Casual Conversation

The older I get the more I relish downtime. Just being with a little intentional breathing and intential taking in of my surroundings. I would call it meditation but im never really sure what it would be if I was and I sorta don't want to be hungup on doing anything. just being. Anytime im like oh I have nothing to do I need to find something to fill the time im like. Why am I looking to do something just to do something. Existence itself can be amazing and you know. horrifying.

Start learning something new, preferably something that involves creating. Allowing yourself some creative expression and learning outside of work can be quite joyful and fulfilling.

Have you considered hunting a billionaire?

It’s seedling time. Start a garden.

You might be depressed. Its a chemical imbalance, not a character flaw. Please consider seeking help.

Sitting still just feels empty.

Zen mastery without all the work, lol - on a more serious and related note, try a little bit of mindfullness. Try 10 min every morning for a week: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgGW8sJvUlA

Let me tell you a story. For as long as I could remember, I was always externalizing my happiness on set conditions.

I just need more money, then I’ll be happy and at peace.

I just need a new car. Then I’d finally be fulfilled.

I just needed to be in a fulfilling relationship. Then I’d finally be whole.

I just needed excitement. Adventure. Change in my life. Then I’d be happy.

I just needed to find “meaning”. A purpose. Religion maybe? Some kind of metaphysical concept or something. Then I’d be happy.

And on and on and on and on.

And when I did achieve what I thought would finally make me happy, it was always momentary and hollow. And soon the background dissatisfaction would come back.

Realizing that there was nothing external that could keep me at a consistent state of peace and happiness was one of the biggest realizations for me. There is nothing that can “make” me happy. Happiness must come internally rather than external. You must be happy to just “be”. Just your “being”, your awareness, should spark joy and happiness in you all the time. This is a difficult concept to put into words.

For me, mindfulness and meditation allowed me to be aware of my thoughts and mental forms. Which allow me to more easily stay only as an “observer” to any negative thought forms. I had been mistaking the clouds for the sky. When they are in fact, only clouds that will pass eventually. And the sky is very beautiful and bright indeed, and is always there for you to access, even if it seems obscured by clouds.

Once I was doing pretty good, I used psychedelics to enhance my understanding (shrooms, dmt mostly). This has allowed me to “be” with the universe itself. To realize that I “am” the universe experiencing this dance called “life”. And that’s exactly what life is. A dance.

And then eventually, I don’t even need psychedelics to experience myself.

Realizing this, I have more fun. I don’t take things too seriously. I am much more at peace and happy. I don’t attach myself to unnecessary wants. I still feel negative emotions, yes, but I do not attach myself to them. I allow them to come and go, and I can finally live life the way it was meant to be lived.

Find a new hobby based off popular communities you stuble across. I found Linux during covid, and I haven't changed since.

I remember joing Lemmy, and seeing an almost 50/50 split of Star Trek or Linux. Now its more 40% Star Trek, 10% Linux, and 50% others, so maybe Star Trek is the next big thing. (Off the top of my head, the Other goes to USA Politics, German, or others I actually don't remember, so that's options 2,3 and 4-ish)

Read Ulysses.

there isn't a life outside of work habits and hobbies.

those are what life is. unless you are talking about how you are missing some deeper meaning in your life? that usually comes from relationships or religion.

Volunteering: soup kitchen, wildlife conservation, hospital driver, train restoration, old folks home or whatever is going on near you that takes your fancy.

Find new hobbies?