You weren't misgendering; you were meming. Modifying one part of "the man, the myth, the X" to adapt it to the situation is fine and good, but when you start swapping out too much of it ("the X, the myth, the Y" -- or worse, "the X, the Y, the Z") you lose the reference.

Usually when I make a mistake while trying to act in good faith, I apologize. Posting about the interaction without apology and flashing names of non-mods involved is not the way to correct your mistake, nor to garner sympathy.

Doesn’t really matter here. The saying is “the man, the myth, the legend”. If you go changing every part of it you might as well have not said anything at all because it won’t make any sense.

I'm probably a bit further to the right than most on the fediverse with this opinion but...

I think, once you have been informed of someone's pronouns, it's flat out rude to not use them. I don't know if it's a banning issue but that's for the moderators on your instance to decide or the instance the community is on. Even if you don't agree with someone's lifestyle, it's just polite to address people the way they'd like to be addressed.

But surely there's a difference between intentional misuse and accidental. I think banning someone for not looking up someone's pronouns before a public interaction seems like pushing things a bit far here. I certainly am not checking such things. But, then in general when online I will use gender neutral wording because frankly, for online interactions someone's rarely information that matters for the interaction. I don't really need to know.

My view is, I think it is almost always clear when someone is being malicious and thus transphobic and when someone makes an honest mistake/did not know better. We, as a whole, really should be differentiating between obviously malicious and non-malicious cases.

If somebody corrects you about gender, just say woops, correct yourself, and move on. It's an honest mistake, a simple fix, and nobody should be offended. Especially online. If they are still offended, it's because they want to be.

I think you shouldn't assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don't think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn't check her profile which says she's a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I've especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.

Rule #21 of the internet: everyone is a guy

Addition 1: every women is actually a guy

Addition 2: every kid is an 18+ guy

Addition 3: little girls are FBI Agents

I don’t think it’s necessary to check every profile for potential pitfalls when interacting with them. But honestly, in this case there is an obvious transgender flag in the profile name that should make you at least question your first assumption.

Just stop using gender specific pronouns at all. Makes things much simpler

What app do you use? Last I checked, pronouns are part of display names for Hexbear users. You shouldn’t have to check profiles. That’s the whole point of them being included in display names. Your app would ideally just respect display names and it would require no extra effort on your part to gender people correctly.

I'm not even interested in the username of the person I'm responding to. I tend to ignore it completely unless there's a comment like "lol, username checks out".

There are very few times I will bother to check someones profile. They have to either say something so awesome that I want to see more, or have given a take so hot I want to see if they're trolling or if this is standard behaviour for them.

While it looks like the whole Jerboa/"miscommunication" thing has been sorted out here I want to chime in to say that no, I don't think that checking profiles for anything is a reasonable expectation.

You are supposed to do deep research on the person you're commenting to....

I barely even read usernames, plus Voyager App doesn't show profile bios, so even if I wanted to check their profile I can't and I'm sure as fuck not using the mobile website to get the information.

It's reasonable, especially if they got a trans flag in their name. But even if not, it's one click and a swipe back.

I'm pretty apathetic to gender in general but I've had gender confirming surgery to be NB which I guess technically makes me trans and to be prefectly honest I've never felt more judged for it than by the lemmy LGBTQ+ community. The 50y/o southern man that was my nursing supervisor back when I was a new graduate was more respectful of my gender and lived experiences than these people. Honestly the thing they seem to hate most is specifically me expressing apathy for gender; I've mentioned that my transness expresses itself by not caring about the whole pronoun thing or needing to have any specific pronouns for myself personally, but that I understand it's a matter of respect for others and I've literally gotten banned for saying that. Like almost exactly that. They're absolutely hateful bastards for no reason other than that they're upset and need everybody else to be upset too. I'm lucky I have a handful of supportive people irl because I sure asf wasn't gonna find it here!

Using a client that shows the pronouns in hexbear is good and it sounds like you are doing that now.

As a follow up, I recommend approaching gender just as one would if they were bring mindful with new people. If you don't know pronouns, using they/them is a fine way to start referring to someone neutrally. You can also just use their name. It is considerate to then figure out what they prefer in a non-awkward way, either by how others talk or by just asking them nicely. Having pronouns displayed by names is just helpful for clarity and speeding things up online.