this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
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cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/7942362

Since the 90s my parents have been terrified of computer viruses. A couple weeks ago they told me they started using DoorDash so I warned them about the Bean Virus, where you just start getting random cans of beans delivered to your house.

Since then I've been anonymously DoorDashing them cans of beans.

Dad> Picture of dad holding a can of beans

Dad> I think we got the bean virus. This was on the porch this morning.

Poster> Yeah that's the bean virus. Whatever you do don't scan the barcode.

Dad> πŸ‘

Dad> more beans this morning. I called door dash and they have never heard of bean virus

Dad> beans again

top 22 comments
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[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 6 points 10 hours ago

OP's household IRL.

Image from the cartoon "Bluey" in which Bluey and Bingo are dressed as grannies and there are cans of beans scattered all over the kitchen floor around them. Bingo, lying on the floor and laughing, says, "I slipped on my beans!"

[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 35 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Don't give your money to Goya - there are plenty of other bean sources that aren't affiliated with the Trump regime.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 2 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

I really wish they weren't the only brand of tex-mex rice consistently available around here. Old El Paso is sometimes in stock, but it's definitely hit or miss.

It's just wild to me that there are 15 different kinds of Spanish rice in a small Texas town, but rarely any tex-mex. It's a running joke here that any new construction is going to be another tex-mex restaurant because it's so popular here.

[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 6 points 14 hours ago

While that is true, such a marvellous prank is worth it.

[–] kkj@lemmy.dbzer0.com 63 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

$10 delivery fee on a $1 can of beans

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 86 points 22 hours ago

Confusing the shit out of your parents for the sheer fun of it? Priceless.

[–] Prove_your_argument@piefed.social 23 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

I think between the tip and fees, it would be closer to $18 or so.

The fees are insane, they triple dip the one sided negotiation.

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 1 points 4 hours ago

That's almost to the point where if someone on my HOA group said someone bring me a can of black beans for $15, it take a break and go get it for them.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 13 points 19 hours ago (3 children)

That's why I don't use these delivery services.

One time I was inside a mcdonalds. I decided to see how much it would cost to ubereats my exact order to be delivered to me inside the mcdonalds dinning room.

Now this story is like 7 years old, so things maybe have changed since the pandemic.

My meal, a big mac meal large, with a coke in store at the time cost about $8. With uber eats, first off before uber even decides to tack their fees on, the meal itself was $10. So just the items themselves are instantly more expensive in the app. But then they start adding charges and fees, and you're expected to tip.

The final result, 30 feet from the mcdonalds counter would have cost $26. For a meal that costs $8.

I said fuck that, and never ordered from these delivery services. That's just straight up price gouging.

Since that time, I may never have looked back into the prices, but I have observed how these services work while standing in line at counters of various fast food places.

They have this little shelf of delivery orders. The customer orders at home. The crew makes your order, and they put it onthe shelf. Then some delivery guy just walks in, scans the reciept taped to the bag, and leaves without ever interacting with the staff.

I also noticed one time that it took 20 minutes from the time I walked in, to the time a delivery driver came in to grab the bags. Thats not including time BEFORE I got there. They may have put them there 30 seconds before I walked in, or 30 minutes. I have no way to know. What I do know confirmed is that they did sit there for 20 minutes.

And it's not even in a heat lamp. Not that would be much better, but it might at least maintain the food's heat.

So that means whomever ordered that food, spent probably $30-$50 depending on their order (they had 2 drinks), to get cold fast food, 20 minutes plus driving time later.

So they paid more money for a slower service, with cold food.

Plus, these delivery drivers don't do any confirmation that they even have authorization to even pickup that food. They don't wear uniforms. There's no authorization process. I assume the scanning barcode is more on their end to make sure they have the right bag.

So what's stopping me, a random guy who doesn't work for uber eats, from walking in, pretending to scan a reciept, and walking out with free random food? What happens when the real driver shows up? Does McDonalds hold their line that they already made and packaged that order? Or does Ubereats insist they never picked it up?

But the real question.......why the fuck are you dumb idiots buying this crap? Even if I did still eat from fast food places, the portions are shrinking, the prices are rising, they're cutting staff, and trying to use AI to screw up your order. Did you order a big mac meal? Or did you order 18,000 bottles of dasani water? True story. An AI drive thru bot in 2024 screwed up that order that way. He verbally spoke big mac meal large, and AI insisted he ordered 18,000 bottles of dasani water. So he just said hell with it, and drove away.

But why do you people keep buying this crap? Especially from delivery services. It's all garbage, and getting worse. The service is garbage. The food is garbage. The prices are insane. The portions are nearly nonexistant. And now you can pay 3x more for cold food an hour later.

Why do people keep buying this shit?

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 hours ago

Yeah, pre-inflation a $50 meal for 4 was $75 and luke warm at best. A lot of my local places are now cresting $100 delivered.

Why do people keep buying this shit?

You don't have to leave your house. $50 aint much to a lot of people, even those making minimum wage in a lot of cases. People have way more disposable income in this country than they let on, there's always ways to minimize expenses. Housing costs are probably the biggest costs for me, and that could be split four or five ways if I really wanted to save money (but i'd rather spend thousands of dollars a month to not deal with other people.)

My brother routinely takes a ride share service to mcdonalds with his wife, they eat, then they go back in another rideshare. it's still cheaper, and the food is always fresh, and the rewards you get from app rewards programs are honestly pretty good when you game the system.

So what's stopping me, a random guy who doesn't work for uber eats, from walking in, pretending to scan a reciept, and walking out with free random food? What happens when the real driver shows up? Does McDonalds hold their line that they already made and packaged that order? Or does Ubereats insist they never picked it up?

Not a whole lot, actually. It happens on occasion, but less than you'd think - and in places where it happens frequently they hand out the orders rather than doing the shelf thing. If the person ordering has tipped well (yeah the drivers can see the tips) sometimes they'll get the restaurant to remake it and you'll actually get hot food, or some of the nicer delivery folks will let the restaurant know the order got snatched before unassigning from your order. And the restaurant has some incentive to remake your food because if you don't get your food they don't get paid - support is not good but it's usually pretty obvious when some kind of screw up has happened. The whole system relies on people being decent, and thankfully people are - at least poor people in cities generally are.

The local places are generally good at using a heat lamp, at least the places near me that allow you to order through their website, for pickup - which I'm usually picking up my own order because, like you said, those delivery apps are stupidly expensive even if you're ordering from somewhere actually worth ordering from.

[–] Hubi@feddit.org 27 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Imagine being the guy working the hotline and you get a call from some deranged boomer ranting about a bean virus.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 2 points 5 hours ago

It was probably his 15th boomer rant of the day, and his tolerance to it makes it a non issue

- former call center employee.

My best one was a man called in, then immediately handed the phone to his wife because "she's better at this computer stuff than me."

I spent the next hour trying to walk her through copying and pasting something from one browser window to another before she hands the phone back to her husband and it takes him 15 seconds to do it.

[–] RustyShackleford@piefed.social 21 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

The proper way to escalate this joke is to start sending a six pack of beans after they’ve called and complained to DoorDash.

I would be to take the excess beans after the first delivery and reuse them to drop them off at your parents. Then point out they’re clearly eating the beans if after every delivery there’s a few cans missing. Trying to get your parents to turn on one another and begin questioning if the other is secretly eating the beans.

[–] SourDrink@lemmy.world 8 points 19 hours ago

I see beans. I updoot

[–] damnthefilibuster@lemmy.world 11 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

Best would be if OP used some other service to deliver them beans. Would be hilarious if DoorDash can not even find who the heck is sending those beans!

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 hours ago

Flashmob, everyone show up with any can of beans, place them on the porch and walk away.

[–] OriginEnergySux@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago
[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world -1 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

Yet another hexbear defederation evasion account...

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 0 points 4 hours ago

meh, if the content is enjoyable and nobody is stinking up the place...

Yet another .world account that thinks every instance is supposed to be exactly like .world and if not, that's suspicious behavior πŸ™„