If women were told the truth about pregnancy/childbirth up front I think many would abstain. It’s miserable for a lot of us. I hated every single minute of it as well. Even when everything is perfect you still often feel like shit physically and mentally(as you do). It’s okay to be tired of feeling like shit—you are valid. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2025
137 points (100.0% liked)
WomensStuff
791 readers
422 users here now
Women only trans inclusive This is an inclusive community for all things women. Whether you're here for make up tips, feminism or just friendly chit chat, we've got you covered.
Rules…
- Women only… trans women are women, and transphobic or gender critical talk isn’t allowed. Anyone under the trans umbrella (e.g. non-binary, bigender, agender) is free to decide whether a women's community is a good fit for them.
- Don’t be a dick. No personal attacks, no aggression, play nice.
- Don’t hate on groups, hatefilled talk about groups is not allowed. Ever.
- No governmental politics, so no talk of Trump actions etc. We recommend Feminism@beehaw.org for that, but here is an escape from it.
- New accounts or users with few comments may have their posts removed to prevent spam and bad-faith participation.
founded 9 months ago
MODERATORS
Thank you for saying this
I also just went through an awful pregnancy with my second child, I completely sympathize. It was a lot worse than my first one, constant nausea and heartburn and fatigue the entire 9 months. In the last 2 months I could barely move and didn't have enough energy to do much of anything I enjoyed (including the more lowkey hobbies like playing games and drawing) - all I could do was watch TV on a recliner until my butt got sore, and then go lie down and nap/read until my hips got sore. Drove me completely up the wall and destroyed my mental health, and my husband wasn't doing great either with 100% of the housework and childcare on his shoulders.
I hated every moment of it, and felt guilty for hating it the entire time.
I'm so sorry for your 2 losses, best of luck with this pregnancy. It's horrible, but hang in there. You can do it, I believe in you.
Thank you for your response. I can feel my husband is already feeling the strain and we've only just begun here. Thank you for your support
Ugh. My condolences on the nausea all the time. Yaah, the culture paints pregnancy as some happy-hop state where its all daffodils and puppies for women, but really it's a full on chemical assault on your body courtesy of the fetus inside it.
Yeah it feels like I'm in the middle of a weeks long hangover. Thank you for your support. The best thing about being a woman is other women
Pregnancy sucks. It can have good parts but there are so very many bad parts that far outweigh it. And the fear, and guilt, and lack of support and validation. Guh. I'm sorry. Feel free to message me if you need to late night vent. I'm sure you've tried every trick. I took so much b12. The only thing that helped my nausea with my last pregnancy was acupressure. I couldn't afford acupuncture so I got one of those $20 metal pressure tools off of Amazon and a book out of the library. It worked, amazingly. And later on for other complaints.
Thank you for that suggestion! I tried the little cuffs that do the spots inside your wrists that people use for sea sickness with no luck, but maybe i should try a little more in depth methods
I hope it helps! I tried those seabands too and all they did was piss me off and trigger anxiety by having my wrists restrained. I have similar results with compression socks that Dr's always recommend. I haven't tried it, but I wonder if ear seeds will give similar results for acupressure, if it works for you. Just a thought. Sending stomach calming vibes your way. 🙃
I just want to remind you to give yourself some grace about hating it. As many others already have iterated, pregnancy is hard. Honor the feelings you have, no guilt allowed!
I feel you. And yeah! That first bit is the worst! You are tired to levels beyond human comprehension. I'll be thinking of you, wishing you well.
I don't know if it helps if I share my story, in solidarity, too..
Sensitive subjects discussed below:
I've had 6 pregnancies all up, 3 to full term. The last time I found out I was pregnant I cried for 2 weeks straight. I was done with babies, I was on a career trajectory, my ex tampered with birth control. I ended up going full term.
2 of the pregnancies I ended by choice and one had been 5 months earlier. The guilt of not being able to bring a pregnancy to full term and having to end a pregnancy, made the decision so hard. I just couldn't end another one. Plus My previous pregnancies had been so very hard on my body, and I had had a hugely traumatic birth, just previously. Giving birth isn't described as terrifying and dangerous, as it really is. Although I had my easiest pregnancy and birth, when I had no abusive ex around.
I chose to continue that last pregnancy, but it meant sacrificing my career, and then doing 2 little ones alone, (my eldest was grown by that stage) because I was finally able to escape the abusive relationship (not that he was ever any help) but also I have no family support and he had isolated me, so no friends. There is not adequate support, necessary, for parents.
I still think about the ones I lost and couldn't have. I support my choices at the time, but it's hard. It's so hard. It makes me so angry, on a molecular level, that abortion is described as a flippant thing, (absolutely no shade to people who don't struggle emotionally with ending an unwanted pregnancy, it's just cells dividing, at that stage, essentially). It's just another thing that's so hugely misrepresented.
If they were truthful and honest about pregnancy, in movies, maybe we would feel like we could make more of an an informed decision, and society wouldn't be so flippant about what we do with our bodies, if more of the consequences were known, or talked about. I can't even imagine a world where the support necessary for all that a body goes through, was there and readily available.
I dream of building a village.
Your ex tampered with birth control?? Wtf. No wonder they're an ex. Who in their right mind does that?
Building a village... I agree. It's what we should do, being there for each other in solidarity, through good and bad times.
Women should get their entire pregnancy off of work, and that includes housework and childcare. It's a short term disability and should be treated as such, and I've never and never will be pregnant.
Gonna split up my post in two, so it's easier for me to express this.
I feel for you, it's a slog. My condolences for the losses. I don't know how you all do it, and I don't know how to best express my support - if listening helps, then I do that, if just being there helps, then that. Either way, hugs. Pregnancy is hard and there's no shame in hating it too - society absolutely should paint a more nuanced picture of it. I think media glorifies it way more than it is, because otherwise a lot of people wouldn't get children and that hurts the rich peoples' wallets...
Personal feelings
~~I have to admit it's hard to read this as a transfem gal, who can't experience it even though I do want this more than anything, even with everything described. I wish we could just enable/disable that ability for ourselves, like a switch. It would be nicer if people could "swap" and then you wouldn't suffer all this.~~
In hindsight I realised that the above might've sounded invalidating, my apologies. Put it in spoilers instead. I think I got triggered as a kneejerk reaction. If I might ask, would it be better to put up a CW next time?
I don't know what a cw is but I don't think i need it.
What you're expressing is definitely where the guilt comes in! I want a child so i very willingly signed up for this, so it feels bad to say i hate something I chose. I agree on the switch! I wish my husband and I could trade off on this.
What you're talking about it feel like is a big part of everyone's pregnancy journey now a days. There are so many women who can't get pregnant (or sustain a pregnancy) so it complicates my feelings around pregnancy. I remember feeling so bittersweet at baby showers during the years of my losses. You're so sad for yourself and your lost future and you're so happy for your friend who is growing a healthy baby. Or the guilt of telling my gay friend that I was pregnant knowing he had expressed to me how sad he was that he and his future spouse wouldn't be able to share a child biologically. Or your cousin who is struggling with infertility. So many women feel just as you do, that they would endure any amount of pain to get to have a baby.
Exactly what you expressed, that pain in other people (and in my past self when i couldn't finish a pregnancy) is where the guilt is from. I should just be grateful I'm able to make a baby, but geez, I wish I could make a baby without feeling queasy and weak and stupid all the time.
Obviously, I agree with you that the suffering of it is worth a baby to me
A cw is a content warning. I put it up there because I felt that my feelings might appear opposite to yours - one wanting that experience, another feeling terrible with having the experience.
But yeah, it feels unfair sometimes. Like you're right - I'm happy for you, but it also feels biting in a sense, like the experience you had with the losses.
One having a loss in pregnancy, another never having the chance to experience pregnancy. Neither are great, and I feel that instead of comparing what might be worse, it's better to be there for each and comfort one another, and look forward.
I can't undergo your pregnancy for you, even though I would gladly do that for my partner.
But I can give away some knowledge. Ironically because I lack a uterus, I read a ton on about pregnancy. There is a trans woman who took the specific hormones and specific levels to fully simulate pregnancy, to see out of curiosity what to do. Interestingly, even though she didn't have a uterus either, she experienced all the symptoms that you also do (sans the growth of the belly and birth) - it's all hormones. To think that they can have such a large impact... I hope that it will be less for you.
Ginger may have a chance of helping with the nausea, though it varies and is limited in its effect. Good luck, sis!
(out of curiosity, does it really feel like you've ran a whole marathon physically? what's the tiredness most comparable to?)
I've never run a marathon, but i have read that metabolically pregnancy is similar.
It's like i sleep 10 hours and wake up exhausted. It's like usually we put the toddler to bed and I get a couple hours to myself and now I am excited to go to sleep at 8:30 with the toddler.
I went to the doctor a few weeks ago and I did my hair and makeup, I wore a great outfit with a blouse and jacket and heeled boots. I went to the doctor this week in the top I had slept in and I didn't wear any makeup, and I didn't even feel bad about it. I knew this was the best I had to give.
My house is a disaster because I'm too tired to keep up with the chores, and if I don't have something microwavable, I just skip eating because I'm too tired to cook.
I cut 10 inches off my hair this week because I'm too tired to keep dealing with it.
For the first time in my child's life, this weeki left the house with no wipes in the diaper bag. No bib either even though we were headed out to eat.
I usually have chronic insomnia (life long) and now I sleep 9-11 hours a night, plus I nap when my toddler naps, and I still fall asleep when reading her books sometimes.
I don't think it's like this for all pregnant people? It wasn't this bad in my other pregnancies, but i am exhausted.
I see, thanks so much for the explanation (in both comments)!
Yeah, that matches with what a marathon was like for me. It's bloody exhausting.
I don't know either if it's like that for all pregnant people, though the first trimester is generally the worst (hormonally that is).
Oh and thank you for the ginger tip but it's a big no go for me. I used it during my last pregnancy and now when I even think about the taste I feel sick even when I'm not pregnant. That's another thing they don't tell you. You can permanently ruin tastes and smells or experiences if you do them while you're nauseous with a baby. There are some scents and even games I can't go near because I was around them while so sick the last time.