this post was submitted on 22 Mar 2026
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    top 37 comments
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    [–] BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

    Run Doom on it!

    [–] Sisyphe@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

    Not funny. A neurosurgeon did that to me and now I have to take pills for my kernel panic attacks.

    [–] Rednax@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

    Why take pill, when you can install schnapps?

    [–] jobbies@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago

    Imagine how wild the ride would be if it ran Arch...

    [–] Zwiebel@feddit.org 155 points 3 days ago (2 children)

    The year is 2027. Police bust your door down and cuff you. Your pacemaker took part in a ddos attack on the gov servers

    [–] alienzx@feddit.nl 117 points 3 days ago (1 children)

    It also doesn't have age verification and the patient lives in California.

    [–] FauxLiving@lemmy.world 19 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

    and it's running a bleeding edge build of systemd and thus currently under attack by social media trolls.

    [–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago (3 children)

    i get the joke but the pacemaker's mostly just a battery. it doesn't have much more radio than the magnetic/wireless charger your phone uses. very, very short range, no wifi at all. it's the other implants that the pace powers you have to worry about.

    There was a guy at defcon that encouragef people to hack his pacemakers bluetooth

    [–] toad@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

    Wait until they do smart pacemakers that can play netflix

    [–] leftascenter@jlai.lu 23 points 3 days ago (1 children)

    This needs to be disrupted. I bring pacemaker as a service, fully connected, for a small monthly upfront fee you can enjoy the latest in pacemakers, the i❀️.

    i❀️, a beat into the future.

    [–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

    if anyone actually decides to do this, i will literally beat them to a bloody pulp with my cane. yes this is an actionable threat come get me i will get you

    [mods if you are going to allow jokes about that kind of unspeakable violence against the disabled you have to let the disabled vent about those jokes. fuck you]

    [–] avidamoeba@lemmy.ca 52 points 3 days ago (2 children)

    Wrong community. This is for c/selfhosting.

    [–] jobbies@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 days ago

    "I self hosted a vital organ 'cos fuck google"

    But who is the self who is hosting?

    [–] Shady_Shiroe@lemmy.world 30 points 3 days ago

    Latest kernel update broke my heart, literally.

    [–] myster0n@feddit.nl 62 points 3 days ago (5 children)
    [–] GeekyOnion@lemmy.world 45 points 3 days ago

    There’s going to be a Skyrim release in about a week. The patient will wake up in the back of a creaking wagon.

    [–] RomulusCornflakes@lemmy.world 26 points 3 days ago (1 children)

    Yes, but the heartbeat will be synced to the gameplay.

    [–] Korkki@lemmy.ml 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)

    And when you die, you really die.

    Not if you hack the matrix

    [–] grue@lemmy.world 19 points 3 days ago

    If it does, you should probably go to the E.R.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sense_of_impending_doom

    [–] Siethron@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

    I have never had an original thought. And I'm 8 hours late.

    [–] LemmyFeed@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

    Doomfibulator

    [–] pewpew@feddit.it 36 points 3 days ago (1 children)

    Don't forget to oveclock it so you get more performance

    [–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 15 points 3 days ago

    We can boost it up to a full 2 hertz even!

    [–] mr_anny@sopuli.xyz 5 points 2 days ago

    Killall kills only one.

    [–] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 34 points 3 days ago

    Easy to retrieve and reuse once done

    [–] Atomic@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago

    Good one. Honestly. Well done.

    [–] Paranoidfactoid@lemmy.world 24 points 3 days ago

    DON'T BRICK THE DEVICE!!!

    [–] Ghostie@lemmy.zip 18 points 3 days ago

    .Debfibrillator

    [–] zebidiah@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 days ago

    Fetch or it didn't happen...

    [–] Sarcasmo220@lemmy.ml 14 points 3 days ago

    But can you play Doom?

    "How's the driver of the electrodes' GPIO, Doc?"

    "Probably won't fit in flash with the kernel and Apache. But I could rewire the electrodes to UART instead, that seems more practical than interfacing with that weird pulse generator."

    Are you alright? Do you need mental assistance?

    [–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 8 points 3 days ago

    You should start charging them a subscription not to terminate their heart

    [–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

    The pizza box laptop is still goated, IMHO.