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submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by Verenata@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

I might be way off the mark here but the more I think about self crit and my own neurodivergence (maybe I'm been a bit black and white about this) the idea of having a sub where people go to self flagrate over their mistakes to signal to us they are reformed?

I dunno chat.

I've lurked here a while and while some of the drama on here has been funny or sad or anger inducing, at no point did I ever feel satisfied reading a self crit post. I never felt "oh the sights clean now time to make an account".

I butted heads with incels on here immediately and while those people genuinely made me uncomfortable i don't wish to see a selfcrit from them. In fact it would frankly appear disingenuous and virtue signally to me.

Like if people get called out then it's on them to go do the homework, I don't expect to have to mark it though. The people I butted heads with about that incel thread got comments removed and temp banned. That seems reasonable to me. I'll die inside if I see a self crit on it.

I dunno I think there's a lot of neurodivergence on this site, myself included. We try to make it a safe space for everyone which is great.

I think what I'm worried is that a culture exists on here where if a ND makes a mistake, they may feel cut off and left out from a community they need for socialising and support unless they make a self flagrating post further signposting their mistakes.

There's a very niche and cool silly culture on this site. For a lot of ND people who don't have supportive irl group I can't imagine how it would feel to make fuck up and then feel locked out or lost this clique. I don't think making a new account is the answer either because people's accounts and history are representatives of who they are so to lose that for some might be like losing their identity as well. Maybe I'm projecting here but if I really embarrassed myself and didn't think people would talk to me as much on here because of it and that the only way to fix it was a self crit post. That's scary.

And then when i see self crit posts I feel like "damn nobody needed this, it feels uncomfortable to see this" like them getting dog piled and a temp ban wasn't enough punishment.

Like it felt maybe relevant when the admins/mods did some self crit on their behaviour but like they run the site so that kinda makes sense (not really).... or it might have if they all did it, so far I only saw like a few and even then it felt uncomfortable to read their comments.

Clearly they made a mistake and having to convince faceless terminally online people that they had the sites best interests at heart was sad to watch given they clearly did care cos of the graft they put into the site.

I dunno I don't see the point in this comm personally but I'm bored, my tamagotchi just died and I have always kinda thought this since the comm appeared so like yeah, let me know what I'm missing because I'm not the world and obviously my single view will be bias and full of holes or missing context.

Until then the sub feels a bit like todd asking cheaters on fo76 to write an apology letter and it feels like a bit of a toxic power dynamic to have it on the site kinda looooming as an example of what happens to the naughty hexbears.

Edit: lmao I've deleted and undeleted this twice cos I'm scared of getting grief but then I'm kinda proving my point doing that so I'll be a big girl and leave it up.

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[-] Awoo@hexbear.net 34 points 2 days ago

Self crit is a very good thing to do

Self crit as a comm feels sort of like "I publicly apologise to the community and accept my ritual humiliation"

I get the idea behind it, but in practice the message it's sending to everyone else is "get in line or else you'll be posting here if you want to keep using the site", which feels and functions like a social threat. It will be sending the anxiety of some comrades through the roof and it will be suppressing well-meaning but less well read comrades from speaking their minds in a way that will get any brainworms they have out into the open where they can actually be addressed.

I think this impression is given because it feels like people are being forced to go post there after moderator action - that's based entirely on an assumption though. Maybe it wouldn't feel that way if it felt like something people were doing entirely of their own.

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago

I get the idea behind it, but in practice the message it's sending to everyone else is "get in line or else you'll be posting here if you want to keep using the site", which feels and functions like a social threat. It will be sending the anxiety of some comrades through the roof and it will be suppressing well-meaning but less well read comrades from speaking their minds in a way that will get any brainworms they have out into the open where they can actually be addressed.

Get out of my mind liquid!!

I think that's it, I recognise my whole post is "vibe" (I hope i made that clear) and without interviewing everyone we can't really know but hey at least we are talking about it! Yey look at me go!!

[-] sweet_pecan@hexbear.net 27 points 2 days ago

not regulating bigotry on the site hurts disabled people, and banning people for bigotry with no recourse hurts disabled people, recourse for bigotry.... also hurts disabled people? i am adhd and autistic and i just dont get it. it seems like most people want the bigotry and its actully a small minority of people who have a problem with it (just the poc users) idk. it just feels like everyone only cares about this space being for a very small group of white autisitc people and anything that MAY make them slightly uncomfortable (meaning calling out their bigotry or having any expectations for them not to promote bigotry) is more serious a matter than the actual bigotry. also the comm is half formed due to the struggle sessions.

[-] Ivysaur@hexbear.net 21 points 2 days ago

it was always a bit suspicious to me that neurodivergence specifically is/was so widely brought to light here under the lense of ableism and the rest of the very, very wide disability spectrum is kinda just like...eh...ok sure, whatever to most people. at least that's the impression i got until getting together to make the comm + weekly discussion threads. i was really feeling very alienated too because while i am autistic i also have physical impairments and medical vulnerabilities and any time i'd try talking about those it was pretty much crickets from ppl i had otherwise seen going on about ableism so much. so i feel this. i don't really understand why it is so hard for the typical demographic here to be consistently principled -- well, i do know, but...yeah. i hope there is a way for any of us to make a dent.

[-] sweet_pecan@hexbear.net 21 points 2 days ago

i hope there is a way for any of us to make a dent.

me too comrade, i actully feel pretty proud of my effort to hexbears poc community (revitalizing the em poc weekly threads, creating the empoc user element chat, creating the em poc mod committee) and i hope more can be done...

and yeah i was actully talking to and autisitc person earlier about how so many autistic people online seem to refuse to listen to physically disabled people or chronic pain havers. sucks this is a thing on hexbear too, but hopefully we can find a path forward on that as well.

[-] yoink@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago

it just feels like everyone only cares about this space being for a very small group of white autisitc people and anything that MAY make them slightly uncomfortable (meaning calling out their bigotry or having any expectations for them not to promote bigotry) is more serious a matter than the actual bigotry

glad I'm not the only one feeling this way, especially in the light of the last handful of struggle sessions here

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago

I'm really sorry but I'm not following this comment.

Have I fucked up or offended or insinuated something here?

[-] sweet_pecan@hexbear.net 24 points 2 days ago

im basically just very frustrated. im autistic too. which is why i dont want to ban people from the site or lock them out of the community permanently for mistakes. we agree there. but when this site has a persistent problem of bigotry evidenced by it bleeding poc users often in waves, (these waves are often completely unnoticed by the white users) something should be done about that. so we dont wanna ban people for every small bigotry right? because they live in a bigoted culture and this very site has retained that culture, there are people on here who openly admit to listening to cumtown and the adam frieldand show, that should not be a socially acceptable thing to say in an environment thats welcoming to poc people, especially black women. this is just one example of Hexbear site culture, there are many more but i dont have the time right now.

so what do we do? of the self crit com is not good what do we do? baning users causes rsd, and its unreasonable to have what? a dedicated mod team there to one by one explain why something is problematic to every users who says something wrong and upvotes that wrong thing? if its a site wide cultural issue is must be addressed site wide.
from what i can tell, the issue most people have is that they dont want to change, they dont want the site to be a safe place for poc, (well ones who arent ok with being treated poorly and dont agree with everything they say).

so im frustrated, not at you but at the discourse and everyone's priorities, none of them ever seem to be in the interest of the most oppressed in our society (including poc nd users)

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago

I totally see what you mean and honestly yeah even as a white girl I've noticed the power imbalance.

Maybe I'm wrong but the most prevelant racism I think i see on here (as a white girl) is the poc kick off and white people kinda give them that "alright no need to get that upset about it" like it's less kick offable about. Kinda like the polite discourse crap. I mean I went nuts in that incel thread, I got some guys acting like I was the irrational woman not engaging with the issues because they just missed any context and I swear I see it on here with poc users kicking off and white users being all reddit polite discourse about it. But if we are telling incels to grow up it's "ableism".

Like even though trans users have a big userbase (which id have assumed meant power on the site) there's still transphobia and takes that you just don't expect showing up and that it's not really a numbers game imo because white cis men will inherently hold power and direct discourse etc because aquaman (i dunno havent worked the last bit out yet). At least that's the vibe I'm getting.

What put me off making an account on here for so long was waiting till I thought it was a healthier place for women and well.... I don't think it is but anyway.

Despite being a big lurker I didn't notice poc leaving but tbh I haven't seen Angel post outside of mutualaid in a while now that you mention it.

I didn't think self crit was the vehicle to impact change, especially one as ingrained as racism but from my other comments you can probably see what angle I came at it from.

I'm sorry I feel like I'm just chatting now.

It's like I was thinking wouldn't it be nice for people to make big effort posts educating others again but then it's like a) not victims jobs to educate oppressors and b) they never fucking work in my experience. People need to want to change and I think that was one of my issues with the self crit comm, does it create a desire to change or is it just a way to avoid the hard work/questions/change in perception that's required?

[-] sweet_pecan@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

I'm sorry I feel like I'm just chatting now.

chatting is fun, never apologize for it.

It's like I was thinking wouldn't it be nice for people to make big effort posts educating others again but then it's like a) not victims jobs to educate oppressors

yeah thats a big part of the issue, it causes burn out.

does it create a desire to change or is it just a way to avoid the hard work/questions/change in perception that's required?

well it was intended to be something different than what it is, but after the recent anti mod/anti change sentiment the project was basically dropped halfway through.

but i still think it encourages a more positive change then a negative one even still.

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

Having the big mega threads like the poc one is great though. A user on here included some links in her replies just as like a footer at the end and I keep going to read them but honestly notifications on here and my adhd are winning rn BUT I love that. The idea of just including a footer in every comment with a link to pages educating.

but i still think it encourages a more positive change then a negative one even still.

Which is all that really matters as an answer to this post. I'm lowkey so glad I got to post this and have nice chats with peeps and not have my head blown off, I need to check my anxiety lmao.

As the self appointed hexbear operations inspector I have concluded my direct survey and c/selfcrit gets to stay congratulations

[-] sweet_pecan@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

thank you operations inspector!! rat-salute

i agree nice chat!

[-] sweet_pecan@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago

you have not fucked up, offended or insinuated anything. dont fret. part 2 coming but in the mean time no stress.

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 13 points 2 days ago

Oh cool thank you for clarifying rat-salute

[-] Elle_Emperor@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)
[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago

meow-hug

Thank you!!!

I wanted to be all "don't lie go self crit lmao" but I've been told that rejecting compliments because I don't agree with them is rude and I shouldn't do it.

[-] khizuo@hexbear.net 5 points 1 day ago
[-] Yukiko@hexbear.net 23 points 2 days ago

I think you’re missing a small bit of the point of the comm. In my eyes, it’s not really specifically for self-flagellating and I think anyone that uses it in that manner is using it incorrectly. To me it starts an inner conversation about why the actions that individual took to help them understand why it was bad. In conjunction with this, it most certainly can help other folks understand that this particular thought or opinion is problematic and why, so it can help them start that inner monologue with themselves to help them along.

For example, the most recent post my SorosFootSoldier doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence that, overnight, they suddenly see the error of their ways in regards to homophobia and will be rid of it immediately. Instead, it is an acknowledgement of their action and a start to understanding why that was wrong. And, hopefully, others that took the same action in that thread will read what was posted and do the same. Hopefully.

I do understand your concerns though. They are very valid and I can’t blame you for feeling the way you feel on the matter. I just wish that the content on that specific comm was a little more tightly controlled.

[-] Lyudmila@hexbear.net 20 points 2 days ago

Great comment!

The self-crit comm is not intended to be a space for self-flagellation or verbal punishment from other users.

The space was proposed with pretty much the exact intention you expressed, to be a space for site users to share the process they took to learn and grow from on-site and off-site mistakes or reactionary beliefs, and to help start dialogues for other users to follow along with that learning and growing.

Right now, we're a little concerned about post removals from the comm potentially worsening things if users are spiraling and self-flagellating. Site moderation is also trying to be extra forgiving across the whole site for the next bit given the often stressful nature of the holiday season, the recent struggle session, and the general reaction to recent attempts to more tightly control content on the site.

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 15 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

See i totally agree with you there, when it first appeared I had the exact same thinking. But over time I think the very act of having it in a specific sub creates a spectator sport of people's worst moments.

Like if people wanted to self crit then making a post in c/chat raising what happened and having that growth and discussion there sounds great. But having specifically a sub for it feels like it's takes the organic growth and desire from the user to acknowledge their mistake away. Like instead of them going "I should go on c/chat and talk about this productively to address my mistake" it feels like a signposted expectation. Like have they learnt if they didn't decide for themselves? Like the initiative is important I feel. But that's just me literally strawmanning tbh.

Awwh I hate referencing soros like they aren't here but when I saw their post I didn't read it and think "good self crit" youre based again. I've seen that user a lot and they aren't a homophobe imo and it felt weird to see them essentially wearing that jacket to start a conversation BUT I'm not a gay man so it's not my place to decide that or make any comment on it so disregard my opinion there lmao. I dunno like with the incels from last week, I'd feel so bad if one of them felt compelled to self crit. I'd rather they make a c/chat and just have an organic conversation on that they've learnt on their own initiative not because c/selfcrit gave them the idea.

And I totally see your points too! I think I'll probably not engage with it myself but if it does help some positive growth in users then amazing and yes maybe it could be refocused to a more general critique of behaviour vs individuals unless it's specifically relevant to a personal experience?

[-] Yukiko@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago

You raise some very good points here. It does seem like people do make the posts as an expectation now that there’s a contained area for it. But it is a double edged sword. Without it, it would rarely occur. With it, it occurs too often. A balanced would be nice to find, but I feel it’s too much of a razor’s edge. Maybe there’s a solution in there somewhere.

I don’t think Soros is homophobic either, but the opinion expressed was. There are many internalized thoughts that all of us have that are problematic in some way or another and this is one that Soros seems to have had. I know I have some myself and it sucks, but I try to root them out as I find them. Having him recognize and begin that process to root it out is wonderful.

Also, I’m obviously not a gay man, lol, but I definitely lived as one for a long time in my life. Opinions like the ones I saw yesterday still really hurt and fill me with a significant amount of disgust. I’m really glad that Soros started that conversation instead of it kinda just melting away into the modlog.

The value of the comm is nice, but it is lost through people trying to find instant salvation as well. Hopefully those who run the comm can either figure out a way to properly vet the info, create a template with which people can base their posts off of, or just shut it down entirely. Cause some of those posts are definitely self-aggrandizing.

[-] SocialistDovahkiin@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

We need to specifically focus on encouraging thoughtfulness instead of guilt, which means kindness to people who have genuinely improved their behavior, which should incentivize doing it without having to make weird self flagellating posts

I feel like the urge for absolution is understandable but inevitably leads to things like this. It's like we need an unspoken understanding that, if we change our behavior, the forgiveness is implied (eventually). Or at least good faith is (no one should feel obligated to forgive someone)

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I worry I'm strawmanning but yeah it's the choice to address what they did on their own without needing a signpost vs only doing it because of the sign post. Like yeah I honestly cant think of the answer because I agree that it will have encouraged some to be more mindful which is good!

Yeah and that i do totally recognise, I know I'm a bad girly girl and removing the brain worms of associating women and feminity has been a long process for me. Thanks modern media! Lmao dirt_owls post earlier about literally that topic was a aaaaah fuck moment cos I know that conditioning will still hide in me subconsciously. Like self crit is hard, I've had cycles of "who cares if people are feminine but women should always try" and "other women can do what they want but I HAVE to be feminine" and it's like I'm still being internally sexist, just cos I'm aiming it exclusively at myself doesn't mean I've grown out of it. Self crit is so hard and it feels like such a personally journey sometimes imo I think that's probably why the publicity of it all rubs me weirdly.

I can only imagine and while writing my post I couldn't help but think "for users this offended I'm sure some of them feel catharsis from their self crit even others don't" so I tried to not be too absolutist about what I thought so I'm glad you've said this.

Mmmm you've definitely convinced me of it staying around and agreed hopefully it can be more productive.

[-] Erika3sis@hexbear.net 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Honestly every time I see a post on selfcrit I'm just kind of like "...OK?", so I can relate to this to some extent.

I can't really imagine myself posting to selfcrit any time soon. I am certainly going to be ignorantly wrong plenty a time, I'm going to cause offense plenty a time, but the way I generally handle causing offense is to apologize for the offense caused to the parties so offended, and the way I handle ignorance is to have faith that later behavior will demonstrate on its own any development of character. Should I ever feel the need to spill paragraphs over some error on selfcrit, then that critique must be of use for people in general — it must be something educational that is best taught with words, and with myself as the case study. The simple fact of reform does not warrant public broadcasting.

The actual posts on selfcrit, on the other hand, have tended to feel like self-flagellation carried out as a formality to show reform, coming across as disingenuous "virtue signaling" at worst, and just strange and uncomfortable at best. As you have said.

Sent from Mdewakanton Dakota lands / Sept. 29 1837Treaty with the Sioux of September 29th, 1837

"We Will Talk of Nothing Else": Dakota Interpretations of the Treaty of 1837

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 8 points 2 days ago

I think you've put it a lot more concisely than my yapping in the post 💪

Like I waffle a lot cos I'm scared that if I don't try and vocalise every nuance I'll get dog piled so to be blunt and maybe a bit reductive: self crit doesn't feel like reform, it feels like public punishment/bullying behaviour/hazing and any catharsis from having confirmation someone has addressed their views feels soured by the public spectacle of it.

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[-] Elle_Emperor@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago

Self crit is good, just because nothings perfect doesn't mean we shouldn't try to have anything like it

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago

I don't disagree wojak-nooo

I think the question I was really asking is, is it actually productive? People say it is so that's positive!

[-] Elle_Emperor@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago

i think its productive, but isn't perfect. Its more to publicly acknowledge being incorrect in the argument, or whatever they are saying sorry for being wrong in. So that more people are discouraged from holding those opinions.

although i do easily see your critiques, they aren't wrong, it can definitely be used to virtue signal (LOOKING AT YOU BUKHARIN) just to continue holding the opinion while getting rid of the flak, those people aren't very subtle. Its easy to catch them in their shit later.

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Bukharin? Omg is there drama here? Oh no my toxic trait is showing. I love gossip.

Edit: oh like the actual guy? Not a user with that name 💀

My Self crit: don't be a gossip slut

[-] sweet_pecan@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago
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[-] Elle_Emperor@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago

nonononono im sorryyyyyyyyyyy its the guy from pre ww2 soviet politics its just a thing

Edit: oh like the actual guy? Not a user with that name 💀

SORRY doggirl-tears

no being gossip slut is based we even have a channel for that now, leftists love gossip we basically thrive on it.

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I just blocked the comm. I have no interest in reading anyone's self-crit. Site residents aren't my comrades, they're pseudonyms on the internet. Presumably it exists for the power users who feel differently.

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[-] PM_ME_YOUR_FOUCAULTS@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

When I originally suggested the self crit comm, conceived of it as something someone coming off a temp ban for reactionary speech would have to do. In it's current form it's completely optional, and I think it's good to have a place where people can grow and restore a harm to the community if they feel they need to

[-] SocialistDovahkiin@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago

It's... not really optional when you have justice sensitivity and feel like shit for not doing the best you can to make up for things. So when the best you can goes too far it can be hard to regulate

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

Tbh I probably would have suggested the exact same thing and it's dead easy for me to sit here with hindsight on the outside all smuglord is it productive? Lmao.

Nah, thoughtful critiques of site procedures and structures are important. This is especially true because our limited perspectives. It was interesting to hear your take on the comm

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[-] AnneVolin@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 day ago

I think hexbear like every leftist space ever hasn't actually worked out how it does social reproduction outside of posting memes. The difficulty of social reproduction in these types of spaces is always rife with problems because the expectation of a collapsed cultural context means that people have to be onerously careful in how they word things so people misrepresent what they say (e.g. when having a deep discussion people have different definitions of fascism and different understandings of "what is to be done" and depending on how you phrase it that breaks the hugbox rules) or they otherwise they break bad word rules some of which are lulzy and often get lulzier by the day (e.g. the TW gossip is a sexist word post).

I've seen mods overreact entirely on this site based on literally a meme said to the wrong person. Likewise mods/admins very often get to get away with their bad behavior and enforce completely different rules on users (e.g. its ban evasion when you do it, but it's "privacy" when they do it).

In practice what you're asking for is typically unrealistic of these kinds of spaces because very often the lowest common denominator isn't effort posting because it's risky, but memes and trying on hats. This place reminds me a lot of Shit Reddit Says back in it's heyday, but it doesn't have anything to really gawk at.

Meanwhile the admins like to pretend they want people to start effort posting more but don't have any understanding or experience in managing a community of anything but shitposters.

As Mao said

With regard to comrades who have erred, some people say we must observe them and see if they are going to correct their mistakes. I would say just observing them will not do, we must help them correct their mistakes. That is to say, first we must observe and second we must give help. Everybody needs help; those who have not done wrong need it and those who have need it still more. Probably no one is free from mistakes, only some make more and some less, and once they do they need help. It is passive just to observe; conditions must be created to help those who have erred to mend their ways. A clear distinction must be drawn between right and wrong, for inner-Party controversies over principle are a reflection inside the Party of the class struggle in society, and no equivocation is to be tolerated. It is normal, in accordance with the merits of the case, to mete out appropriate and well grounded criticism to comrades who have erred, and even to conduct necessary struggle against them; this is to help them correct mistakes. To deny them help and, what is worse, to gloat over their mistakes, is sectarianism.

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[-] ManFreakBeast@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago

I honestly don't get how self crit is supposed in an anonymous community. There's really no effective way to properly monitor the process and ensure accountability.

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[-] SocialistDovahkiin@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I've never thought about this but this feels like a really good point. This site has a loooot of issues with it's user-friendliness to neurodivergent people and I guess this is another to throw on the pile. We really need a militant neurodivergent radical reconsideration of most of the site.

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 12 points 2 days ago

Fr and without tone it's a nightmare trying to tell if someone's angry or being ironic etc. I fucking hate it.

I regularly worry everyone hates me online because I can't tell their tone 🙃

[-] the_post_of_tom_joad@hexbear.net 11 points 2 days ago

I regularly worry everyone hates me online because I can't tell their tone

Well i think you're neat. Im ND too, thanks for being here.

Tone: honesty.

[-] Verenata@hexbear.net 10 points 2 days ago

meow-hug hopefully i can extend how long it is before i disappoint everyone 💪

Tone: genuine but also irony poisoned

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this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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