think they were eating them? Those dudes were drunk as hell.
However, Juicy Fruit may be a more appropriate label than Ludacrisp since while this apple is only moderately crispy, it is, in fact, ludicrously juicy. As juicy as a ho’s ass – as Luda might say.
Okay I love it.
What's all this apple ranking? We already have the perfect apple, Granny Smith.
Cheap, lasts awhile, good tasting, crunchy af, not unsettlingly sweet, and great for baking.
Pink Lady is my jam.
fuck yeah you get it
Candy Crisp Apple Review "A Pear-Cucked Red Delicious" https://applerankings.com/candy-crisp-apple-review/
this is actually an applerankings.com fan site
Sand filled condom
Does my favorite apple-loving lib, Samuel Seder, know about this?
It's the dunk tank.
This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.
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