This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
"reflexes similar to my speed"
Haha this is a classic French copypasta which is 20 years old and has just been translated by anon.
It is even cited in the French "copypasta" Wikipedia article in the examples section: https://fr.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copypasta
TL;DR: French and fake and gay
Please do it anon and make sure you film this great achievement.
just jump over the fence into the zoo enclosure with him, and you'll probably get your chance
Mike Tyson was going to fight a gorilla in his prime. The zoo keepers denied his request. While he can punch a hole in a human's chest, that gorilla was going to rip his arms off with absolutely no effort.
I think he's on to something... In these times of political and economical uncertainty, we should bring back ancient Rome colosseum style games. Modern fighters taking on wild animals for glory. Give the masses something to get excited about.
Let the man get himself dismembered by a gorilla as part of a bigger event with deadly races and feats of human strength.
Mike Tyson, in his prime, wanted to fight a gorilla. Mike Tyson was told he would be killed and backed down.
nah but anon is built different
If not for the ethics on the side of the gorilla in terms of making them fight a human, I legitimately do think we should let every single person who thinks they can 1v1 them try. Idiocy of this level voluntarily removing itself from the gene pool is a net good for the species.
Yes, wrong mostly.
Especially in the head department.
Gorrillas weigh between 219 and 600 lbs
According to Guiness World Records they can lift 1800 lbs.
They have an arm span of over 8 ft.
Feel free to try it but spend some time putting your estate on order, first.
Don't forget the bite force. Monkeys bite.
An orangutan could grab a man by his feet and head and tear him in half, honestly i kind of doubt that the biggest most well trained man could even take on a chimpanzee and win without a weapon.
Apparently gorillas are about 5 times stronger than a chimp, and I've seen what a chimp can do to a person.
Gorillas mostly leave people alone because they don't find us the slightest bit threatening.
https://www.reddit.com/r/primatology/comments/11nqwsa/how_strong_are_chimpanzees_compared_to_humansalso/
Just putting this here because chimpanzees, while strong, aren't THAT strong. A big strong male human is stronger than a big strong male chimpanzee.
A gorilla of course would tear any person apart like tissue paper.
Yeh what chimps got on humans is they go from zero to ripping your face off in 0 seconds flat, humans either require a lot of buildup to get that pissed or some kind of drug.
Apparently it is an instinctive way that chimps fight. First they gouge your eyes so you can't defend yourself. Then bite your hands so you can't attack. Then they rip off your genitals because fuck you that's why.
No way someone who trains mma and boxing would say "just dodge his attacks". This aint anime bro you're going to get hit
The gorilla will use his insides as an Onahole when he's finished with him.
Why bother fight a gorilla. Just cut the forest down and polute his environment. Steal his children put them in a zoo. Cut off his hands then and turn them into ash trays. We have already dominated the natural world now we are working on dominating future generations.
All ya doubters sound like Joe Rogan on a chimp rant right now. Gorilla glazers....
I'd fight a gorilla, and win.
It would be a gun fight, from a distance, but a fight none-the-less, and I guarantee you, I know how to shoot better than a gorilla.
I know how to shoot better than a gorilla.
Insert Planet of the Apes intro.
I've seen a chimp with an AK.
I wouldn't want to fight a gorilla with a PKM.
I say let him. We really don't need people like this anyway.
This made me think of that time my partner's brother told me in complete earnest that he'd be able to jump off a skateboard going 20+ mph and run it out based solely off the fact that the fastest recorded human running speed is 28 mph and therefore he, an average fit 20 y.o. should be able to achieve 75% of that.
if it wasn't so unethical towards the animals, i would love to let those people go for it.
Could only improve the human gene pool.
Gorillas' bones and muscles are way beyond anything this guy could ever experience in his 7 years of fighting idiots. I say idiots because they fight for money and fame, not for survival as a gorilla would. Jesus, their butt probably has more muscle mass than this guy's whole body. BTW, no homo.
Your best chance to kill a gorilla in a fight is probably to move so much air around him that he catches a f*cking cold and dies from it. If you don't actually touch him you may even have a non-0 survival chance as he ignores you.
The gorilla will rip his arms off and beat him to death with them before he even attempts to dodge it.
I got dunk and decide I could beat a brick wall in a fist fight once.
That would be how to do it. Humans have pretty good endurance as far as animals go. And gorrilas have pretty terrible punching technique and waste a lot of energy on those shitty downward over head swings that are pretty telegraphed.
My money will still be on the gorilla though unless you ad a few more people
Is thisnJoe Rogan
What's gorilla gonna do? Bite him?
Gorilla proceeds to pull his arms and legs off his body, and slap him a bit with his own arms before returning to breakfast.
If I had a gun in each hand, a bandolier full of knives, and a satchel full of grenades, I might be able to take down a gorilla. But likely not before he kills me first.