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submitted 11 months ago by BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world to c/memes@lemmy.ml

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[-] Empricorn@feddit.nl 192 points 11 months ago

Ignoring the obvious joke, she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities. Is she gentle, caring, and compassionate? Does she humbly serve the poor and the disadvantaged? Does she forgive her enemies and bless those who oppose her? Does she sacrifice for the benefit of others!?

I'm a Christian and while I don't know for certain, I believe God knows the heart. But I don't expect to see her in Heaven...

[-] drolex@sopuli.xyz 89 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities

Disagree.

She has long hair. Ok, not specified in the bible, but it's canon at this point.

Also the episode of Jesus whoring at the theatre... Wait what is this bible?

[-] Setarkus@toast.ooo 26 points 11 months ago

For a moment I really thought there was something in the bible that could be seen as Jesus "whoring at the theater"

[-] lars@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

If US Christians are making it up as they go and seeing whatever they wanna see in the Bible, then I call upon you, my child, to announce your submission to the Parable of Jesus the Whore of the Theater and the Christ.

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[-] eestileib@sh.itjust.works 16 points 11 months ago

Jesus had hair like lamb's wool, canonically.

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[-] Ya_Boy_Skinny_Penis@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

She is also white, like Jesus.

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[-] Chariotwheel@kbin.social 20 points 11 months ago

Jesus would've given handies in the cinema if he was asked.

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[-] someguy3@lemmy.ca 16 points 11 months ago

MAGA Christian, which is the majority of "Christians".

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[-] bobbytables@feddit.de 136 points 11 months ago

Oh common guys, that doesn't have to be about oral sex and you know it.

It could just as well be about doggy style.

[-] Valmond@lemmy.mindoki.com 49 points 11 months ago

But she sucks so hard

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[-] some_guy 13 points 11 months ago

Wow. Way to circumvent my comment with a clever zip in the other direction. I love it.

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[-] FUCKRedditMods@lemm.ee 99 points 11 months ago

She’s apparently equally strong while seated in a crowded movie theater.

[-] clearedtoland@lemmy.world 35 points 11 months ago

This is the part that really got me. We’re all human and have our urges, no shame there. The average unknown Joe Schmoe knows to contain themselves in public - let alone a public figure with all eyes on them. What was the thought process?

[-] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 50 points 11 months ago

It’s Bobo, friend, there is no “thought” process

[-] mosiacmango@lemm.ee 32 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

The theater is dark, and she probably didn't realize it had night vision cameras for security. Most people will also not have phones at hand, as its a rude act in a theater.

She really thought she could be an asshole because social pressure and darkness made it hard to prove she was an asshole after the fact. Its why she came out lying hard about vaping around pregnant women and somehow didn't mention have her chest gropped and grabbing for dick around a bunch of people/kids.

[-] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 85 points 11 months ago

She's certainly good on her knees, but Jesus' got nothing to do with it...

[-] Son_of_dad@lemmy.world 43 points 11 months ago

Jesus take the shaft

[-] IHeartBadCode@kbin.social 18 points 11 months ago

Catholic priests: That's what I keep telling the alter boy!

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[-] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 74 points 11 months ago

Shit like this makes me think she knows exactly what she's doing, and she's trying to position herself as the Sexy Nun archetype. She tries to be good but can't help that the world sexualizes her against her will (wink). She would be ever so grateful to any strong, Christian men who might come to her aid and defend her honor from the lustful satanists.

[-] chemicalprophet@lemm.ee 36 points 11 months ago

This lady dumb as a box of hair, bless her soul...

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[-] 000999@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 11 months ago

She probably thinks, in all honesty, that the average person is too stupid to understand the innuendo, and that only the clever ones will get it, like it's some exclusive inside joke.

[-] A7thStone@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago

Only 150+ IQ people can solve this puzzle.

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[-] Coreidan@lemmy.world 54 points 11 months ago

So she gives good head. Woopty do.

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[-] Donjuanme@lemmy.world 49 points 11 months ago

I think they tossed her from the theater before she was "driven" to her knees.

[-] buddascrayon@lemmy.world 35 points 11 months ago

And she's got that poofy hair so you can set your beer on her head...

[-] Nollij@sopuli.xyz 33 points 11 months ago

I wouldn't even expect her to be good at that. She has the same personality as those who are bad at it- arrogant, condescending, etc. The traits that make her a bad person also tend to make bad lovers.

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[-] Engywuck@lemm.ee 31 points 11 months ago

She's cumpletely right.

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[-] negativeyoda@lemmy.world 26 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

As an atheist who was raised Christian I'm torn.

On one hand, God dies not take kindly to charlatans and blowhards. On the other hand, I am of the belief that this life is all there is and shitty people like her are statistically unlikely to get some cosmic comeuppance after death

[-] Bristlecone@lemmy.world 26 points 11 months ago

Right, that's the thing they don't get. Might surprise them to learn, I almost wish their beliefs were true, so that they might taste that eternal fire they wish on others for their own shitty actions and thoughts

[-] Rockyrikoko@lemm.ee 14 points 11 months ago

As an atheist, I wish we could have a rapture so the rest of us could get on with our lives

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[-] dbilitated@aussie.zone 9 points 11 months ago

blowhards

indeed. heh.

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[-] wyzim@lemmy.ml 23 points 11 months ago

Are we not doing phrasing anymore?! - Archer

[-] OprahsedCreature@lemmy.ml 23 points 11 months ago

She knew

[-] not_that_guy05@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago

Bobo, what the fuck are you talking about?

[-] Dkarma@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago

What are you talking about?
We've seen the video. You read the tweet.

This woman has obviously sucked a whole bag of dicks.

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[-] Norgur@kbin.social 17 points 11 months ago

Whose shots have been fired exactly?

[-] Orbituary@lemmy.world 19 points 11 months ago

Cum shots.

[-] Norgur@kbin.social 9 points 11 months ago

That's not an answer to my question, captain obvious, Sir.

[-] Colour_me_triggered@lemm.ee 15 points 11 months ago

Well, ok then.... unzips trousers

[-] carl_dungeon@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

I’m gonna need video proof of that one.

[-] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 13 points 11 months ago

A lot of the Christians who ban extramarital sex also define sex very narrowly; as such, they say “if you see a nice Christian girl on her knees, she ain’t praying”.

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[-] theostermanweekend@lemmy.ml 13 points 11 months ago

Sociopath