this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2025
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It does feel lonely on fedi as trans guy (pawb.fun)
submitted 1 month ago by vv0ltz@pawb.fun to c/ftm@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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It does feel lonely on fedi as trans guy

Not just as trans guy, but also the one who isn't that much interested in tech (I can learn something for my amateur website, but that's it).

It's also kinda interesting that I used to have even some aversion to learning tech due to family trauma (don't force your own goals on your kids) and misogyny in IT spaces, which makes makes it a bit harder to have joy in learning it (and also it's fucking hard, I need explanations like I'm 5 or I won't understand). Though among my all-transmasc family members I'm still the one most interested in IT, LOL.

And basically that's why I find bluesky more appealing to me lately, simply because I see variety of interests and more transmascs. If I see memes and shitposts in trans communities on fedi, they're oriented mostly to transfems into tech (which I don't mind at all, I'm just not the target audience). Despite all of that, I will continue to actively use fedi at least to be the one who makes some variety here :D

@ftm

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[–] hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone 33 points 1 month ago (2 children)

the transfem blahaj community has about 3,600 users, this one has about 600.

Its a pattern I've noticed on online platforms. The trans population's gender balance tends to be the opposite of the site's cis population. The fediverse seems disproportionally male generally, so it tracks.

When I discovered I was a trans woman my instinct was to look up the trans communities on the sites I already used. I didn't reevaluate my entire internet habits holistically, and switch to female dominated platforms to match my new identity. I get the impression that's what most people do.

I'm not surprised to read that bluesky has more transmasc content. Whatever platform has more cis girls will probably have more transmascs as well, at a guess.

Its probably not for the best for trans people to be on platforms dominated by opposite gendered cis people, but it seems like an inevitability of the internet.

[–] vv0ltz@pawb.fun 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

@hildegarde that's an interesting theory. Might explain why I saw equally both transmascs and transfems on Tumblr, for example, though many transfems are leaving due to Tumblr staff being hostile to them. I also guess disproportion may be caused by transmascs tending to be silent about themselves for various reasons

[–] popcornpizza@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's something I've noticed as well. We tend to blend in. I don't say I'm a trans guy unless I'm somewhere like this.

[–] cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 month ago

Same here. I rarely talk about it IRL.

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago

my instinct was to look up the trans communities on the sites I already used

Yeah this checks out for me too. Not really a big fan of Snapchat or Instagram. Discord, Reddit (Lemmy now), and YouTube are mainly what I use.

[–] Heyting@lemmy.ml 16 points 1 month ago

Yes it’s strange. Irl I know mostly transmasc people but every online space I’ve visited is ‘dominated’ by transfem people. I’m happy they’re here but I do wish there were more transmasc people as well. I have similar aversions to tech but I like politics which is why I like lemmy.

[–] atomicpoet@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

Welcome here! I’m not trans, but I want to say your visibility matters, and you being here makes a difference. If people see you, they’ll know that they’re not alone. So thank you.

[–] spacelogic@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Being a transmasc who is into computers, that causes its own kind of isolation because a lot of the trans-in-tech spaces, well... a carelessly-phrased egg joke in a transfem-heavy space hits as pressure to detransition if you happen to be a transmasc, and so the whole "teehee become a girl to be a True Programmer" meme culture feels hostile.

[–] EmptySlime@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 month ago

The amount of IT nerd trans women I've had straight up tell me that I'm not actually nonbinary and that what's really going on is my egg still needs to crack more because I've got too much internalized misogyny is uncomfortably high. I've had at least a dozen separate conversations where different people have tried to convince me I'm not actually nonbinary, just a trans woman in denial.

[–] WoodScientist@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 month ago

I'm not a trans guy, I'm a trans gal. But I can say I'm not in IT!

[–] serpentineminor@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 month ago

No kidding. I don't mind it since the ladies over here on blåhaj are overall very nice and funny, but lonely does describe it pretty well. I'm relatively lucky to enjoy the tech stuff, which is one of the main reasons I'm here. Guess I oughta try to be more active myself to add a little chatter around here, but I don't usually have much to say ^^;

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago

It does seem like there are way more public transfem spaces and voices than transmasc. Are there just more transfem people? I would have assumed there would be about the same number, all things being equal.

This paper('s Abstract, lol) suggests that's the case.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33644314/

[–] will_steal_your_username@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 month ago

There's been a couple of transmascs on the genderverse matrix server, but I've never seen them active at the same time :(

[–] some_guy 6 points 1 month ago

I'm a cis white male who's into tech, but I'll be your friend. You might also check Mastadon on fedi (though it skews toward tech people even more than Lemmy does; lots of software developers there). But if you're happy on BlueSky, there's nothing wrong with that. I hope the culture here develops in such a way as to feel like a better fit for you over time.

[–] cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 month ago

Yep. It's been a problem for a while. I'm adore IT so I fit into the fediverse alright, but the subculture around it is exclusionary in trans spaces.

The cool thing about the fediverse tho is that you can usually carve out your own space if you post on it/promote it enough.

[–] Arkhive@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 month ago

Hi. I’m transfem and lurk here (posted once I think). I want this space to grow for y’all too. I’ve got a bunch of my own ideas of why I think there’s a disproportionate transfem presence on Lemmy, and in online spaces in general, but I won’t get into that right now.

I just wanted to say I (and I think I can say “we”) want you here. The rare transmasc meme that goes by on !egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone or !onehundredninetysix@lemmy.blahaj.zone always gets a smile out of me.

I struggle convincing a lot of my masc friends to join Lemmy because they really don’t rely on online spaces the same way I do, but I will keep working to convince them. If we want the platform to survive, the early adopters need to go through a period of kind of blah user counts. This happened broadly, but it also happened with specific and niche communities.

Stick to BlueSky if you’re liking it, but please check in here now and again!! Hopefully it only gets better with time!

Lots of love from your trans siblings ❤️ 🏳️‍⚧️ ✊